How to tactfully say we dont want to do gifts anymore.

[moanycoo]

Has anyone stopped this silly gifting in their family? I am sick of wasting time and money, stressing and guessing what to buy adults. I am also fed up of receiving crap I dont want or need.
Is there a tactful way to say- No more gifts for the adults in the family?
Isnt it about being together?

Do secret Santa among the adults. Set the limit at whatever you like and just buy for one person. You still might end up with crap but at least you won’t have spent much!

It’s really simple. You just say out loud to the other people that you’re no longer doing it.

Do not say it now! Say it, using your words, clearly and simply next September.

I would probably message individually and say don’t worry about buying you a present this year as you’re cutting down etc.

Although you might be too late to do it this year as they’ve probably already bought for you.

Or if you’re really indirect like me, just don’t buy a present one year and then they get the hint.

Yeah its too late this year.
Every year I say to my husband that it needs to stop. He hates it too. He's scared to say to his mum 'as its the way its always been' ridiculous!

God yes, we need to do this starting next year but for DH's family so he'll have to sort it. I'm fed up with it, it's so unnecessary. He agrees with me but whether he'll speak up and change things is another matter. I've stopped doing the shopping for him, which might encourage him to put a stop to it as he's clueless when it comes to present shopping and really hates it. It's such a waste of money, too.

I've already stopped present giving amongst my family. I want to get to the stage where we're only buying for each other, the DC and their future partners and children. That's more than enough, and quite stressful and expensive enough, too.

My family is particularly stuck on old traditions and stubborn on change. In recent years my sibling suggested Secret Santa for the adults. I thought wouldn’t go down well. I was so wrong. We all surprisingly jumped on board and have done it last few years. We set a limit of up to £20.

We are a family of six siblings. We do not expect presents from each other, but enjoy buying little things, humorous or thoughtful. Nothing expensive, but a token, some lovely food or something for a new home. A new book maybe.

We enjoy it. It is a pleasure to choose something nice for each other. An annual expression of love, when we don't see each other much. And if one person doesn't get around to it one year, it doesn't matter. There is always next year.

For us, it is still fun. That's why we do it.

We all just agreed we would not do it

so from memory we all agreed that we already but what we want, that it’s silly to buy for each other and we stopped

It just kind of evolved here. Once we all had children we agreed to no longer buy for adults. Then agreed to stop buying for children once they reached 18. As a family we don’t buy presents but have a lovely weekend away instead.

Maybe I'm seen as the grinch , but what I did was just tell family and also friends that I wouldn't be gift giving and didn't expect to receive any .

We did it with BIL & SIL a few years ago, when we gave each other almost identical presents at Xmas! At the bottom of my thank you note, I suggested that we ditch all birthday & Xmas presents and, instead, spend the money saved on dinner and a night in a lovely pub or hotel (we live about 100+ miles from them, so don't see them often).
That's what we've done ever since, usually at a quiet time of year like early March, midweek (when there are often good deals to be had). We all much prefer it.

Then you’re just going to have to do it for him.
“Next year we won’t be doing presents, we’ve got everything we could possibly need and it gets so difficult knowing what to buy people. Let’s just get together for food/drinks instead “

It kind of evolved in my case. I said to my sister and brother one day, god I'm fed up shopping for presents, I don't think I can keep this up for much longer, it takes up so much time, what do you think? They jumped on it, agreed, and we haven't bought adult presents for some years now. All happy out.

Within my family we stopped exchanging gifts and it’s such a relief!

I put the word out in October/November about 4 years ago and it was never a problem. I buy gifts for others throughout the year. Just small things I think they’ll like. They do the same to me.

Everyone’s happy and no awful Christmas stress!

So a few years ago, I suggested a family secret Santa. My Mum said Grandparents would never go for it but my Nan was thrilled as she would buy my Grandad’s present anyway. We did it for years with a £30 limit. Now I’ve quietly dropped out. I only buy for daughter, teenage nephew just wants cash and a box of chocs for nursery staff. Easy.

We just said, after one Christmas, that we would no longer be buying for adults. The agreement was if we were together on Christmas day, we would do a secret Santa up to £10.

My sil suggests this every few years and there is a resounding refusal from the rest of the family. But we don't give each other unwanted, unneeded crap- we share lists and stick to them. If people are indeed ignoring what you actually want/need/ have asked for and buying you endless gift sets and books you'll never read and scarves you're allergic to and so on, that must be extremely irritating.

Either way there isn't an easy answer. You either insist you want out and live with the inevitable hurt feelings and annoyance of others, or you continue to take part and feel annoyed yourself. There golden ticket to getting what you want and having others feel the way you want them to feel about it, I'm afraid.

Had the discussion with my DB- we are not doing gifts this year.
Ive also said I’d like to cut down on immediate family gift giving, but that hasn’t gone as well..

We told them we wouldn’t be buying presents anymore as it was getting too expensive. We had kick off from MIL. But you just have to stand strong and follow through.

What I hate is that some still buy for our children despite us not buying for them and then bad mouth us and call us tight. They paint it as they are kind and generous and that we are not. But we can’t afford to buy for everyone so would rather spend our money on things that our children will actually enjoy.

I think if you’re not enjoying the exchanging of gifts, then it’s time to opt out. Personally, I don’t think Christmas should be all about children and enjoy giving and receiving of gifts, though it’s really just among a small handful of family/friends. I did find buying gifts for nieces/nephews difficult and time consuming as there’s quite a lot, so a few years ago, I just said that from now on it will be vouchers/book tokens. It was a huge relief and so much less time consuming. I don’t buy for children of friends.

Maybe this year after exchanging of gifts say that you’re going to opt out of gift giving next year, so please don’t get us anything next year and later in the year, give a reminder. Or ask how everyone would feel if you had an adults only dinner out instead of actual gifts. You could still buy a small gift for parents.

My DDs just decided a couple of years ago that the adults would do secret Santa. We even have an app where you can put links to things you might like! We set a budget and pretty much stick to it. Saves us all around £300 each.

We don’t buy for adults and only buy for nieces and nephews up to the age of 18. We agreed by the time the children are 10 we will just give them money and we agreed on how much. It makes it so much easier!

As a family we decided years ago to only buy for kids…and we’ve stuck to that ever since.