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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A secret Santa one (peed off)

347 replies

OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 10:28

Went out with girls from work and done secret Santa. The spend was £20. I got a tiny box of celebrations, cheap socks with my initial on and mug with my name inserted into a quote. It basically looked like a raffle and nowhere near £20 worth, a tenner at best. I had to sit there and watch others opening some lovely things - an ornament from next, no7 stuff, fuzzy duck, perfume. And the thing is I know full well who it was from. Obviously that person doesn't think as much of me as I hoped. Aibu to feel a little miffed? Id appreciate no hateful comments as I feel crap enough.

OP posts:
MangoPizza · 19/12/2025 14:19

Generic presents really, socks, chocolate and mugs are what people gift when they don't know what to get. But personalised with your name and initials redeems it a bit. I wouldn't feel hurt by it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/12/2025 14:19

I think more people would be moaning at the fuzzy duck perfume tbh - that’s a very cheap brand. Part of Bayliss and Harding - to be honest I get their liquid soap as my “ordinary” bathroom soap but don’t think it’s a good gift.

I’m sorry but I think the things you bought sound generic than the things you received.

TheatricalLife · 19/12/2025 14:23

OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 14:15

And when some have said there's something more going on, maybe that's true, when you know full well that in a group of so called friends, you are at the bottom of the pile. So come at me with that as well.

I think it would be best to step away from this thread now. It's not doing you any good, there is very clearly other stuff going on with you and you are getting more and more wound up rather than reassured. Turn off the notifications and go and take a deep breath.

TheAutumnCrow · 19/12/2025 14:26

OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 14:15

And when some have said there's something more going on, maybe that's true, when you know full well that in a group of so called friends, you are at the bottom of the pile. So come at me with that as well.

Hey, OP, you’re clearly genuinely hurt by the gift exchange. I get it. The Poundland socks, the £1 chocolates, to bulk out the mug with the quote on it. (What was the quote, out of interest??)

This from your friend.

And you liked some of the other things more.

The trouble is, shit happens, and you have to learn from it. Next time you could suggest that Secret Santa is combined with the White Elephant Game (the Christmas present steal/swap game.) Then you can say in advance HEY, NO PERSONALISED STUFF!

https://www.whiteelephantrules.com/

Official White Elephant Gift Exchange Rules

The official White Elephant Gift Exchange rules, along with some of the more popular variations. Also goes by the names Yankee Swap and Dirty Santa.

https://www.whiteelephantrules.com

ScrambledEggs12 · 19/12/2025 14:28

I got a random children's book from our boss in the Secret Santa at work. I didn't have children - it was the 'why aliens love underpants ' book. I didn't have any interest in aliens or pants.

Anyway, I kept it and read it to my children 10 years later when I had them, and I thought of him.

SauronsArsehole · 19/12/2025 14:29

Secret santas should be replaced by raffles. You buy a decent gift for £20. Wrap it and it goes in the pile. Each one gets a number and each person pulls a number.

you open publicly.

that way you can’t fuck any particular person over, there’s a chance you’ll get your own shit gift™️ back and it’ll look bad if your shit gift is really shite.

vote for secret Santa raffles not secret santas 🤣

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/12/2025 14:29

GAJLY · 19/12/2025 13:47

Personalised stuff is always extra, including delivery charges. I feel like they've thought about it and assumed you'd like it. I personally prefer one expensive present rather than bits of crap. One perfume/box of hotel chocolat chocolates etc. I vowed to never again participate in Secret Santa when I received a bag hook to hang my bag to tables! Everyone else got lovely chocolates or a bottle of fizz.

I’d quite like the bag hook tbh!

Fiftyandme · 19/12/2025 14:31

Sounds like around £20 to me

Fedup360 · 19/12/2025 14:32

Perhaps the person who had you didn’t paticuarly have £20 spare to did the the best with what they had 🤷‍♀️

BarryKentPoet · 19/12/2025 14:36

Happy to be called a snob if it means I don't get given Bayliss and Harding shite. It's cheap and naff and horribly generic.

