Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No contact with entire family ~ am I that unusual?

79 replies

BangingBaubles · 17/12/2025 00:52

I have been disowned by my entire family which obviously hits hard at this time of year. DC also feel it with friends talking about Christmas with grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins etc.

DC said earlier tonight that he’s been invited to a family Christmas party at his friends grandparents house and was a bit sad about not having contact with his which is what prompted me thinking about it tonight.

I don’t know anyone in the same boat as us and nor do DC so it definitely does feel like we’re the weird ones!

AIBU to think we are in quite an extreme situation?

OP posts:
Newmum738 · 22/12/2025 12:19

I have overwhelming sadness about this every year. It gets worse as my DS gets older. Families can be very difficult and Christmas showcases that perfectly.

Netcurtainnelly · 22/12/2025 12:21

Blump2783 · 19/12/2025 13:20

I didn't realise how common it was until I met DH and he was NC. I then became much more aware of other people I knew who were NC or very low contact. I also think the older we get the more common it is as people eventually hit their limit.
I was quite oblivious in my 20s to how many dysfunctional and quite awful people/families there are out there and I find it very sad.

Hit the limit is true. I think people put up with bad behaviour for a while from family, but in the end they have to go for your sanity.

Carycach4 · 22/12/2025 13:03

So you cut your mum off because sge was babysitting for your dsis kids and couldn't look after yours?

Bordercollierun · 22/12/2025 13:08

I’m NC with my family too. It does hurt at this time of year. I hardly think about it the rest of the time!

Mollydoggerson · 22/12/2025 13:15

I m v low contact with many family members.

These are the reasons:
Mysogynistic abuse
Financial abuse
Addiction issues
Poverty related social issues.

While many of them are in contact with each other, it is because they have nothing to lose and nothing to defraud from each other. It is, what it is.

Hibernatingtilspring · 22/12/2025 13:26

I sympathise OP, especially with the part about it being hard to explain, or to talk about because everyone seems to think it's either not possible/must be more to it or that it's a simple fix (just talk to them, they'll understand! - as if!)

My situation isn't quite as extreme but there's no family I regularly see, and it's more indifference or lack of closeness than anything else, so it hits home this time of year. I didn't grow up with my dad and the split was very acrimonious so I never had any real relationship with anyone on his side of the family. On the maternal side - my mum and stepdad died when I was a young adult, two brothers are complete loners and won't keep in touch, one distant surviving uncle, one cousin in prison, one with significant additional needs who lives in a care home. I have one golden child sibling and a niece who I try and keep in touch with but again they're not very interested.

I would like to start a new tradition of going abroad to a non Christian country, but I've been put off by the cost and the typical travel problems at this time of year!

DinoLil · 22/12/2025 14:33

I think it's now quite the trend to go NC. Gone are the days of a blazing row, now just slide off the planet and block your family.

Have your entire family blocked you? Why?

Or have you blocked them?

MissMountshafft · 22/12/2025 14:50

DinoLil · 22/12/2025 14:33

I think it's now quite the trend to go NC. Gone are the days of a blazing row, now just slide off the planet and block your family.

Have your entire family blocked you? Why?

Or have you blocked them?

It’s is never a spur of the moment thing

it comes usually after years and years of abuse in the family system and at the cost of a lot pain and is very sad for all involved

Cammyy · 22/12/2025 14:59

I am so sorry you’re feeling this way, OP. It’s not 'weird', but it is incredibly tough, especially when the Christmas marketing machine is shouting about 'perfect families' everywhere you look.
It is an extreme situation to be NC with an entire family, but please remember: you usually don't get to that point without a very good reason. You are likely protecting your DC from the same toxicity that led to the breakdown in the first place.
It’s completely natural for your son to feel a bit of 'FOMO' (fear of missing out) when he sees his friends' big gatherings. But he has a stable, loving home with you, which is worth a thousand chaotic or toxic family dinners.
Maybe this is the year to start a 'just us' tradition that is so fun he’ll actually look forward to your small Christmas? A specific movie marathon, a certain breakfast, or even volunteering?
Sending you a huge virtual hug. You are doing a great job in a very difficult set of circumstances. Hang in there.

Hesse · 22/12/2025 15:08

My son (16) has just got the annual hoovering Christmas card from my parents. They started this last year - he hasn't seen them since they flounced off when he was sick. He's not bothered contacting them which was what they asked. I was a bit wobbly when I saw my Mum's writing was shaky, just slightly. But she is so abusive, her own mother advised me to flee when I was old enough to do so. Very sad.

Hesse · 22/12/2025 15:10

DinoLil · 22/12/2025 14:33

I think it's now quite the trend to go NC. Gone are the days of a blazing row, now just slide off the planet and block your family.

Have your entire family blocked you? Why?

Or have you blocked them?

It's not the blazing row, it's the continued lack of accountability. People used to put up with leering, sexual harassment etc but times have moved on and folk have a lower tolerance level for poor behaviour more generally even from family

Hesse · 22/12/2025 15:11

"I think it's now quite the trend' 🙄

ThisHazelPombear · 22/12/2025 15:30

I don’t see my parents/ wider family either although I regret my grandad and auntie being caught up in it. When dh died his cousin asked me if I’d told my parents and I said no it would cheer my dad up if he knew.

