No contact with entire family ~ am I that unusual?

BangingBaubles · 2025-12-17T00:52:22+00:00

I have been disowned by my entire family which obviously hits hard at this time of year. DC also feel it with friends talking about Christmas with grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins etc. DC said earlier tonight that he’s been invited to a family Christmas party at his friends grandparents house and was a bit sad about not having contact with his which is what prompted me thinking about it tonight. I don’t know anyone in the same boat as us and nor do DC so it definitely does feel like we’re the weird ones! AIBU to think we are in quite an extreme situation?

CherrieTomaties · 17/12/2025 01:02

That sounds very sad OP, I’m sorry that you’re in that situation. Would there be any chance of reconciliation if you reached out to a family member?

I think it’s probably a lot more common than you’d realise. I think many people are disowned by families for lots of different reasons (be it: religious, cults, crime, sexuality, life choices)

suburberphobe · 17/12/2025 01:07

I have no-one at Christmas. Just me and my son.

Frankly, preferable to the many toxic family posts on here every day.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 17/12/2025 01:08

My dad died last year but prior to that it was really difficult to explain to the children why he lived so close to us (9 miles away) but never wanted to see them. Their only other grandparents are miles away (one in Leeds, one in Australia) so we never get to do a family Christmas, it’s just us. They have got used to it over the years and know why I am no-contact with my brothers now as well. Things will get easier as they get older OP and there’s so much magic you can create in a small family dynamic around Christmas

Ppppwwwwww · 17/12/2025 01:38

We are no contact with my family and my DH family. Have been for 15 years, it's hard sometimes but we just continue the best we can as a family and have our own fun together and with our friends.

Power26 · 17/12/2025 01:43

I do think it’s unusual and I don’t think many people will be able to relate to you or understand you.

Personally I am also NC with my family after literal criminal behaviour, but obviously I can’t give that context to people who ask and assume it must be reconcilable. I just don’t offer any information about my family out, and if anyone asks I will reference family in general terms so they aren’t really aware of any issues there. Because in my experience, if I do tell someone I am NC with family they don’t get it, like they’ll ask me about family in another conversation which wouldn’t make sense if they accept NC is in place.

eg I have a childhood friend who gave the police a statement in support of me after she witnessed abuse from parents. Separately, I was concerned about paying bills after unexpected issues at work, it never came to fruition but I mentioned my worries to the same friend. She herself, told me to get financial support from my parents - but at that point she was fully aware my parents were abusive and I was NC - it just didn’t occur to her that I wouldn’t lean on them in an emergency regardless of abuse even though she was fully aware of what had occurred. I just think to most people the concept of serious issues leading to NC is an alien concept.

HollaHolla · 17/12/2025 01:46

I've become estranged from my father this year. It's really difficult, as my mum is still there, and I can only see her away from the house. The usual family gathering is at my parents, and my brother and sister go with their families too. I won't go. He shows no remorse, and won't apologise for a situation which was entirely of his doing (my mother and brother were there, and agree, so it's not just my view.)
I am single and childless, and really thought I was going to be alone this year. However, my sister is not going to the parental home (in protest against my father's behaviour), so I will now go to theirs, and see my niece and nephews too. I was getting so upset about not seeing any of them, but now at least I'll see one part of the family.
My mum feels stuck in the situation, but I'm so sad I won't see her. It's so lonely when everyone is talking about all the family time they'll be having. It's been quite difficult to respond to colleagues, for example, without telling them everything about the argument.

krustykittens · 17/12/2025 02:25

I am NC with my parents and I am an only child. I have drifted apart from my family in my home country since my grandmother died. They just couldn't be bothered maintaining a relationship, so it died a death. My DH's parents are dead and his only brother lives in another country. He is quite self absorbed so I doubt he would bother much even if he lived five minutes up the road. They have grown up to be very different men. It does feel very lonely and a bit embarrassing. But I don't miss the arguing at Christmas!

Original poster

BangingBaubles · 17/12/2025 02:43

I’m sorry to hear of others in similar situations. It’s hard with family even when you know they’re dysfunctional and toxic.

My DC are teens/young adults now and it was easier when they were younger to do the usual kid’s stuff at Christmas to make it exciting and feel magical and they weren’t so aware of it being just us. Now they’re older they are very aware and will have to wait until they have their own families to have the big gatherings we used to have before we were cut off from mine!

Most of the stories I read about family estrangement are adult children going NC with parents or family members, rarely situations like mine where the entire family cuts off one adult child/sibling. I was the scapegoat who had the temerity to step out of line and challenge the family narrative and my role in it (which was being passed down to one of my own DC) so was metaphorically cast out into the desert, and my children with me!

It’s hard to explain as on the occasions I have, there is always ‘but there must one of them who will talk to you, how could they all turn against you’. I come from an extremely large family too which just compounds the feeling that it’s unusual in that respect.

OP posts:

Sparklybutold · 17/12/2025 03:06

I have no contact with any of my bio family. It sucks.

