Letting 10 year old boys watch violence

[ShivRoyston]

There is a thing in the news today bout teachers being trained to spot misogyny in boys- very laudable but surely it is going to be us parents who need to change what we do?

So, should we re—adjust what is acceptable violence for our children to watch? AIBU that my 10-13yrold boy should not be encouraged to watch 15 or 18 rated film or tv violence?

yabu- this is not a priblem
yanbu- we have normalised violence and we should reduce exposure to it

@LiftAndLetLift That doesn’t surprise me. The issue is parents not parenting. Not caring and being with similar parents so no one is commenting adversely. Other children swerve them of course but they aren’t going to be concerned about that. I do find it odd when educated parents don’t regulate their boys though. I find it very odd and don’t understand them.

it’s not just violence, it’s the the messaging. I teach and it is shocking some of the things our children watch. I wouldn’t say are allowed to watch - I think often the parents don’t know, or are oblivious to the content. Often we as adults can watch something and get the irony, but young children take it literally.
I think parents also see their children through rose tinted, innocent eyes. I recently dealt with a year 6 child making a very sexually explicit comment to a girl. I told him that comments like that were completely inappropriate and misogynistic- we have talked about misogyny with our Y6s. His mother went mad at me - apparently that had upset him. The usual dismissal of he didn’t know what it meant - despite being used in the correct context. Absolutely no responsibility that their child was in the wrong or the upset to the girl!

I also find it astonishing that “nice, educated, middle class families” are failing to get a grip on online access to violence and pornography. Not just the boys, the girls are also allowed to chat to random perverts in their bedrooms! Must admit I always thought they would be in the vanguard of the resistance - seems not to be the case.
We need government, schools, youth groups, sports clubs, churches etc to step up and fight this. It won’t be a panacea but surely we can do something collectively to stop failing another generation.

Yeah people always think their little darling won’t be the one doing this… tbf it is hard to see your child in the round as they will always behave a certain way around their parents… I think developing a bit of curiosity around what your kid does when you’re not obviously there interacting- can teach you alot. The parents who just let their boys go free often also don’t make them behave responsibly in the house and don’t really require / value politeness … they let stuff slide seems a bit of a middle class thing… it’s weird as would have thought it’d be something they’d care about.

I mean there's a lot of judgement here of parents of BOYS specifically. There's plenty of parents of girls who are allowing them to watch inappropriate stuff as well and im sure are just as unaware of what their kids are up to.
Im not saying you're wrong here. Boys are probably more likely that girls to be playing stuff like GTA which us particularly bad but there just seems to be a lot of looking down on parents of boys on mumsnet recently as though only girl parents are doing it right. And no I dont believe 'boys will be boys' and let me kids get away with stuff that I wouldn't if they were girls.
I do sometimes let my boys (at 11) watch stuff with older age ratings but only if I've seen it and think its OK. Im thinking of the Matrix / the Martian/ Oxygen stuff like that. Not horrible violent misogynistic stuff obviously.

Our local schools are working with local sports clubs trying to reduce misogyny in schools, as particular clubs have been identified as fuelling the behaviour in schools, even though these clubs have female teams as well as male ones.

Are 10 year old boys encouraged to watch violence? My boy certainly isn’t. He thinks Home Alone is scary and gets upset that people get hurt and it’s meant to be funny. It’s how you parent. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mine isn’t allowed to game, baring the occasion bit of Mario Kart or bowling on the switch, doesn’t have access to YouTube/social media, doesn’t watch films with adult content, doesn’t roam around causing havoc (nor does teen dd either for that matter).

@mindutopia many parents are very lax about what their DC watch. Many 10yo boys will have gaming consoles in their bedrooms and parents will fund their games, some of which can have violent, misogynistic content.

In the context of mysoginy and violence , of course it will be aimed at boys /their parents. It’s not that girls parents get it right (oh ma, do they get it so horribly wrong as well) , but that type of content tends to show girls/women as victims , rather than perpetrators. Girls see things being done to other girls/women BY boys/men. It’s a different message, normalising violence being done to them, even if equally fucked up.

I can rant away about all the harmful content aimed at girls for ages, but that would be a completely different thread.

It’s not necessarily encouraged, but the lack of supervision and parental controls , means that in many cases parents have no idea what their kids are watching/doing. Then you have the ones that don’t know or care what the thing (all my friends are watching it/playing it ) is , so they just allow it.

