Page 14 | Not to buy new wrapping paper for SC?

readystdygo · 2025-12-16T09:09:12+00:00

Every year I buy new wrapping paper for my two kids. I wrap each kids in different paper so they can tell whos is whos. I then wrap my step childs in whatever paper I have left. Step child is not here on christmas day. I was discussing this with a friend and she said its wrong that step child dont get new paper too? I cant see how it makes any difference?

TicklishMintDuck · 18/12/2025 16:56

readystdygo · 17/12/2025 21:04

Not sure how its relevant but yes when step child opens presents all children are here... sometimes they watch, sometimes they go up to their rooms, something they go and get some food.
They dont care that DSD is opening presents as they understand they already had theirs.

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Right, I assumed everyone would open them together.

Terfarina · 18/12/2025 17:05

KingdomCome1 · 18/12/2025 14:27

Yes, I did.

And she isn't wrong. It isn't up to her to purchase wrapping paper for the DSC's presents. It's up to their parent to organise this if they want to buy special new wrapping paper.

It is not wrong for a parent to focus their energy and attention on their own children. That doesn't mean neglecting DSC or treating them badly. In this circumstance, the OP wants to buy wrapping paper for her children's gifts. She will use that same wrapping paper for her DSC, but without needing to use a separate paper because there is no risk of confusion over presents. She is literally buying new paper and using it for all of the children. So get a grip. But even if she weren't doing that, she wouldn't be doing anything wrong unless she wasn't bothering to wrap the DSC's at all (although even that is really the responsibility of their parent) or if she was fishing used wrapping paper from the bin bags to reuse for the DSC or wrapping them in tin foil or something.

Here's the thing: nothing is ever equal in a blended family. It's simply impossible and trying to pretend that it is equal is silly. All the children involved have to understand and accept their situation and the adults involved have a responsibility to help them to do that in a supportive and mature way. And yes, I am part of a blended family and my eldest child has been part of a blended family. I have DSC who are grown up now.

The fact that people are up in arms over what paper the DSC's presents are wrapped in just shows the level of ridiculousness that goes on in some households where DSC are concerned when the adults are too ruled by fear of their children feeling rejected instead of being led by healthy emotions which support all the children in the family effectively.

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Hard disagree, in a blended family it is really important to treat the kids equitably. Their circumstances outside of the blended family will differ but it is important that within the family they are treated the same. If you actually want to be a cohesive family long term rather than 2 x small families cohabiting, that is.

i also have a blended family, adult SC blah blah. I’m not saying it is easy, it’s incredibly hard, but ALL the children’s needs should come first. They didn’t ask to be in a blended family.

it is disingenuous saying people are up in arms about wrapping paper, it is the clear thought of and treatment of the SC as second class in various ways that is horrible.

PinkFrogss · 18/12/2025 19:23

TicklishMintDuck · 18/12/2025 16:55

On Christmas Day they’ll all be opening presents.

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Yes, and?

DSD isn’t there on Christmas Day.

The day DSD is there and opens presents OP’s DC are also there.

Sorry I don’t understand your posts at all.

Usernamenotav · 18/12/2025 22:44

readystdygo · 16/12/2025 14:52

Sorry but I completely disagree with your last statement.
I may be a step mum but I am a mum to my kids before that, my two children deserve more effort from me in life as I am their mother.
SC also has their own mother.
Now my husband should put the same effort into all the kids, I agree.

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That's absolutely despicable. They should ALL be treated the same. I wouldn't dream of putting more effort into my children than my stepchildren just because she isn't biologically mine. They all get the same effort. Really leaning into that evil stepmother role aren't you? I'm appalled!!

KingdomCome1 · 18/12/2025 22:59

Terfarina · 18/12/2025 17:05

Hard disagree, in a blended family it is really important to treat the kids equitably. Their circumstances outside of the blended family will differ but it is important that within the family they are treated the same. If you actually want to be a cohesive family long term rather than 2 x small families cohabiting, that is.

i also have a blended family, adult SC blah blah. I’m not saying it is easy, it’s incredibly hard, but ALL the children’s needs should come first. They didn’t ask to be in a blended family.

it is disingenuous saying people are up in arms about wrapping paper, it is the clear thought of and treatment of the SC as second class in various ways that is horrible.

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I don't disagree that all the children's needs should come first and I would agree that treating DSC like second-class citizens would indeed be abhorrent. But that is not what is happening here, in my opinion.

Thechaseison71 · 19/12/2025 12:43

TicklishMintDuck · 18/12/2025 16:55

On Christmas Day they’ll all be opening presents.

