Letting 10 year old boys watch violence

[ShivRoyston]

There is a thing in the news today bout teachers being trained to spot misogyny in boys- very laudable but surely it is going to be us parents who need to change what we do?

So, should we re—adjust what is acceptable violence for our children to watch? AIBU that my 10-13yrold boy should not be encouraged to watch 15 or 18 rated film or tv violence?

yabu- this is not a priblem
yanbu- we have normalised violence and we should reduce exposure to it

And there's more violence in traditional kids' stories/programmes. In the late 80s we had the A-team. Tom and Jerry (from nearly a century ago?) was violent. More so than the Matrix.
Yet there seems to be far more violence on the streets/abuse than when I first became an adult, and I'm talking across the whole country. Sure, you could say we just noticed it less, but crime figures/abuse notices in public places suggests that is true.

A team wasn’t a kids’ programme?

Violence =/= misogyny

Something like Squid Games is a 15 because of the violence but it's not misogynistic. And I wouldn't be against a 13 year old watching (but not a 10 year old. There's a vast difference between 10 and 13)

Love Actually is rated a 15 and that's probably down to the fact that there's a bit of swearing and the one plot line involving body doubles for sex scenes. I wouldn't question a 10 year old watching the film however, they wouldn't really "get" those scenes and they are fairly brief

Game of Thrones is an 18 for very good reason. But a 17 year old watching it wouldn't make me blink, they don't magically change overnight on their 18th

Which is to say, the issue of misogyny in young boys needs more than a superficial "don't let boys watch violence"

Yes, it should be down to the parents, but work with children long enough and you'll soon learn that a scary amount of parents are...not very good.

I'd really like to see the stats

https://www.npcc.police.uk/our-work/violence-against-women-and-girls/

Here you go.

And that reason is guidance. It's a suggestion. It's up to the individual parents to decide what their child is mature enough to watch in their own home.

Should I let my 10 year old girl watch violence then? Or is it only boys that will take it on board?

Agree!!!!!

Yes it was. It was on early Saturday evening and even had a range of toys - my sibling got them for Christmas one year.

I'm not convinced that limiting exposure violent videogames/movies is the answer, but it's disingenuous to say that girls are just as likely to grow up to be violent. Men commit about 80% of violent crimes.

A lot of programmes are much more graphic in their portrayal of violence than they used to be.

The A-team violence was a bit like Tom and Jerry violence, you didn’t see any blood or gore

Many boys are being saturated with violent images not only in films but with gaming too, they can spend many hours a day immersed in violent imagery. They can also access violent porn in a way which youngsters weren’t able to generations ago. Obviously girls can access this too

There is a huge issue with misogyny in schools, and it starts young, so an issue in Primaries not just Secondaries.

I remember when DS was at Primary school, there used to be reminders/pleas to parents that 18 rated video games like Grand Theft Auto were really not suitable for Primary aged children. Children as young as 6 were being allowed to play these sort of games unsupervised in their bedrooms.

Not a film , but stranger things is a 15.

Many Primary age children were watching Squid Games and not just Y6 (10 - 11 yo)

I have had a very similar discussion with my son's nursery teacher. He was only 3.5... !

This came about because he was playing with his sister and "punched" her in the head. Not hard, but still the movement was a clear fist punch.

He didn't learn that at home watching Duggee... so I brought it up with his key worker, and they explained that they are having a lot of issues with some children being left to watch inappropriate "children" shows on TV that are meant for much older kids.

And then of course reproduce what they've seen in the playground.

Given that we have parents on this thread saying it’s fine to let 8 year olds watch 12 movies, it’s endemic. I know kids are influenced by media, in ways we don’t always predict. It’s not just one moment of violence, it’s attitudes and understanding what characters and fiction even are.

