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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL driving me mad

82 replies

Christmasoutlaw · 18/12/2025 13:23

Hosting 12 on Christmas Day including my two kids (4 & 2) and consisting mostly of DH’s family. MIL announced that she’ll be coming over to bake and decorate Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve with the kids as it’s “tradition” in their family (first I’ve ever heard of it) to which I politely said that wouldn’t work as it’s Christmas Eve and my kitchen will be busy.

I offered for the kids to go to her massive house which is only 10 minutes away if she was keen to do it to which she muttered she’d think about it and pulled a sad face. When DH got home from work later that evening, he told me his mum had called to say she’s coming over on the 23rd instead to bake these fucking cookies at our house.

DH is annoyingly thrilled as his mum makes sod all effort to see our kids and after a chat with her about her lack of involvement a month or so he’s taken this as an olive branch of effort on her part. I am pissed off because nobody in their right minds thinks baking with a 4 and a two year old together is going to be anything other than carnage which is not what I want to be supervising/clearing up two days before Christmas.

OP posts:
Itsseweasy · 18/12/2025 13:25

So you are just giving in?
Is he doing the Christmas food prep or you? Presumably it’s you, so your kitchen, your decision surely?

YourZippyHare · 18/12/2025 13:25

DH can deal with the mess. Take yourself off for a long bath, a spot of late Christmas shopping, or whatever you're in the mood for.

Coffeeishot · 18/12/2025 13:26

Just drop the kids round say you are to busy seems a bit weird that this is the first you have heard of biscuit decorating considering you have a 4 year old.

Millytante · 18/12/2025 13:27

Doing it at her house on 23rd though sounds like great fun for the little kids, and couldn’t DH be there with them too, pleasing his dear old mum? A lovely granny ‘tradition’.
Sell it to him, girl!
And if necessary, just INSIST. You've enough on your plate even on the 23rd.

Tootingbec · 18/12/2025 13:27

Just let her get on with it on the 23rd. I agree that baking with small children was one of my least favourite activities but there is only so much carnage that they can make and that can’t be realistically cleared up in 15 mins (they are not making a 3 course meal)

This is definitely one of those “suck it up” moments.

SummerHouse · 18/12/2025 13:29

Jesus wept. She clearly doesn't want the carnage at her house. I would very quickly remember that I was out for the evening and leave it with DH. Whilst out, either at the gym or drinks with friends, I would try and find a calm acceptance of this and actually believe that perhaps it really is a genuine gesture to make more of an effort.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 18/12/2025 13:30

I’d let her get on with it. At least she wants to spend time with them, my MiL wants little to do with our kids

TheatricalLife · 18/12/2025 13:32

I'd let them get on with it and go out. Remind them to make sure everything is tidied away and cleaned up ready for your Christmas Eve prep. If MIL won't do it, DH can.

Hoppinggreen · 18/12/2025 13:34

"I am really sorry that doesn't work but I am happy to bring them to you on 23rd - what time do you want them?"
And entertain no more nonsense

SingtotheCat · 18/12/2025 13:35

Leave the house!

ThirdStorm · 18/12/2025 13:35

She needs to do this fun activity at her house.

Fluffyholeysocks · 18/12/2025 13:39

Tell DH it's best they go to her house as you don't want her having to bring all her ingredients to yours. She will have all the 'traditional' cookie cutters etc, so the kids are best going to hers.

Gymnopedie · 18/12/2025 13:43

DH is annoyingly thrilled as his mum makes sod all effort to see our kids and after a chat with her about her lack of involvement a month or so he’s taken this as an olive branch of effort on her part.

Performative grandparents. Is she going to plaster photos of her as grandmother of the year on Fb or Insta?

