Not to buy new wrapping paper for SC?

[readystdygo]

Every year I buy new wrapping paper for my two kids. I wrap each kids in different paper so they can tell whos is whos.

I then wrap my step childs in whatever paper I have left. Step child is not here on christmas day.

I was discussing this with a friend and she said its wrong that step child dont get new paper too? I cant see how it makes any difference?

Maybe the other kids will tell them that all their presents were one paper and they have a mix 🤷‍♀️ I don’t know but it’s less about the paper itself and more about the thought behind it. Her kids get new paper and she buys a special roll for each each year (so a sort of tradition) and the stepkid gets whatever is left over. I bet if the OP had a third child who went to their dads on Christmas morning and wouldn’t be there for presents with the other two, she’d still buy them a different roll as it would be part of the special ritual.

The difference is you are treating SC differently - deliberately. And you know it. So take a long hard look at yourself and ask yourself why. (FWIW I am a step-mum).

I have inadvertently created a tradition whereby I always wrap DS's presents in paper with a blue background and DD's in paper with a red background.

Last week I needed some wrapping paper for a Secret Santa gift. I pulled the nearest paper out of the cupboard. It happened to have a blue background.
DS got very upset** because it was "his" wrapping paper. To me it was just wrapping paper.

DS is 21. It turns out small things can mean a lot to children.

**"Upset" used for suitable hyperbole, he was mildly miffed for about 2 minutes.

I must admit that I conjured up an image of the OP actually ironing previously used wrapping paper for the SC 😱 !

But seriously, as long as the paper is intact and age appropriate what does it matter?

A non issue to me. I stopped buying wrapping paper and all our presents are wrapped in whatever free papers came through the door that i saved or leftover rolls of wallpaper if we've decorated recently. Saves waste and gives us something to read in between presents 😀

Total non issue unless the kids were all opening things together.

My kids must be traumatised because they get reused wrapping paper half the time, sometimes it was even a piece that wrapped a siblings gift the year before. Nothing matches or looks like an instagram photo and if the paper is new off a roll it’s what was on offer in the January sales. They even have to go to the bother of reading the (often reused from last year) gift tag on the present to find out who it’s for.

Funnily enough neither child has ever been anything other than delighted on Christmas Day because inside the reused and smoothed out wrapping paper or the gift bag from three years ago is a well chosen and usually stupidly overpriced present that they really wanted. I could probably wrap everything in toilet paper and they’d be happy.

Shitty behaviour.

Exactly and feels happy to openly tell her friend about her Christmas paper ritual and the fact that her SC gets leftovers. And I bet you anything that she chooses special paper that she knows her kids will like (with each getting their own one). So the DSC gets scraps that are a mixture of their half/step-siblings’ interests/likes. And kids do care about the paper - mine definitely do.

If the child doesn’t see the other gifts, then there is no issue, the present is wrapped with Christmas paper. That’s all that counts.

@readystdygo why are you doubting yourself?

Won’t your children know when your SC arrives, that they have the same paper?

Yes I think you’re right, it’s not used paper, it’s new, just different.
I also doubt whether any of mine ever noticed the paper, just ripped it off !

Oh good grief, let’s not make things worse 🤣

The only stipulation on paper in this house is that the stocking paper needs to be different to ‘my’ gifts

I don’t really like the way you worded it tbh. That your SC gets ‘whatever is left’ so like the scraps from your children. I don’t think they need separate paper or anything since the notion is you buy different ones to differentiate between your DC on the day. I just think you need to rethink the way you speak about your SC.

No they won’t be traumatised because you treat them all the same. But if one is a stepkid and gets treated differently that will be picked up on even for very small things. Same as if you had one adopted child and didn’t do small things for them that you did for the others.

It’s not really about the paper or indeed the actions of buying/wrapping gifts, nor the logic/practicalities. It is the attitudes, intentions and perceptions underpinning these actions. No, kids probably don’t care about paper itself, but if the attitude of ‘leftovers’ is extended to the SC in other ways (which it usually is in these kinds of situations) then it can become a problem and is where the ‘different treatment’ comments are coming from.

Because my children aren’t tiny anymore and often the adults in the family unwrap theirs carefully. And I don’t use much tape so it’s easy to get into. No one’s policing the unwrapping and the kids can shred if they want but generally there’s enough decent sized pieces to reuse that I can get most of the stocking fillers and a few smaller things done the next year.

My grandparents were very frugal and it’s how I was raised with Christmas presents - they’d be astounded by piles of matchy-matchy gifts in new paper. I’m not quite as obsessive about it as my Granny though, she’d have the iron out carefully peeling off sellotape and flattening paper before Christmas lunch!

I’ve wrapped my two in different paper because they’re under the tree on Christmas Day, saves me writing labels. Anyone that isn’t opening gifts with us on Christmas Day is wrapped in wrapping paper (doesn’t matter which)
with a label on it. If that’s what you’re doing OP then it makes no odds if SC gets ‘new paper’.

But when you frame it like ‘I’m doing this for my DC but SC gets whatever’s left’ it sounds mean spirited. But practically speaking of course it actually makes no difference.

p thing wrong with what you’ve explained OP. So essentially same proper as your DC, just not separated. The SC is not there on christmas day to notice your DC get their own design.

But how will they know? If I post one of my nieces a set of matching wrapped parcels and the other a mismatched set, which they open separately and never see, is that upsetting?

Yes, it’s really about your attitude towards your own dc vs sc. Not logistics.

Just buy each kid their own paper and use leftovers for you/your DH/other people

if kids get new paper, your sc deserves new paper

I personally wrap everything in whatever I have/can find, including my own dc. I have infamously presented my own dc with something wrapped in white printer paper as I ran out of wrapping paper. We still laugh about it and occasionally I still wrap something in printer paper for them as a joke.

The purpose of different wrappings for your children is to identify which presents are for which child. If you don't need separate wrapping doe SC for this reason then there is no need to buy separate paper. If they're not there on Christmas Day they won't know about it anyway and also I'm sure the children don't remember what paper their gifts were wrapped in the precious year!

I mean you wouldn’t want one of your dc to pipe up “that was my paper from last year” would you

Yeah - for such a little thing as the step child grows older - it's not a massive thing to buy another colour of wrapping paper so they feel part of things.\

My self esteem as an adult is shot to hell partially because of the cumulative effect of all these little things marking me out as "the step child" growing up - and whatever you think of a child's other parent - they don't deserve that if it's a little and avoidable thing.

Well I presume that her children possess the power of speech so might well say something, especially if it’s an interest-specific paper like Minecraft or football and the other one is say unicorns (in which case it’s really obvious). Or photos of the presents. They might well find out and it’s also obvious to the DSC’s dad I would have thought. The OP’s friend specifically pulled her up on it as well. I wouldn’t be happy if I saw my partner doing this, all for the sake of saving £1.50 for a roll of paper or whatever.