Original poster

BangingBaubles · 17/12/2025 03:14

Funnily enough, it just ocurred to me that it all started because of Christmas because my mother was pestering me to go stay with them (4 hour drive) so she could play Granny Christmas with my DC when she’d let me down last minute a few months before when she insisted she’d come and stay with us to look after my older DC while I gave birth to my youngest. She didn’t turn up, wasn’t answering her phone so I was worried there’d been an accident and it transpired she’d dumped me to babysit for one of my sisters to go on a night out! No apology, just said ‘but you were fine though’ (had to give birth alone after serious complications with a previous birth as DH had to stay with older DC because we had no time to arrange for someone else to have them).

I said No to her for the first time ever, and the reason why, and all hell broke loose.

OP posts:

thepariscrimefiles · 17/12/2025 05:17

I'm so sorry that you have such a shit family, particularly your mum. When your adult children start being in long-term relationships, you can invite them for Christmas and make your own traditions.

You know that any event you attended with your wider family would have you walking on eggshells and you would always be the 'scapegoat' child at the bottom of the family pecking order.

At least Christmas with your children will be calm and drama-free.

hattie43 · 17/12/2025 06:31

I think it’s probably a lot more common than we realise . I have family but have been estranged for decades . No horrendous reason just slow fades when life gets in the way , in my case moving far away for work . Contact / visits reduced as time went on to no contact . Do I miss them , not often because I think your friendships take over .

Iamnotavicar · 17/12/2025 07:50

I have been NC with my parents (one now deceased), and v low contact with nearly everyone else for 40 years. It was particularly difficult when I was starting a family, as I had no family support when I needed it. This included no one being interested in meeting my offspring, no photos, no love.

I suffered extensive physical and mental abuse as a child from both parents. Any contact post leaving at 18 was to demand money. Through education, hard work and a kind husband I created a new life for myself and moved to places which are far away and difficult to reach in a day's travel.
But it's been very hard at times, especially when my husband's family had no boundaries. I have occasionally told other people about the NC and hinted at my childhood but I think that if you haven't experienced anything like it, then it's very hard to comprehend. Other people's disbelief is so strong, I have been called a fantasist and a liar, and people have questioned what's wrong with me.
I had to get away to survive. I look back now and recognize many childhood occasions when I could have been killed due to extreme violence. My mental and physical health hasn't been great and I'm sure this is due to early trauma. And I find Christmas to be quite difficult, often inexplicably sad, even though I chose to leave

But...I did get away. I have survived. And love and kindness to everyone who has experienced an alternative path

Netcurtainnelly · 17/12/2025 15:05

Ppppwwwwww · 17/12/2025 01:38

We are no contact with my family and my DH family. Have been for 15 years, it's hard sometimes but we just continue the best we can as a family and have our own fun together and with our friends.

They say friends are the family you choose for yourselves

mindutopia · 17/12/2025 15:09

I am NC with my entire family. Granted, it’s just my mum (NC for 5 years) and my half brother (NC for 25 years) who are still alive.

I don’t think it’s common, but I don’t think it’s uncommon. Certainly, 30-40 years ago, my parents didn’t have a relationship with some of their parents and siblings and some of their siblings were NC with the family. If that was 40 years ago, I can’t imagine it’s less common now.

Bagwyllydiart · 17/12/2025 15:18

I went NC with my (evil) family at 18, next birthday I will be 68. Saved my life.

BlooomUnleashed · 17/12/2025 15:18

My sister & I are the only ones left standing together thanks to the Great Broken Home Wars of ‘84

We do feel like odd ducks sometimes, get a bit tense and vague when people ask about family. But unfortunately it’s more common than many people think.

MissMountshafft · 18/12/2025 16:00

BangingBaubles · 17/12/2025 02:43

I’m sorry to hear of others in similar situations. It’s hard with family even when you know they’re dysfunctional and toxic.

My DC are teens/young adults now and it was easier when they were younger to do the usual kid’s stuff at Christmas to make it exciting and feel magical and they weren’t so aware of it being just us. Now they’re older they are very aware and will have to wait until they have their own families to have the big gatherings we used to have before we were cut off from mine!

Most of the stories I read about family estrangement are adult children going NC with parents or family members, rarely situations like mine where the entire family cuts off one adult child/sibling. I was the scapegoat who had the temerity to step out of line and challenge the family narrative and my role in it (which was being passed down to one of my own DC) so was metaphorically cast out into the desert, and my children with me!

It’s hard to explain as on the occasions I have, there is always ‘but there must one of them who will talk to you, how could they all turn against you’. I come from an extremely large family too which just compounds the feeling that it’s unusual in that respect.

