To think DS is gay and ‘friend’ is BF

[DenimMaker]

My DS, 10, has been friends with this 11 year old boy from his football team since he joined in April.
Since about mid summerish he has been gradually going round to his and him over to ours more often. And when they’re not physically together they’re always on the Xbox playing online. I just assumed it’s his best friend and I was glad he’d made a close friendship.

However on Sunday I looked at the family laptop search history to find something I was on earlier and found searches like “boys kissing” and “guys with abs” and I was stunned. The search time was when his friend was over so they were looking at it together. I haven’t said anything to DS or DH because I don’t want to humiliate him. I want to ask him if he’s gay but at the same time I want him to tell me when he’s ready. I’m not a homophobic person so I don’t mind if he is but it’s still been on my mind all week.

Do I ask him or wait for him to ask me? Do I tell DH?

Sorry i meant to say i would agree!

I would just assume they are being curious. I would also have a direct conversation with my DS about it and let him know its normal to be curious, im here for questions and id make sure the internet search settings werent going to throw up anything x-rated fo his age!

He’s 10!

Get him away from the other boy as he might be influencing him.

They could be up to no good or more likely just curious.

Most kids at that age are starting to get curious about sex and relationships etc and being gay is an extra level of curiosity.
I remember not understanding how they have sex etc.

Me and my best friend were as close as you could get but there was never anything more than friendship.

I think it’s odd that you’ve jumped to this conclusion.

WTF? Like he might 'catch gay' from him?!

Let your son figure this out for himself and stay the fuck out of it. You don’t want to “humiliate” him but aren’t homophobic? Eeesh. Kids look at weird stuff online all the time. Maybe he’s gay, maybe he’s figuring it out, maybe he isn’t ANYTHING yet - as most kids his age don’t really have “sexuality” and “attraction” in the same way an actual teenager would.

In short, back the fuck off.

He might be gay he might not.

What difference would it make if he was?

What would you do differently if he was?

Not let him be alone with his friend?

Not let his friend in his bedroom?

He’s a young child probably curious and exploring the internet.

the main thing to do is check your internet security and have a chat about safety online.

This is spot on. Yes it's raised questions for you about his sexuality but probably more pressing is the safety and exposure of him and his friend on the Internet, without saying what you saw specifically I would remind him that you check Internet searches to keep him safe and you want to remind him to be very careful about what he looks at because the Internet can be dangerous, scary and misleading although be clear it's 100% normal to be curious about all types of things, we all are as humans and there's no shame in starting to wonder about grown up stuff - it's part of growing but if he has questions he can ask you and you can direct him towards safe and appropriate material for answers he might want or give him some answers if he's comfortable with that.

They’re in the cusp of puberty and just about to be flooded with hormones. Are they gay? Who knows, maybe, maybe not. However, I’m going to take a slightly different tack than anyone else so far- If they are, and they stay close, it will be good for them to have someone they trust who is their own age as they get older. Because they’re in such a minority young gay men often don’t have the same early teen relationship opportunities and learning experiences as their straight peers, and some may get themselves into dangerous or exploitative situations with older men.
Keep an eye on them, make sure your DS at least is not accessing content he shouldn’t, other than that just let them develop into whatever sort of young men they will become.

Could it be your husband actually looking at this and not your son? Maybe he thought he could get away with it ... just something to think about ?

When I was 10 we didn’t have access to the internet, instead I found some porn mags in my dads garage. Me and my brother looked at them because we were curious. Maybe they were just curious, or maybe they are gay. I think at that age most kids are curious and they will have been talking about these things at school.

I wouldn’t mention anything but I would make sure he can’t access porn at home….or on his phone if he has one.

just say to him in general terms "I dont want you looking at any grown up stuff online becuase I will know if you have" and thats enough for now.

Terrible advice. And the reason so may kids are messed up, because their parents, who should be their "carers", back off and let them do what they want

I knew for years my son was gay before he finally told me when he was 19. This could just be a phase so I wouldn’t read too much into it. I’d be having a talk about internet porn without being too specific because ten is too young to be looking for any kind. Let him see you have a gay friendly household and if he is gay he’ll tell you when he’s ready.

My DS is gay and he only told me when I raised concerns about him having a sleepover at an older girls house with a couple of other girls and without her parents being home, when he was 14. 🤦🏻‍♀️

To be fair, I already guessed he was probably gay but it was good to have it confirmed.

I think if there’s a chance they’re searching for porn online, you need to have a ‘safe sex’ conversation with him and if he is gay, he might choose to tell you at this point.

However, I wouldn’t force a response at this age as he’s only 10.

Just because your son is curious or possibly gay it doesn't mean his best mate is his sexual partner. Or maybe they do fancy eachother but I'm sure it's all pretty innocent stuff at that age.

You do know there's nothing wrong with being gay, don't you?

At that age, it’s possible his friend did it as a wind up deliberately so it would show up in the search history. Like when I was younger we used to change each other’s msn names or facebook statuses.

They are 10/11! Its not about being gay imo, but time to have a light chat about kissing, friendships and body image. Too young to label them as any sexuality. If the friendship seems too intense, chat about healthy friendships too. Kids that age are way too young to have any boyfriends/girlfriends.

Just make sure that the older boy isn't grooming him.

I expect that it is no more than curiosity. It is the natural progression from when we looked up 'naughty ' words in the dictionary (like 'bum')!

Except a dictionary wouldn't expose you to porn at aged 10.

He's only 10, no need to label him yet. Just make sure you have adult content blocked on your internet.

Op just talk to him.

My younger DS is gay - he told me after his first term at uni, although DH and I were pretty sure for years before that. Please don’t quiz him about it - it’s very intrusive and quite rude. He will tell you whatever he wants to tell you when he’s good and ready