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Original poster

MIL driving me mad

82 replies

Christmasoutlaw · 18/12/2025 13:23

Hosting 12 on Christmas Day including my two kids (4 & 2) and consisting mostly of DH’s family. MIL announced that she’ll be coming over to bake and decorate Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve with the kids as it’s “tradition” in their family (first I’ve ever heard of it) to which I politely said that wouldn’t work as it’s Christmas Eve and my kitchen will be busy.

I offered for the kids to go to her massive house which is only 10 minutes away if she was keen to do it to which she muttered she’d think about it and pulled a sad face. When DH got home from work later that evening, he told me his mum had called to say she’s coming over on the 23rd instead to bake these fucking cookies at our house.

DH is annoyingly thrilled as his mum makes sod all effort to see our kids and after a chat with her about her lack of involvement a month or so he’s taken this as an olive branch of effort on her part. I am pissed off because nobody in their right minds thinks baking with a 4 and a two year old together is going to be anything other than carnage which is not what I want to be supervising/clearing up two days before Christmas.

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 18/12/2025 23:25

Won’t she need to take them out shopping first to get the ingredient's before heading back to her house to bake as she’s always done with her DS?

what a lovely idea!

in our house DH and I are usually at work on December 23rd unless it’s a weekend so it wouldn’t work at all

TheCorrsDidDreamsBetter · 18/12/2025 23:56

What a shame, you had christmas plans with the children on the 23rd already, didn't you

On a more practical note, tell your husband to tell her he'll be dropping them off at hers, no ifs no buts no coconuts.

toddlertoenail · 18/12/2025 23:58

She bakes she restores kitchen to rights. Personally I wouldn’t be at all happy if MIL suddenly sprung that on me 🙄

starfishmummy · 19/12/2025 00:42

Take control. When she arrives ask her to tell you what equipment she needs and helpfully get it out for her. Finishing with showing her the cleaning stuff and airly saying "just leave the things on tje side when you've washed up". Then you vanish for tje duration

Pistachiocake · 19/12/2025 01:07

Tootingbec · 18/12/2025 13:27

Just let her get on with it on the 23rd. I agree that baking with small children was one of my least favourite activities but there is only so much carnage that they can make and that can’t be realistically cleared up in 15 mins (they are not making a 3 course meal)

This is definitely one of those “suck it up” moments.

Agree (except for the least favourite bit). But it's important for the kids to have a good relationship with as much of their family as possible, and clearly important for OP's husband. Even if she's not been great before, people can vhange, and she might help out the family in many ways. She could end up looking after you if you're ill/helping out with childcare/just being a positive force for you.Even if she doesn't, your conscience is clear-you've tried.
Get your husband to clear up if she doesn't!

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 19/12/2025 08:19

Tell that woman that your kids will be going to her house to make BISCUITS on the 23rd (if in the UK).

Unicornsatonalilo · 19/12/2025 09:41

This was my mother to a tee

Didn't want to know her grandchildren unless someone was watching/had photo proof to prove what an amazing grandma she was (she really wasnt)

It's not about bloody cookies or 'making memories' shudder,it's about the world stage and bragging rights

Shes ridden over your boundaries (there is no reason she can't make them at hers) and has proved this by riding over them (going to your husband and ignoring you)

Hold firm-if it's that important to her then she won't mind where they are made

Ill guarantee this isnt the first time shes tried to push the boundaries but please make sure its the last

If I tried this crap with my granddaughter,my ds and dil would tell me to get to fuck (rightly so)

Their dc-their rules

Elsvieta · 19/12/2025 09:58

Don't supervise, don't clear up; if MIL needs help with either, DH can do it. Have you got a friend who would like to have you round for a Christmas drink or something? Enjoy your unexpected evening off.

RailwayCutting · 19/12/2025 10:08

Inform her dh will drop the kids over on 23rd or 24th. Which does she prefer?
Did she actually do this tradition with dh when he was a kid?

AngelicInnocent · 19/12/2025 10:11

If you don't want to say no, only at your house etc then take steps to minimise the potential mess and get pre made cookie dough. The DC can then cut different shapes and bake and decorate.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 19/12/2025 10:16

Sounds like something husband needs to manage, including clearing up. I,'d go out and leave them to it.

JFDIYOLO · 19/12/2025 10:36

I think you're blowing it up out of all proportion.

Let him deal with this. He's obviously got issues with his mother and it's probably best to stay out of it and let them build those bridges. Who knows, it could turn out lovely, especially for the kids.

So he can plan with her, shop, host, prep - and clean up.

