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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL driving me mad

82 replies

Christmasoutlaw · 18/12/2025 13:23

Hosting 12 on Christmas Day including my two kids (4 & 2) and consisting mostly of DH’s family. MIL announced that she’ll be coming over to bake and decorate Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve with the kids as it’s “tradition” in their family (first I’ve ever heard of it) to which I politely said that wouldn’t work as it’s Christmas Eve and my kitchen will be busy.

I offered for the kids to go to her massive house which is only 10 minutes away if she was keen to do it to which she muttered she’d think about it and pulled a sad face. When DH got home from work later that evening, he told me his mum had called to say she’s coming over on the 23rd instead to bake these fucking cookies at our house.

DH is annoyingly thrilled as his mum makes sod all effort to see our kids and after a chat with her about her lack of involvement a month or so he’s taken this as an olive branch of effort on her part. I am pissed off because nobody in their right minds thinks baking with a 4 and a two year old together is going to be anything other than carnage which is not what I want to be supervising/clearing up two days before Christmas.

OP posts:
Sanasaaa · 18/12/2025 15:30

Either say no thanks, it can happen in her kitchen, or, stay well out of it and your husband can clean the mess.

KitsyWitsy · 18/12/2025 15:55

just say no.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 18/12/2025 17:49

YourZippyHare · 18/12/2025 13:25

DH can deal with the mess. Take yourself off for a long bath, a spot of late Christmas shopping, or whatever you're in the mood for.

Agree! Find a nice coffee shop OP, take a book and leave them to it for a few hours!

MsSquiz · 18/12/2025 17:51

So, don’t supervise?

leave MIL and DH to it and tell them you expect the kitchen to be left as they find it

Laura95167 · 18/12/2025 17:54

"Sorry, we wont have time for cookie decorating because I need to prep for everyone coming on Christmas Day. But that sounds so lovely, why dont you take them round to hers on the 23rd and ill prep here im sure DC will love it!!"

Boomer55 · 18/12/2025 17:57

If she’s doing this on 23rd, it doesn’t affect you. Best let it be. 👍

Kerrie1973 · 18/12/2025 18:01

TheatricalLife · 18/12/2025 13:32

I'd let them get on with it and go out. Remind them to make sure everything is tidied away and cleaned up ready for your Christmas Eve prep. If MIL won't do it, DH can.

This...all day long! Just bugger off into the bath or suddenly remember you jave something to pop out for and fuck off out of the house for a few hours!

Buffs · 18/12/2025 18:10

She wants to bake, she hosts. End of.

LoveWine123 · 18/12/2025 18:17

Kids should go to her house and stay overnight…cookies and sleepover at nan’s, how fun!! DH should be thrilled at the idea!

Daygloboo · 18/12/2025 18:19

Christmasoutlaw · 18/12/2025 13:23

Hosting 12 on Christmas Day including my two kids (4 & 2) and consisting mostly of DH’s family. MIL announced that she’ll be coming over to bake and decorate Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve with the kids as it’s “tradition” in their family (first I’ve ever heard of it) to which I politely said that wouldn’t work as it’s Christmas Eve and my kitchen will be busy.

I offered for the kids to go to her massive house which is only 10 minutes away if she was keen to do it to which she muttered she’d think about it and pulled a sad face. When DH got home from work later that evening, he told me his mum had called to say she’s coming over on the 23rd instead to bake these fucking cookies at our house.

DH is annoyingly thrilled as his mum makes sod all effort to see our kids and after a chat with her about her lack of involvement a month or so he’s taken this as an olive branch of effort on her part. I am pissed off because nobody in their right minds thinks baking with a 4 and a two year old together is going to be anything other than carnage which is not what I want to be supervising/clearing up two days before Christmas.

Do you think she's only coming over to snoop at you preparing for christmas.

Iloveacurry · 18/12/2025 18:21

Go out with friends if you can and leave your DH to supervise and clear up.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 18/12/2025 18:23

Sounds perfect .. Pop out. Tell dh to let you know when all is cleared away... They can deal with the whole thing surely +

Jamesblonde2 · 18/12/2025 18:32

I had to laugh OP. These fucking cookies lol. Just make sure she cleans up and leave her to it. You go out for drinks with friends.

jazzybelle · 18/12/2025 18:33

SHE says SHE'S coming over to bake cookies in YOUR house!

What a cheek.

Horses7 · 18/12/2025 18:40

This would be a nightmare for me - would be much better in her kitchen surely? Can’t you say you’ve booked someone to clean oven and that’s the only day/time they can come??

Pollyanna87 · 18/12/2025 18:41

I reckon she’s been watching Channel 5/Hallmark films, and now she has notions about baking Christmas cookies.

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 18/12/2025 19:36

I'd just over rule her, it's your kitchen after all. Drop them round to hers on the 23rd because you'll be preparing Christmas stuff on that day too. Obviously, using your kitchen, it would involve her in cleaning up afterwards and restoring it as it was. That will be easier for her in her own home given she knows her own environment better than yours.

Unicornsandprincesses · 18/12/2025 19:39

Let them do it. She wont ask to do it again.

Tell DH you expect her / DH to clean up after.

LouiseK93 · 18/12/2025 20:40

Thats exactly what she doesn't want. Carnage in HER house and kitchen. Wants to do the nice nanny act without doing TOO much.

BaffledAndBemusedToo · 18/12/2025 21:00

YourZippyHare · 18/12/2025 13:25

DH can deal with the mess. Take yourself off for a long bath, a spot of late Christmas shopping, or whatever you're in the mood for.

This

awrbc81 · 18/12/2025 21:22

Just let her do it, DH can supervise/clean up. Just go out and do “last minute Christmas shopping” aka having a coffee and cake somewhere nice while reading a book

Endorewitch · 18/12/2025 22:54

As a granny I would want them to make cookies at my house. I would have ingredients on hand and everything else needed. The idea is lovely.But just tell her nicely that it would be easier at hers. I don't agree she is doing it as she doesn't want the mess.at her place. I find it difficult to believe she wouldn't clean up the mess if they baked in her kitchen.Unless she is a lazy slob.
But more convenient at hers. Just explain nicely that it would be easier. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Just assume she has listened to her son and is trying to make amends.

choccyfountain · 18/12/2025 23:04

No I wouldn't be having that. You've expressed you don't want it done at your house if she wants to bake cookies and carry on the 'tradition' she has to be prepared to do it at her house. Honestly I'd make an excuse to say that you have something planned for the 23rd and would much prefer anyway for it to be at her house if she wants to bake x

amispeakingintongues · 18/12/2025 23:08

Right. I’m no MIL fan BUT…if you’ve asked her to be more involved, she offers to start a sentimental tradition, then you shoot down her suggestion, she is put out but accepts your concern and suggests the 23rd so she’s not in your way… then what exactly is the problem? The mess is irrelevant because I would expect her or DH to clean up. Sounds like you have an issue with her baking full stop and if that is the case you should have been clearer but even so, its a bit of baking!! Mess and creativity is part of having kids. Stressing about mess and routines sucks all joy out of things.

Eenameenadeeka · 18/12/2025 23:19

He can take them to her house to do it on the 23rd, and it gives you some time and space to do your own prep. Everyone wins.

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