I was that parent who stuck to the age limits. I did lots of other things wrong, and I’m certainly not naive enough to think ds never saw anything outside my control, but I just couldn’t see why anyone would do something so unnecessary as give their kids out if are media, for zero reason, just because… why? I couldn’t understand it and still can’t. And working in a school, the kids who were playing Call of Duty at primary age were troubled then and they’re troubled now.

Out of age media, not out if are

I think that there's an issue between the evolutionary need for violence....the most violent men who are able to defend their family are more attractive mating material and the fact we live in a modern policed society so violent behaviour is no longer the norm.

Boys need to understand that violence is part of the human makeup they need to suppress their own aggression and channel it into more positive areas.

Sadly they are not taught how to overcome anger and frustration and to release it in a way that removes the feeling from them without harming others.

Therefore watching violent film can give the impression that punching someone in the face is the right solution in many cases rather than only in extreme situations.

The people of Mumsnet really do have short memories. In the 80's and 90's we all watched films we weren't meant to, I had older brothers and I'm pretty sure I watched nightmare on elms street when I was 8. Misogyny to was also much more normalised in every day life. I don't think I walked passed a building site after the age of about 13 without being wolf whistled.
I don't disagree that we have an issue now but I don't think it is with mainstream films and games (except Grand Theft Auto), it is access to YouTube/tiktok etc in which the algorithm presents more and more of the same content making kids feel that the views are widespread when they aren't.
For what it's worth my 10 year old has watched the occasional 15. He also knows how to look after his sister when she has crippling period pains and was devastated that Chloe Kelly didn't win SPOTY yesterday.

Movies rated 12 have violence too and yes, plenty of people let their ten year old, and younger, watch them.

PG movies are a bit of a grey area too. My dc school showed year 4 the Witches movie, which is PG, but a quick google tells you it’s actually recommended from 13 years old. Parents didn’t care.

Also Deck the Halls is a great example for misogyny, if someone has rewatched it recently - older PG movies are very hit and miss.

And gaming. Lots of violence. The age rating in families with multiple children doesn’t seem to matter -
they just go by the eldest, it seems.
Our cubs group recently watched a 3D film in an entertainment type of place after the activity. They could choose whatever and eight year olds ended up watching really violent stuff, because that’s what the older children wanted.

Too many people are blaze about it.

Exactly this. It was way worse when I was growing up. But its always mire fun to imply that parents of boys are all terrible these days.

It is absolutely not films that are teaching boys misogyny.

When I heard about this on the news, I laughed. Do the Govt seriously think we can't already spot misogyny - of course we can, it's blindingly obvious.

I've worked in primary schools for a good chunk of my career, and now work with older students.

When in primary, the main things causing these attitudes were: parents or older sibs allowing access to inappropriate games eg 8yo playing 18+ games. Personally I find many of those games more problematic than some films. Having said that, we also had parents allowing kids aged 7 to watch 18+ films, and S.King's IT.

All we can do is refer to Pastoral, but from what the children said, nothing changed. It's not always that parents don't care, we had lots who relied on teens to do wrap-around or school holiday care. Giving kids free access to mobiles, without controls doesn't help - plus kids can be sneaky. My teen realised if they reset their phone, the parental control app was removed.

One difference nowadays is that more people are trying to make a difference in respect of misogyny. So wolf whistling from a building site should be tackled by the employer, same with a man patting a woman’s bottom in the workplace. Therefore, the belief should be that our youngsters are being brought up with different values towards women that were prevalent in the 70s. But misogyny is still rife in schools. There is still the excuse of boys will be boys, it’s just banter.

but I just couldn’t see why anyone would do something so unnecessary as give their kids out if are media, for zero reason, just because… why?

In terms of suitability, age ratings on media are a guide for parents. You can't seriously believe that all children mature at the exact same rate in terms of the content they can handle, or that something magically happens on their 15th birthday that makes them more equipped to watch a 15-rated movie than the day before.

I think it's lazy parenting to accept the recommendation of a complete stranger as to whether a film is suitable for a child they've never met.