Theres a lot of childhood abuse out there.

dabdab · 22/12/2025 15:32

For all of you who have had such a difficult time with family, 💐. I can’t imagine how hard it is, and it feels very unfair.

MissMountshafft · 22/12/2025 15:43

Hesse · 22/12/2025 15:11

"I think it's now quite the trend' 🙄

I know - so belittling to those of us in pain over this

MissMountshafft · 22/12/2025 15:49

OP - I’ve been watching the “scapegoat club” videos on you tube - it’s been really helpful for this time of year

she too has been excluded by her family - they are 10-15 mins at a time but not overwhelming

Patrick teahan is also amazing on this stuff and is recovering from childhood trauma himself so speaks from the heart - when I listen to him it inspires me because he names all those pervasive things that are hard to name - it’s very validating

LamonicBibber1 · 22/12/2025 16:06

Very low contact with mine, my decision on this was reinforced afresh recently, when I received a random video of their dog on my DC's birthday... No acknowledgement of the birthday, though they definitely know the date. Almost like it's on purpose..... Because it was.

My phone will be on airplane mode on christmas day. And my soul will be on freedom mode.

Reddressobsessed · 22/12/2025 16:41

I have rejoined after lurking for many years as this post really resonates with me. I am estranged from my mum for what sounds like similar reasons to the up-I was the scapegoat for daring not to forget the shit we went through as kids due to my mum choosing an abusive man over her children. My sister's cut me off as one prefers not to rock the boat and the other is a huge user who needs mums financial help.
My dad lives 4 hours away and we speak a couple of times a year although he does send the kids a very small amount of cash at Christmas. His side of the family don't bother with us anymore. So every year it's just myself and kids and it's really lonely. In fact my eldest son commented sadly the other day when doing the shopping with me that the people with huge trolleys full must have lots of family joining them. My kids also don't see their dad as he chose his partner over them to.
Solidarity OP and I hope you still enjoy your Christmas.

Motherofalittledragon · 22/12/2025 16:48

No same here, I cut off all contact with my half brother a few years ago, after my mum died her entire family stopped talking to me because I wouldn’t make peace with him. (They completely ignored the fact that he’s a peadophile and is in prison)

SixtySomething · 22/12/2025 17:01

CherrieTomaties · 17/12/2025 01:02

That sounds very sad OP, I’m sorry that you’re in that situation. Would there be any chance of reconciliation if you reached out to a family member?

I think it’s probably a lot more common than you’d realise. I think many people are disowned by families for lots of different reasons (be it: religious, cults, crime, sexuality, life choices)

Plus one major reason: siblings often fall out over the will after parents die. I think often it's not about the money itself; rather old grudges/resentments etc. rise to the surface. I've found this happens particularly in families of three children, where two gang up against the third.
As people say, it's more common than you'd think, because there's a kind of social taboo against it. Also, if you talk about this, people can unintentionally say the most insensitive and crass things.

SixtySomething · 22/12/2025 17:04

Hesse · 22/12/2025 15:11

"I think it's now quite the trend' 🙄

Can you explain what you mean by this?

Spendysis · 22/12/2025 17:14

@SixtySomethingin my case it is money/ will related dsis was caught helping herself to elderly dm money and i refused to do an equity release on dm house so she blocked me had dm remove me as poa so she could do this and i presume has convinced her to change her will. She hasn’t kept me updated on dm health or where she is living and has made it incredibly difficult for me and my dc to see dm. There is just me dsis and dm.

Hesse · 22/12/2025 17:14

SixtySomething · 22/12/2025 17:04

Can you explain what you mean by this?

Edited
Show quote history

Yes, certainly. I was throwing my eyes up at the quote which came from another poster.

MissMountshafft · 22/12/2025 17:15

SixtySomething · 22/12/2025 17:01

Plus one major reason: siblings often fall out over the will after parents die. I think often it's not about the money itself; rather old grudges/resentments etc. rise to the surface. I've found this happens particularly in families of three children, where two gang up against the third.
As people say, it's more common than you'd think, because there's a kind of social taboo against it. Also, if you talk about this, people can unintentionally say the most insensitive and crass things.

Show quote history

Yes - I read that all the sinking rivalries come
to the surface and old patterns get acted out

certainly happened in my family

WildFlowerBees · 22/12/2025 17:25

Although very hard at times because we seem to be hard wired into believing that blood matters more than anything else, it’s not true it’s a narrative that’s been forced on us. Just because a person is related does not make them a decent person.

I think it’s healthy to model to your children that even though a person is a family member certain behaviours are not ok and it is a good and healthy decision to step away from them entirely for your own wellbeing. If a friend behaved the way some family members do and they were no longer a part of someone’s life people would say it was the right thing but mention it’s a relation and you’re supposed to excuse them. No.

A painful process nevertheless.