Winterwonderwhy · 19/12/2025 14:40

A £20 perfume is going to smell cheap so would you even want that. I would much prefer a mug and socks.

ilovepuppies2019 · 19/12/2025 14:48

pusspuss9 · 19/12/2025 11:32

whe do this differently and it's much more fun. all the wrapped parcels get put in a pile. everybody gets a number corresponding to the number of participants, which they pick out of a hat. the person with number 1 then chooses any parcel from the pile that they like, and have to open it and place the present in front of them. then comes number 2 and does exactly the same thing, but if they prefer number 1's present , then number 1 HAS to swap. so the following numbers can pick out any of the presents that have gone before . So the higher your number, the better choice you have for a swap. If a swap is requested, then it HAS to take place.

Whatever you do, pick Jim’s teapot and leave Ryan’s iPod! (This was done on the Office with disastrous results)

Stargazingstargazer · 19/12/2025 14:56

If you feel like you are the bottom of the pile in your friendship group, then personally I think that’s the thing to focus on. What can youdo to feel stronger in your own sense of worth, and find people who value you. Waiting for others to see the light rarely works, so I suppose I mean working on yourself and your personal circumstances . A nice project for 2026. Best of luck!

housethatbuiltme · 19/12/2025 14:56

OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 14:02

Well yes you are correct because you know my friend of many years so much more than I do.

Its really not a hard concept. Its a very basic understanding human nature and peer bonding lol.

We attract to people like minded to ourselves... urgo they agree with us or more to the point don't disagree with us, this creates an echo chamber for our own feelings.

Myfairyhanny · 19/12/2025 14:58

I avoid Secret Santa like the plague for all of the reasons outlined by everyone already! The worst one ever, was receiving a pair of glass ashtrays, complete with a 25p sticker on the bottom of each. I don't smoke and never have, and the upper limit for presents was £20. You can see why I am not a fan.

Fedup360 · 19/12/2025 15:04

Myfairyhanny · 19/12/2025 14:58

I avoid Secret Santa like the plague for all of the reasons outlined by everyone already! The worst one ever, was receiving a pair of glass ashtrays, complete with a 25p sticker on the bottom of each. I don't smoke and never have, and the upper limit for presents was £20. You can see why I am not a fan.

It wasn’t secret santa but it’s related, my dads girlfriend isn’t the biggest fan of me, nor I of her, one year she got me and my sisters duvet sets from b&m which would be fine if they weren’t awful, black and white 90’s floral, and my sisters had printed chains on it 🥲 my mum took them back, the cashier looked my mum dead in the face and said “okay that’s a 20p refund” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Intrigued20 · 19/12/2025 15:05

TheatricalLife · 19/12/2025 14:23

I think it would be best to step away from this thread now. It's not doing you any good, there is very clearly other stuff going on with you and you are getting more and more wound up rather than reassured. Turn off the notifications and go and take a deep breath.

I agree, this isn’t helpful.

Fedup360 · 19/12/2025 15:05

Fedup360 · 19/12/2025 15:04

It wasn’t secret santa but it’s related, my dads girlfriend isn’t the biggest fan of me, nor I of her, one year she got me and my sisters duvet sets from b&m which would be fine if they weren’t awful, black and white 90’s floral, and my sisters had printed chains on it 🥲 my mum took them back, the cashier looked my mum dead in the face and said “okay that’s a 20p refund” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

My mum was fuming she was like why bother? How dare she get my daughters a 10p duvet sets each the silly cow 🤣

housethatbuiltme · 19/12/2025 15:06

OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 14:06

Funny how the person who got my shit put thanks Santa on group chat though. No doubt you'll say they were lying🤔

Thanking someone for a gift = again is basic 'polite' human nature... even if you didn't like the gift.

It's called manners.

HeadyLamarr · 19/12/2025 15:11

OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 14:06

Funny how the person who got my shit put thanks Santa on group chat though. No doubt you'll say they were lying🤔

I'd say they were polite. That's what you do after these things, post to say thank you.

I think you've been unreasonable to be upset about it - your taste just doesn't coincide with the taste of others. That always happens with Secret Santa, which is why they are usually pretty unsatisfying.

Personally I don't believe you can get a nice perfume for £20, that it's hard to get a scented candle for under £15 or 20 that smells good, and I buy B&H handwash for the downstairs loo because it's cheap and we use that sink when coming in from gardening so use a LOT of soap in there. But I'm picky about scented things and I know that.

