AIBU to let 7 year old ds pull a sickie on schools sports day?

[titchy]

ds is a rather sensitive 7 year old in Yr 2. He is a bit immature emotionally and desperate for a best friend, since his best friend left school two years ago (ds still talks about him and feels guilty that his freind might have left cos ds bit him - obviously we have re-assured till we're blue int he face). He now has a small friendship group and we have a contender for a best friend tho' ds still has huge issues with his temper, but socialy he is getting more and more confident.

However he is quite small, and rather behind in gross motor skills (cannot ride a bike yet) so will undoubtedly come last in all the races he is in, as he has for the last two years. The magnitude of this for him is enormous. Although we stress it's not winning it's the taking part etc etc he HATES/is embarrassed by always being last. He feels the odd one out. He feels everyone laughs at him cos he can't run fast. He has been absolutely inconsolable the last few evening as the dreaded day draaws closer.

So I am thinking of phoning school on the morning of the day and saying he's ill. AIBU? FWIW I wholeheartedy agree that children need to understand that they have to do stuff they don;t like sometimes (dd also hates sports day but she will be taking part). However in ds' case I think it will destroy his self confidence which we've been building and at 7 years old I don't really see theh pont of him doing someting which has such an effect on him emotionally.

So...am I?

[titchy]

Excuse typos

[10weeks]

I wouldn't have a problem with him missing sports day but I wouldn't want him knowing I'd lied to the school.

I'd perhaps have booked a dentist appointment for the same day if I were in the same situation.

[MaryAnnSingleton]

-it's tricky- II can see your point and do sympathise as ds is always last,is just not a very physical boy,can't ride a bike at 11- probs with balance etc, but he does always have a go and the other children really respect him for never giving up

[Herodias]

I think he should go and do his best.
Can you be there to encourage him?

I know things like this can be tough - I am the mother of a dyspraxic son who came so far last in the egg and spoon race that the teachers had started to put the spectators' chairs away.

It is up to you to set the groundwork for this - tell him that he should just do his best etc, etc.

If the school is any good, it will encourage all the pupils to cheer each other on, and anyone who laughs at those who come last will be punished.

Gee him up, let him go, and cheer your brains out!

[TotalChaos]

yanbu.

[mumclaire]

titchy - rather than pulling a sickie could you explain to his school your reasons - maybe they could find something else for him to do like start races or keep score or something?? At the very least they would know why he wasn't in school??

[BecauseImWorthIt]

I would talk to the school about it first, to be honest. Unfortunately for your ds he is going to have to learn to deal with this.

The school may well have a policy in place to deal with this.

But I can sympathise with him and might, in your situation, if the school doesn't have a way of dealing with this, ensure that he has to go to the dentist that morning ...

[grendel]

I understand why you don't want him to take part, but lying to the school on his behalf is just wrong.

I agree with 10 weeks' idea. Book a day of 'unauthorised' leave and just take him out of school for the day.

[MaryAnnSingleton]

yes,second what herodias just said...if you opt out now it'll make things harder in future...give loads of encouragement and praise

[Aero]

This is a tough one I think. your post exactly describes my dd (even the bf leaving bit) and sports days always destroyed her self confidence badly in reception and y1, but last year (never crossed my mind to let her have the day off tbh) in Y2, she really put a lot of effort into enjoying the day more than trying to achieve anything she isn't capable of. I think some team games is the answer in these areas. We encouraged her to keep trying and never give up, no matter what, and for some reason, last year she took it on board. She wholheartedly took part in the races and did her best (mostly coming last or in the last few), but sometimes winning a team game.

I don't think YABU, but I wouldn't do it myself and I do think that with the help of constant praise and encouragement to take part, dd really enjoyed last years sports day. Not sure how it'll be this year as things are a little different for juniors, but I think sh'e more able to cope with losing now. She's a summer baby, so her age really didn't help in the first two years.

[Madlentileater]

I do sympathise.
I think this kind of sports day very unhelpful for children like this. At our primary school, at last KS1 sports day was more like a carousel, with small teams rotating round different activities, maybe teams were mixed age too, can't remember, but it meant children didn't have to come last in front of a whole huge audience. Too late now perhaps? but maybe discuss it with school? Or do as mumclaire suggests

[skeletonbones]

are there any non- competitive 'teamwork' type events that he could do and miss out the competitive ones?
I would try talking to the school rather than pulling a sickie I think, as it could possibly be a slippy slope to him wanting you to do the same so he can miss other things.

[MaryAnnSingleton]

I do think it's something to learn to deal with,tough though it is,and I do understand and am not being unfeeling.