Edited

OP i am a scapegoat too - it’s very hard so your not alone - i again was excluded for questioning and being the truth teller - what has comforted me is that their is nothing you can do or could of done to stop this in a closed system based on exclusion for anyone threatening the family narrative, except remain by giving up on yourself which I don’t want to do - change who I am - it’s particularly lonely as I don’t have children

it’s very very painful right now as my dad has deteriorated and my sister controls access - so so hard

Spendysis · 18/12/2025 20:31

It’s tough op. My dsis cut me off when it came to light she was helping herself to dm money. We all discussed it and i politely warned her she may get in trouble in the future if dm needed care. Dsis also wanted to do equity release on dm house and for the same reason i refused. Dsis blocked me and my dc about 3 years ago not seen or heard from her since and she has made it difficult for me and dc to see and have a relationship with dm i had to go via ss to find out she has now gone into a care home as i saw the family home up for rent and i am sure i wont be told when she passes

dh cousin is dsis best friend she and her dc no longer speak to us and neither do a lot of family friends who obviously believe dsis lies

dsis obviously wanted me out the way so she can continue to financially abuse dm I got removed as poa which was then registered at the bank she has done the equity release and i believe had dm change her will

it’s hard as we were all close and dm and dsis were very involved in dc lives thankfully they are young adults now and fully aware of the situation

MissMountshafft · 18/12/2025 22:14

Spendysis · 18/12/2025 20:31

It’s tough op. My dsis cut me off when it came to light she was helping herself to dm money. We all discussed it and i politely warned her she may get in trouble in the future if dm needed care. Dsis also wanted to do equity release on dm house and for the same reason i refused. Dsis blocked me and my dc about 3 years ago not seen or heard from her since and she has made it difficult for me and dc to see and have a relationship with dm i had to go via ss to find out she has now gone into a care home as i saw the family home up for rent and i am sure i wont be told when she passes

dh cousin is dsis best friend she and her dc no longer speak to us and neither do a lot of family friends who obviously believe dsis lies

dsis obviously wanted me out the way so she can continue to financially abuse dm I got removed as poa which was then registered at the bank she has done the equity release and i believe had dm change her will

it’s hard as we were all close and dm and dsis were very involved in dc lives thankfully they are young adults now and fully aware of the situation

Omg that sounds horrendous - similar with me in terms of exclusion and being blocked from contact - although not any financial abuse as far as I know

I don’t know how parents sacrifice one of their children - I’m heartbroken - they can’t stand up to my sister so gaslight me when I point things out

it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one

Wordsmithery · 18/12/2025 22:25

I am NC with all but one sibling (five of us). I really feel it at this time of year. I see the other sibling about three times a year, never at Christmas.

Genuineweddingone · 18/12/2025 22:49

I do not have family that I see in the country I live in/was raised in. The only members of my family that I talk to or talk to me are my father and sister on different continents. I have no contact with my narcissistic mother and as a result have lost people over the years due to her causing constant chaos in my life and lying about me however I now see the benefit. It is quite literally just me and my son over xmas and while others may feel somewhat sorry for us i reassure people all the time that solitude means peace and I would rather raise my child with peace than the chaos I was raised in.

Pallisers · 18/12/2025 22:58

BangingBaubles · 17/12/2025 03:14

Funnily enough, it just ocurred to me that it all started because of Christmas because my mother was pestering me to go stay with them (4 hour drive) so she could play Granny Christmas with my DC when she’d let me down last minute a few months before when she insisted she’d come and stay with us to look after my older DC while I gave birth to my youngest. She didn’t turn up, wasn’t answering her phone so I was worried there’d been an accident and it transpired she’d dumped me to babysit for one of my sisters to go on a night out! No apology, just said ‘but you were fine though’ (had to give birth alone after serious complications with a previous birth as DH had to stay with older DC because we had no time to arrange for someone else to have them).

I said No to her for the first time ever, and the reason why, and all hell broke loose.

You are better off without that toxicity in your life. And so are your children.

It is very tough. I was estranged from my only sibling for a while and it nearly killed me. I feel for you.

Just try to have lovely chill christmas with your own family. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Allbymyself123 · 18/12/2025 23:00

It’s “extreme” & “unusual” but we’re the same & my kids have never known anything else. Makes me sad but i can’t change it

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 18/12/2025 23:02

HollaHolla · 17/12/2025 01:46

I've become estranged from my father this year. It's really difficult, as my mum is still there, and I can only see her away from the house. The usual family gathering is at my parents, and my brother and sister go with their families too. I won't go. He shows no remorse, and won't apologise for a situation which was entirely of his doing (my mother and brother were there, and agree, so it's not just my view.)
I am single and childless, and really thought I was going to be alone this year. However, my sister is not going to the parental home (in protest against my father's behaviour), so I will now go to theirs, and see my niece and nephews too. I was getting so upset about not seeing any of them, but now at least I'll see one part of the family.
My mum feels stuck in the situation, but I'm so sad I won't see her. It's so lonely when everyone is talking about all the family time they'll be having. It's been quite difficult to respond to colleagues, for example, without telling them everything about the argument.

Gosh, I couldn’t keep quiet as a wife. I’d be handing my husband’s arse onto him on a plate. Hell would freeze over before my kids weren’t allowed at Christmas because the dad was in the wrong.
Sorry you’re dealing with this, I hope you have a lovely time at your sister’s.