@mindutopia Most parents don’t hold this line though. My DN was on his gaming console 9 hours a day at age 10. My DDs said he had tantrums when it was not his turn to use it. He refused to come out of his bedroom for meals. Frankly parents give in and it’s pleasing you didn’t but it’s seen as making your child happy and that’s not parenting. With DN violent and not age appropriate games were provided - of course!

Yeah fair enough. In the context of misogyny then yes I agree. Im a bit sensitive at the moment because of multiple recent threads slagging off boys and boys parents for all the worlds problems.

Someone even suggested my 11 year old was probably a 'scrote' who harassed girls for nude photos. Which is frankly ridiculous because
a) he's a good kid who has boys and girls as friends
b) he doesnt even have a phone to send a photo to
c) he's still young enough to not be interested in girls yet.
So i hate the "all boys are awful and their parents are crap" line that I keep seeing.
I do agree with have an issue with misogyny in this country and something does need to be done.

I don't think there's any 15 rated film that's vastly unsuitable for the average 13 year old.

It's what kids are exposed to online and in games I think that's more of a worry.

I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel that way. I work with kids and I find a lot of the boys to be absolutely brilliant. Some are awful though and there are certain commonalities between them. Same with the girls. While correlation doesn’t always equal causation, it’s not a bad thing to explore certain links.

The truth is SOME parents ruin it for everyone else. There are just as many threads about girls being bitches, vapid, shallow clones etc. and how their parents are failing them. Indeed , some of them are.

I have a 9 year old boy who just wants to build things on minecraft and laugh at silly YouTube videos. A really violent film would freak him out.

@CleoFigaro do you monitor what he watches on You Tube, parental controls don't always filter out stuff which he might not actually be trying to watch?

You can say children all you like, but the majority of "children" who play violent video games like GTA and Call of Duty, who regularly access pornography, who watch 15/18 films will be boys.

We as a society are a lot more lax on parenting boys.

This is what I mean about blaming boys parents for everything. Yes im sure you're right that boys are more commonly playing violent video games. And they shouldn't be. Mine dont. They play Minecraft and Mario or DonkeyKong. But boys watching 15 / 18 movies more than girls? Where's the evidence for this? I dont believe it's the case.
And j can guarantee im no more lax in my parenting than the average parents of girls are. SOME parents of boys might think "boys will be boys" and let them do whatever the hell they want, but we certainly dont all. And actually my boys are pretty well behaved anyway. They like to spend their time kicking a ball around in the garden / jumping on their trampoline / drawing and playing super Mario brothers mostly. They're absolutely not watching violence and porn any more than your daughters are!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bobo_doll_experiment

I found this when looking up La Bubu nonsense.

@Sexentric Violence against women is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men. They were once boys. They are this way for a reason. It’s not new that some men are violent and misogynistic but it’s being witnessed at a younger age and the parents of boys must play their part in bringing them up to respect women. So yes, it’s parenting boys. Of course not all boys are like this any more then girls are all like Ghislaine Maxwell but there has to be calling out of poor parenting because it matters.

I agree. I just dont believe that parents of boys are on the whole doing a worse job / care less than parents of girls.
I think the misogyny we see is a societal problem not one that sits at the feet of boys' parents alone. We have a big part to play of course.
I teach my kids respect for women and girls, I dont let them watch or play inappropriate films and games and I certainly dont allow leeway where I wouldn't if I had a daughter because 'boys will be boys' BUT it's a fact that peers have a FAR stronger influence over teenagers than their parents. And also boys are more affected by an absence of male role models than girls are. And there are way more absent fathers than mothers. THIS is more likely to be the cause. Not shit parenting (im not saying that doesnt exist it obviously does) but why would parents be shit with boys and not with girls? That to me makes no sense.

He has no devices in his bedroom so anything he watches is on the telly in the living room and I am around to monitor.

To be fair , in many cultures and some traditional and/or mysoginistic British homes boys do get A LOT more leeway and freedom than girls, as well as growing up learning that girls/women exist to cater to their every need.

@Sexentric Peers only have influence if the boy allows that to happen. They choose the wrong friends and haven’t developed the skills to be friends with pleasant boys. And there are pleasant lovely boys. It is a problem of parenting if the boy isn’t discerning and chooses awful friends and influences. All are avoidable and it’s decision-making that needs honing. It’s not obligatory to seek out the worst in society.