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 18/12/2025 13:45

@Christmasoutlaw , this is how I see it. To start with you are not being unreasonable, I have hosted Christmas for years for large family gatherings and it’s quite the undertaking and small children baking cookies is certainly a spanner in the works however…
It seems that your MIL has responded to having had her lack of involvement with your children pointed out and your husband is understandably happy that she has. I do think it’s usually very good for children to have a warm relationship with their grandparents and so long as they don’t pose any danger to the children their relationship should be encouraged.
If I was in your situation I would tell my husband that you are happy to drop the children off at your in laws and pick them up or that his mother can come at a time and day which you decide to your home but that the responsibility for the clear up of the ensuing chaos will be entirely down to him. Then let him deal with his mum.
Your children will love this activity and hopefully your MIL will learn two things, one that she can’t make demands but most importantly that spending time with your children is a joy and a privilege.

Changename12 · 18/12/2025 13:46

OP, this will be terrible for you. She will take over the kitchen and constantly ask you where things are. Tell your husband that he has to be there and clear up afterwards.
Your MIL is really cheeky. She just doesn’t want the mess at her house. I cook with my grandchildren at our house but if I suggested that I do it at one of my children’s home, quite rightly it would be a firm no, which is what you should say.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 18/12/2025 14:38

Fluffyholeysocks · 18/12/2025 13:39

Tell DH it's best they go to her house as you don't want her having to bring all her ingredients to yours. She will have all the 'traditional' cookie cutters etc, so the kids are best going to hers.

yes this is a good one - she’ll have the traditional ingredients too I expect?

Fluffyholeysocks · 18/12/2025 14:42

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 18/12/2025 14:38

yes this is a good one - she’ll have the traditional ingredients too I expect?

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Oh yes, it would be so exciting for the kids to make cookies with Granny, in the kitchen she traditionally makes cookies wouldn't it?

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 18/12/2025 14:43

Fluffyholeysocks · 18/12/2025 14:42

Oh yes, it would be so exciting for the kids to make cookies with Granny, in the kitchen she traditionally makes cookies wouldn't it?

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No need to change the tradition this year!

Downtoncrabbey · 18/12/2025 14:48

Just tell him what you’ve put in this post and that you don’t want her to come here, you told her to do it at her house and she’s gone behind your back and you don’t appreciate it. Tell him to tell her it’s at her house, or if he doesn’t want to say that, cleanup is entirely on him.

Swash89 · 18/12/2025 14:51

either put your foot down or tell your dh you’ll be going out and he needs to manage and tidy this

Zanzara · 18/12/2025 14:55

Over my dead body. If you give in this year, you'll have the fight every year. It's at her house or not at all.

TheTaupeScroller · 18/12/2025 15:02

Fluffyholeysocks · 18/12/2025 14:42

Oh yes, it would be so exciting for the kids to make cookies with Granny, in the kitchen she traditionally makes cookies wouldn't it?

Show quote history

You would be badly unreasonable to change traditions, wouldn't you!

Off they go to hers, with DH to remind him of his childhood. You cannot wait to see the photos of these precious memories 😂

MeridianB · 18/12/2025 15:11

It’s such an entitled way to behave and is definitely about minimising effort for herself. Drop them off at hers.

goody2shooz · 18/12/2025 15:17

@Christmasoutlaw okay then - but only if your Dh takes the dc to granny’s and joins in the cookie fun. After all, he must’ve done that as a child if it’s her Christmas tradition…

canklesmctacotits · 18/12/2025 15:19

Why won’t she do it in her house?

She and he need to be reminded that the house her son lives in is just as much yours as his, so she doesn’t get to bypass you and go to him like he’s the decision maker.

Then, she and he need to understand that if they make a plan together you want nothing to do with it. You won’t be pushed out of your house. You won’t be available to help or to clean up. You won’t be facilitating in any way. Her son can do all of that seeing as he’s so keen for her to show an interest in his children. I wouldn’t bother to leave my house. I’d sit in front of the telly after making myself a cup of tea while they do their thing, and I’d be telling my DH to make sure every surface is wiped and every utensil put back where it belongs.

She’s pissing on your territory to make it hers. Stop it in its tracks. You’re just a fly that needs swatting away as you’re getting in her way.

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