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At different houses though

Aweecupofteaandabiscuit · 19/12/2025 14:00

Terfarina · 18/12/2025 17:05

Hard disagree, in a blended family it is really important to treat the kids equitably. Their circumstances outside of the blended family will differ but it is important that within the family they are treated the same. If you actually want to be a cohesive family long term rather than 2 x small families cohabiting, that is.

i also have a blended family, adult SC blah blah. I’m not saying it is easy, it’s incredibly hard, but ALL the children’s needs should come first. They didn’t ask to be in a blended family.

it is disingenuous saying people are up in arms about wrapping paper, it is the clear thought of and treatment of the SC as second class in various ways that is horrible.

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This just goes to show that people are different.
My DH is the adult step child whose experience in a heavily faked blended family where “equality at all costs” created such an awkward position for him, has led him to create a blended family where everyone is happy and comfortable with who they are and who their parents/children are. No need to perform or over analyse or get upset over wrapping paper (or equivalent minor details in life). We just are.
It’s perfectly normal and healthy for my children to be extra special to me, just as DSD is extra special to her own mother. It’s not something that anyone should be getting their knickers in a twist about.
DH can twist his own knickers trying to keep all of them equal if he likes, but the truth is that even that’s probably not possible. His children have different mothers and different homes and are at very different stages of childhood. As long as they all know they are equally loved by their father and they all have what they need when they need it, that’s a success in my eyes.

Original poster

readystdygo · 22/12/2025 09:47

Usernamenotav · 18/12/2025 22:44

That's absolutely despicable. They should ALL be treated the same. I wouldn't dream of putting more effort into my children than my stepchildren just because she isn't biologically mine. They all get the same effort. Really leaning into that evil stepmother role aren't you? I'm appalled!!

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You are appalled that a mother puts more effort into her own biological children then a step child? You need to get out more. I stand by what I said, they are my children, they get more effort FROM ME, as their mother. Their father gives them all equal effort.

He doesn't buy any wrapping paper for any of the kids, equal!.

All the kids presents are wrapped and in fact I wrapped all my DSDs presents and our kids presents this year, if I was that horrid I could of left them to the side and told my OH to do it but I didn't.

In step families fair doesn't always mean equal.

OP posts:

aCatCalledFawkes · 22/12/2025 09:59

Terfarina · 18/12/2025 17:05

Hard disagree, in a blended family it is really important to treat the kids equitably. Their circumstances outside of the blended family will differ but it is important that within the family they are treated the same. If you actually want to be a cohesive family long term rather than 2 x small families cohabiting, that is.

i also have a blended family, adult SC blah blah. I’m not saying it is easy, it’s incredibly hard, but ALL the children’s needs should come first. They didn’t ask to be in a blended family.

it is disingenuous saying people are up in arms about wrapping paper, it is the clear thought of and treatment of the SC as second class in various ways that is horrible.

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I think adult SC are totally different from younger SC. For example what do you do when the your kids need things like laptops for school and SC already has one bought by her mother. Things like bikes, ipads, xboxes are all expensive and it's just bonkers to buy everyone a bike when one child needs a new one or to buy multiple items just keep things equal etc....
I remember my step child turning up with a new ipad and of course my daughter wanted one too, what do you do then? How do you make that situation equal?

Usernamenotav · 22/12/2025 11:07

readystdygo · 22/12/2025 09:47

You are appalled that a mother puts more effort into her own biological children then a step child? You need to get out more. I stand by what I said, they are my children, they get more effort FROM ME, as their mother. Their father gives them all equal effort.

He doesn't buy any wrapping paper for any of the kids, equal!.

All the kids presents are wrapped and in fact I wrapped all my DSDs presents and our kids presents this year, if I was that horrid I could of left them to the side and told my OH to do it but I didn't.

In step families fair doesn't always mean equal.

Edited

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So do you actively go to less effort then? Do have have anymore examples other than the wrapping paper nonsense?
What else do you do to make sure your kids are getting extra effort?
Gross

Terfarina · 22/12/2025 11:35

aCatCalledFawkes · 22/12/2025 09:59

I think adult SC are totally different from younger SC. For example what do you do when the your kids need things like laptops for school and SC already has one bought by her mother. Things like bikes, ipads, xboxes are all expensive and it's just bonkers to buy everyone a bike when one child needs a new one or to buy multiple items just keep things equal etc....
I remember my step child turning up with a new ipad and of course my daughter wanted one too, what do you do then? How do you make that situation equal?

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Equitably =/= equally. Their circumstances outside the family are not in your control and their needs will not be the same at all ages.

I was responding to someone else who'd been talking about having adult SC. Mine is 25 but I have been his stepmum since he was 7 so understand both ages. We also have 16 & 22 YOs. They are all really close.