Make sure he knows that he's running that particular show. Handover, step away and wish all the best creating a lovely new Granny, Daddy and kids tradition.

RailwayCutting · 19/12/2025 10:54

I wonder why it can't be done at hers. Especially as you are hosting Christmas. Anyway, if she does it at yours on 23rd make sure she and dh do prep and cleaning up etc. Maybe go out

user1471462634 · 19/12/2025 10:55

Her heart is not in it, she doesn't really want to do it but doing so under obligation as she's been called out.

If she agrees to bake at her house, which you should insist she does, I've a feeling she'll pull out & say she's not well. She can't really be bothered & that'll be her get out card.

It's sad, down to experience unfortunately.

Winglessvulture · 19/12/2025 11:07

I would tell DH that he must have misheard and that the baking will take place at MILs house. I would say that it sounds like a lovely idea but it needs to be done at hers.

CreativeGreen · 19/12/2025 11:33

That's as ridiculous as it is manipulative. You do not get to commandeer someone's kitchen 2 days before Christmas! No, no, and again, no.

Paganpentacle · 19/12/2025 11:46

Tootingbec · 18/12/2025 13:27

Just let her get on with it on the 23rd. I agree that baking with small children was one of my least favourite activities but there is only so much carnage that they can make and that can’t be realistically cleared up in 15 mins (they are not making a 3 course meal)

This is definitely one of those “suck it up” moments.

Why the absolute fuck does she have to suck it up??
If MiL is desperate to bake... do it at her own house.

Tootingbec · 19/12/2025 12:59

Paganpentacle · 19/12/2025 11:46

Why the absolute fuck does she have to suck it up??
If MiL is desperate to bake... do it at her own house.

Show quote history

Well yes - I agree 😂

But it’s more about whether this is a hill the OP wants to die on IF the MIL insists it has to be at the OP house.

I have no idea the bigger context of the relationship and letting MIL dictate is a thin edge of a wedge- so maybe the OP shouldn’t suck it up - but honestly if this is just a minor irritant then I would let her bake and personally fuck off out the house for a cup of tea and book and a few hours of respite from very small children

beAsensible1 · 19/12/2025 13:27

much better tradition for it to be a her house and Dh goes to help supervise.

keep pushing, the children will love it, it will be a better treat with the change of scenery and special time at granny's house. lots of lovely memories to associate with her house.

keep insisting its at hers

Brainworm · 19/12/2025 13:41

Is your husband going to be home when the proposed cookie baking takes place? If so, you can remove yourself from any involvement. If not, you can tell him that you don’t want to be involved so it needs to take place at her house or be rescheduled for a time when he is a at home to host his mother.

Paganpentacle · 19/12/2025 13:48

Tootingbec · 19/12/2025 12:59

Well yes - I agree 😂

But it’s more about whether this is a hill the OP wants to die on IF the MIL insists it has to be at the OP house.

I have no idea the bigger context of the relationship and letting MIL dictate is a thin edge of a wedge- so maybe the OP shouldn’t suck it up - but honestly if this is just a minor irritant then I would let her bake and personally fuck off out the house for a cup of tea and book and a few hours of respite from very small children

Show quote history

I'd die on it.
Nobody tells me whats happening in my house.

Fedup360 · 19/12/2025 13:52

I’d make it clear to DH that I will not be cleaning up after the mess. Let him know that he and his mum will have to clear up the mess as your going for a nice bath

QuantoDevoPagare · 19/12/2025 13:52

Have you asked why she doesn't want to do it at her house? If she hasn't had them much it might not be young child friendly, no stair gates / glass coffee table / weird ornaments. Or it might be that she isn't confident with them alone or is worried about nappy changing and would be fine to do it at hers provided your husband stayed with them? I would either way just leave it to him.

Anonymous2211 · 20/12/2025 11:30

Why is no one throwing this back to her?
Thank you for the invitation to bake cookies with you, as you know I am too busy to accommodate that day, what time would you like the children dropped off at yours? And leave to your husband to argue as its his mum.
She will do this every year if you allow this. It's more the fact that you've said no and been ignored by her and your husband. Whatever your reason to refuse was, it's your home. You've said no and that's the end of it. I can't imagine being entitled enough to argue with someone over me forcing myself into their home when it's not convenient.

Brooke70 · 20/12/2025 23:07

Tell her Dh will be delivering said grandchildren around at teatime-she can have tea with them and DH, and then do the cookie thing. Then she can clean up their mess. Pack them off with their nightwear- as I am sure they will be tired after baking with grandma!, and then DH can pick them up the next day! Tell her the kids are thrilled to be staying at grandmas! You, put your feet up and have a night off!