You are picky about other things (mugs and socks, maybe) That's OK too. but you can't expect everyone to know that.

Catwoman8 · 19/12/2025 15:11

YABU to expect something decent from a secret santa worth £20. All of those gifts are abit naff really so I don't think you are an outlier. I am so glad we no longer do them at work.

wellbugger · 19/12/2025 15:14

YANBU. My secret Santa (with a £25 limit) got me a candle that was £2.50 in the sale and a crappy little teddy that was max £5

blenny23 · 19/12/2025 15:39

OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 10:28

Went out with girls from work and done secret Santa. The spend was £20. I got a tiny box of celebrations, cheap socks with my initial on and mug with my name inserted into a quote. It basically looked like a raffle and nowhere near £20 worth, a tenner at best. I had to sit there and watch others opening some lovely things - an ornament from next, no7 stuff, fuzzy duck, perfume. And the thing is I know full well who it was from. Obviously that person doesn't think as much of me as I hoped. Aibu to feel a little miffed? Id appreciate no hateful comments as I feel crap enough.

You’d be surprised how much fuzzy socks cost now. At least £8+. More like a tenner even in cheap shops. And then mug will have been £5-£10 too. So honestly sounds like they did spend around £20.

I volunteered this year to be part of a homeless/refuge gifting initiative, and was assigned a mum in refuge. The aim is to put a gift bag together of things they may like as they’re very unlikely to receive anything for Christmas (DV situations etc). I thought it’d be about a £20-£30 spend but have easily spent about £50. The suggestions for gifts included things like fuzzy socks, candle, chocolate. I ended up buying things like basic toiletries, tweezers, nail clippers, mascara, lip balm, hair towel, hot water bottle, a fun Christmas cup, a nice candle, sachets of hot chocolate and coffee (the kind with milk already in, so they just need water), some snacks bars and a little selection box. I had in mind a friend who fled a DV situation with her baby with nothing more than what they were wearing, so it was a lot of ‘essentials’ plus some ‘fun’ bits. I never did buy fuzzy socks because I couldn’t find any under a tenner! Which is honestly ridiculous, because you can get a 5 pack of normal plain socks for less than that.

Anyway, my point is that everything costs more these days, especially around Christmas, so try not to take it too much to heart because I bet your gifts cost more than you thought. I bet the small Celebrations were to bring the final total up to the limit.

As for your colleague not thinking much of you, they might like you a great deal but not know too much about what you’re into so went with some ‘safe’ choices. It can be so hard to buy something lovely for a colleague if you don’t really know them that well personally (beyond the surface stuff most people tend to talk about at work).

665theneighborofthebeast · 19/12/2025 15:46

jocktamsonsbairn · 19/12/2025 10:50

I get you. We did one the other day. All friends since school and we know each other really well. We have had so many conversations over recent years about menopause, HRT etc and I struggle with being too hot/having hot flushes a lot of the time. Everyone knows this. Most of the gifts were kind, thoughtful and matched the receiver perfectly. I got a personalised hot water bottle… I need a fan on in my bedroom and a light summer duvet. Was disappointed but not letting it get to me. She is going through a bit of a hard time at the moment and probably just didn’t think. I’m a single mum though and these gifts from my friends are some of the only ones I get. But she’s a lovely friend so big girls pants fully pulled up and the hot water bottle will either languish under the sink or go to the charity shop!

If no one else has suggested this..fill it with cold water...at intervals if necessary. That way you can have the comfort of a duvet pulled up to your nose and still not be hot.

BlackCat14 · 19/12/2025 15:49

I’m surprised you’re “feeling like crap” over this- seems a bit extreme. Is there more to the story with your friends?
I do also think the gift you bought (chocs, bayliss and Harding, a candle) really is on par with the one you received (chocs, socks, mug). In terms of quality of gift I think they’re the same.
And all of this stuff is what I’d expect in secret Santa! I don’t know why anyone is surprised by receiving these generic gifts. I love joining in with SS at work but more so for the camaraderie of it all… it’s a bit of fun, all get together in the staff room, laugh at silly gift and try and guess who bought what. I’ve never entered it in the hope of getting an actually decent gift, it’s always candles and smellies, and that’s fine!