DH being awful when I’m not well?

[umumum]

I’ve been diagnosed with flu. It’s knocked me out. I’ve been in bed for 4 days, throwing up, temp at 39, the worst chesty cough, insomnia, aching, unable to move. I dragged myself to the doctors because I genuinely thought I was dying.

DH had a cough last week and a temp. He’s been able to go to work, gym and eat normally. I did help him last week when he wasn’t well, getting him cough syrup and making his dinners.

This week obviously I’m no good to him. Yesterday he told me I needed to try and eat so he made me toast. I threw it up in a bowl by our bed. He was angry at this and told me to take the bowl out and wash it.

Today he’s said I’m a “hypochondriac”, and that I “like” being unwell? He also said I’m weak because he had the same illness and was able to keep on working and with his life.

This morning I’ve been eating dry plain crackers and my stomach is rumbling. I asked him if we had any rice in. He said “why do you need rice? You’ve been eating all day?”. Then he said because I’ve not been doing anything today I shouldn’t need to eat.

He keeps saying my name with exasperation and then saying “you need more energy, you just need to focus on something else apart from being unwell”. I find it hard to do anything, but he’s said I need to read a book, wrap presents or go for a walk.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m not well, but all of this today made me cry.

now he’s flounced off to the shop and is saying I need to drink a coffee to perk myself up.

aibu to think this is a typical male response to a woman’s illness??? Feel like because I can’t run around after him I’m a burden

Hes a prince.
No not all men are the same. Just as all women arent.

From everything you've told us OP, the fact that you are 'done' comes as no surprise. For the time being, concentrate on getting yourself well again. Then when you're back on your feet, work out a plan of action to get rid of him. He clearly wants to be a 'somebody' with his 'self indulgent business ideas', but is actually just a selfish loser, and you'll be much better off without him.

Do you have any family support, for when you tell him it's time to go? Also do you have kids to consider?

You do realise he’s one of ‘those’ men. The sort the nurses warn cancer patients about - the “doesn’t want to know you when you’re sick, and will leave you at the first opportunity” sort.

It’s not about being sick it’s about how disrespectful and uncaring he is. Seriously, rethink this guy.

No this is not a typical man’s response to illness - it’s an arseholes response to illness. Please tell me you know this!! I feel so sad for you that he’s being so awful when you’re so unwell.

I have been ill in bed for the last 4 days with a Covid / flu type illness and without ever doubting if he would, or having to ask, my husband has done everything with the kids, house meals, etc etc. he has also been working from home while they’ve been at school so that he can do the school runs. He’s made me meals; brought me drinks / paracetamols and also picked up little treats to cheer me up as I’m so fed up being poorly.

I really hope you’re better soon and then kick him to the kerb!

He sounds emotionally dysregulated & unboundaried. Punching holes in walls stands out as a big red flag. You are right to leave. I wish you the best of luck!

I hope you have a speedy recovery, he's horrid. He's making you more miserable while your trying to cope with flu. Think of all the things you can change going forward, hopefully by this time next year you'll be away from that toxic d1ck

He’s abusing you, you do need to get out of that relationship.

Hope you get well soon and then find the strength to get him so far to fuck.

My husband does not behave like this when I'm ill. It's quite common for men to behave like this when their female partners are ill I think but think it's only typical for the ones that are shit partners in general.

He's a complete dickhead.
I've experienced this with an ex. You treated like a malfunctioning domestic appliance rather than a human.
Get rid.

When you feel better, please speak to a solicitor about ending your marriage. You should also contact a domestic abuse charity such as Women's Aid or Rights of Women. He is being violent and destructive in your home and if he hasn't hit you yet, that may be his next move.

You are the breadwinner and your've been propping him up financially and he treats you with utter contempt and unkindness. You would be so much happier without him.

Tbh I can kind of see his side, but that’s because miraculously whenever DH and I have the same illness he has it worse and can’t possibly get out of bed or help with our four children/any housework while I struggle through doing everything. It can be grating if it feels like one person is just moping in their illness while you have to do everything alone while feeling crap yourself.

He is a twat.
i was ill last week with covid, couldn't move or eat, struggled to keep fluids down let alone shower.
partner bought half the pharmacy, took me to GP and looked after me and the home plus still worked full time. No different to what I do for him if he is ill.

@umumum

This is a major red flag. This person does not love you, let alone care about you.

Do you have any children together? Get your ducks in a row and get out.

Hope you feel better soon

WOW.

OP please don’t listen to this awful reply. When people become unwell, they don’t all suffer the exact same symptoms or to the same severity. One person may get the flu and still be able to work, or potter around the house, whereas another person with the same illness may be wiped out and unable to leave their bed.

I've read some pretty awful stuff on this forum over the years and this is up there with them. That is not the behaviour of someone that loves you. As soon as you are better, start considering whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this appalling human being. You deserve better.

Ignore this tone-deaf response. People experience the same illnesses differently. Your husband is being horrible. Good luck getting away from him.

Don’t think you should confuse venting about your pathetic male hypochondriac husband with the abusive bully that the OP is married to. Unless of course he has done some of the things that the OP’s husband has too not just when you are ill and if that’s the case you’ve got an abusive husband too.

No it’s not a typical response it’s an abusive mans response yes and once you are well enough to chuck him out your house and file for divorce I’d suggest putting Yourself first for a change

The property destruction is quite the dripfeed, and is also abusive on his part.

LTB.

Silver linings - his being a total bastard when you are ill has crystallised the fact that this marriage is dead. He is abusive, and you should definitely NOT "look past it". Those holes in the walls, that broken TV screen - they are a threat; 'your face is next to be punched'.

Look forward to 2026, OP. The year you are rid of him. ((hug))