[Mercy]

I think you should speak to the classteacher asap tbh.

He may need some extra support.

[snowleopard]

I'm with you actually. As a child like that, who loathed all sports, was bullied about my sporting failures etc., I would have felt deeply understood and grateful if my parents had done this for me.

FWIW I never succeeded at sport - even though I'm fit and active. It was the competitive aspect of it that did for me and I think schools should drop this aspect and make it totally optional - with the curriculum focusing on fitness, dance and finding our your own best way to keep fit. If they did that, so many millions more children would be happier.

Instead, at the age of 12 I managed to get my brass teacher to time my instrument lessons so that they always coincided with PE, and I never went again. Nobody cared because they knew I was shite. And as I've said, it hasn't in the least impeded me from doing active things I enjoy.

[saffy202]

I remember last sports day, a young boy who was painfully last but so determined to keep going with a big grin on his face. He got the loudest cheer of the day.

[ravenAK]

I'm with everyone else - poor ds, but you have to draw a line I think.

FWIW I was that uncoordinated last-in-everything child - even now I never walk down a flight of stairs if I can fall down them , so I do sympathise. But I think dealing with being rubbish at a particular skill is just something you have to learn sooner or later.

What's he really really good at? Can you manufacture a chance for him to dazzle at something else the day before, so he can tell himself Sports Day, pah, who cares?

[cocolepew]

My DD1 has problems with running, is very small always comes last and cries for a week before sports day. But she always participates on the day. DD2 is a natural athlete, an excellent runner and a show off. She never participates on the day, she won't run when there is "real life people watching" .

I think YANBU but surely the school won't force him to run. Good luck.

[foxythesnowfox]

Ahh, poor DS. It is hard, and I understand you want to protect him.

I think taking part is really important though. If its anything like our school, they don't make anything massively competitive. All races are in teams, so its not the individual who wins/loses. Its also a really good bonding opportunity.

Definately talk to his teacher and tell them exactly what you've said here. See what they can do.

Do an egg and spoon race with him, let him practice (without making it seem as though you are 'in training' for sports day!)

And go on the day and yell your loudest!

[margoandjerry]

I am thinking of pulling a sickie on our forthcoming awayday because it has been suggested that we play rounders in the park in the afternoon. I am one of the partners btw

I have absolute sympathy for your DS. I still go hot and cold thinking of our school sports day and that was 35 years ago. I'd be inclined to make other arrangements but on the understanding that you work together on something he can participate in next year.

[constancereader]

Talk to the teacher about his fears. I am sure they will be sympathetic and together you can come up with a solution like taking part in some team activities and missing out the more stressful races.

[BroccoliSpears]

I wonder if by letting him hide from sports day by staying at home you may be giving him the message that it is important to be able to do well at sports, and his failure to be any good at this sort of stuff is a problem. Far healthier to keep on with the message that it really really doesn't matter if he's not the best at this, and coming last in his races is fine if he tries his best. Am not unsympathetic though - poor lad sounds as though he's having a rotten time of it.

[ipanemagirl]

This sounds such a painful situation and I empathise very much.

Chucking a sickie sounds totally reasonable to spare him pain.

But I agree that he shouldn't know you've lied about it. I also wonder what the school might do to address your concerns? Maybe the PHSE coordinator or someone appropriate might be able to talk to your ds before hand?

A friend and I helped last yr at my ds's Yr 1 sports day and it was pretty rubbish but they did stream the kids by sporting ability. One girl was finding it hard to keep losing and she just threw a sobbing fit for about an hour, her mother was mortified.

But the same girl came first in all the termly 'merits' awards etc. So one mother said to me: "That one has to learn that she's not always the best at things". I don't know though if your ds has other strengths to compensate for this perception of being weakness.

Good luck with whatever you decide, such a hard decision.

[nametaken]

YABU - If we can't teach our children to win, then we must teach them to lose with grace.

[ipanemagirl]

This sounds such a painful situation and I empathise very much.

Chucking a sickie sounds totally reasonable to spare him pain.

But I agree that he shouldn't know you've lied about it. I also wonder what the school might do to address your concerns? Maybe the PHSE coordinator or someone appropriate might be able to talk to your ds before hand?

A friend and I helped last yr at my ds's Yr 1 sports day and it was pretty rubbish but they did stream the kids by sporting ability. One girl was finding it hard to keep losing and she just threw a sobbing fit for about an hour, her mother was mortified.

But the same girl came first in all the termly 'merits' awards etc. So one mother said to me: "That one has to learn that she's not always the best at things". I don't know though if your ds has other strengths to compensate for this perception of being weakness.

Good luck with whatever you decide, such a hard decision.