Letting 10 year old boys watch violence

[ShivRoyston]

There is a thing in the news today bout teachers being trained to spot misogyny in boys- very laudable but surely it is going to be us parents who need to change what we do?

So, should we re—adjust what is acceptable violence for our children to watch? AIBU that my 10-13yrold boy should not be encouraged to watch 15 or 18 rated film or tv violence?

yabu- this is not a priblem
yanbu- we have normalised violence and we should reduce exposure to it

'AIBU that my 10-13yrold boy should not be encouraged to watch 15 or 18 rated film or tv violence?'

Yes, why would you do that exactly?

Who's encouraging them? Feels like there's more of this story to come.....

Who's letting their 10 year old watch 15 or 18 rated films anyway?

The type of parent, who would allow that, is probably not arsed about misogyny or violence anyway so you'll be preaching to the choir on here.

I am hugely skeptical of this "trained to spot misogyny" idea. What stats is this supposed crisis based on?

I feel like the parents allowing that sort of thing are the ones who aren’t too fussed by the consequences 👀

You don't think there's a problem with violence against women in this country? There's plenty of stats on it.

Many parents do not parent their children - because they are incapable, unwilling, too busy etc. These children are going to be exposed to pornography and violence on line either on their own or through their friends. Schools and wider society can do something towards mitigating the influence of this stuff - but the mitigations will only be partial. These children are kind of doomed from the outset. On a societal basis it is tragic and dangerous and the big tech companies have a lot to answer for.

Responsible, switched on parents working with schools can do a lot to combat this. With the right parent power, parents can agree together to limit the use of smartphones among younger children. This can be reinforced by bans in school. This means that communication in and out of school will not be dominated by a technology that is difficult to control. Parents can ensure there are parental controls on devices and that computers etc are used in the public areas of the home - not in bedrooms. They can discuss these issues with their children. Obviously kids will roll their eyes when told they are too young to watch 15/18 rated movies or games but most young people respond well to clear boundaries.

Obviously this is not 100% foolproof but it mitigates much of the risk for many children. For those parents who argue that a ban on this stuff will leave their children marginalised - if enough parents ban the stuff they will be in a majority.
Many schools have already introduced and enforced these bans with the support of parents. Why can the rest not follow suit? Australia has just banned all social media for under 16s.

Ours are adults now, 30 and 22. Even so, I was floored by the lax attitudes about age guidance on films and games, even then. Well off, middle class, middle aged parents. They just didn’t care.

There are ratings on films for a reason.

DS is 8, whilst I have let him watch the odd 12 rated film (Some Marvel and Star Wars stuff), he has classmates who are regularly watching 15 rated films. Some parents just don’t care, or want to parent.

Could I add: children, not exclusively boys.

@MrsSkylerWhite We have noticed that they don’t care because they won’t make the effort to actually be a parent. Many parents seem to crave love and friendship from DCs and won’t take the difficult decisions and say “no”. They don’t risk a moody DC or a tantrum so they just acquiesce. It’s all classes of parents. Those who take a great interest and have dc who are reasonable, don’t have this ongoing battle. Of course many parents and dc are great but I cannot see how teachers can stem this tide!

Men my kids are 11. I've let them watch some 15 films. Obviously only ones I've seen before and think are ok. Like the Matrix for example. They loved it.

What about bare-knuckle boxing in a barn in Somerset?

I think if you watch some of the films that were around in 80s, they were ridiculously violent. Indiana jones is one I can think of. I don't think that's the problem

Depends what you mean by 'violence'. Violence and misogyny aren't the same thing. Plenty of - I'd say most - violence in films is men being violent to other men. And the way violence is portrayed also makes a massive difference.

Not all 15/18 rated films are violent. Films are rated on all sorts of things. A film can be an 18 without being violent in the slightest.

I also think there's a big difference between 10 and 13. I've seen plenty of 15-rated films that I'd show to a 13-year-old without any concerns. I wouldn't treat a 13-year-old in the same way I'd treat a 10-year-old.

I think your post is far too vague and theoretical for a sensible response really.

You are right in that it’s no use just tackling the kids, it’s the parents that need educating too!

Speaking as a teacher of 10 and 11 year olds, lots of their parents are allowing this. Some watch with them (sometimes as a bonding thing they do together). Others either give the kids free reign or they've said it's fine for them to watch it unsupervised.

Games are the other big one. Lots of 10 and 11 year old boys playing 15 and 18 rated games.

The minute a parent thinks guidelines don’t matter it’s open season. What else then doesn’t matter? Language might not be appropriate or how women are treated. We just don’t care about how we bring up boys. Too many parents don’t protect them from bad behaviour and don’t have high standards of parenting.

Did you quote the wrong post? There's nothing in @BlueJuniper94 's post to imply that.

No, I didn't quote the wrong post. I presumed they were questioning whether there really was a crisis of misogyny and VAWG as has been in the news recently. Maybe I misinterpreted though.

Don’t you come across a “boys will be boys” attitude? Almost a rites of passage to watch violent or scary stuff. Wonder what alternative rites of passage that are a bit healthier could exist instead for tween to young teens…

Bonding? Bloody hell.

This is interesting, I thought long and hard about this. I often watched 'adult' TV with my DS when he was little, starting at 10 or so. I remember we used to watch NYPD Blue together (loved that show!). I thought I could talk him through the sex and drugs sensibly. Anyway, he didn't turn out to be a psycho!

Which 15 rated films would you show a 13 year old?
18 cert films have other thinking them which aren't suitable for developing minds