How to tactfully say we dont want to do gifts anymore.

[moanycoo]

Has anyone stopped this silly gifting in their family? I am sick of wasting time and money, stressing and guessing what to buy adults. I am also fed up of receiving crap I dont want or need.
Is there a tactful way to say- No more gifts for the adults in the family?
Isnt it about being together?

We write lists in DH family, then people are given what they actually want/need and no tat. I always put various things on there from £5 and upwards.

What our family has done this year is just all buy ourselves a £100 present and then someone in the family wraps it. That way we get what we want and it’s stress free!

I’m a single pensioner and granny on a very low income and asked my AC not to buy me anything, and I’d just buy for my DGC, or to stick to a low budget of say £10 or £20. They’re high earners, big spenders and love gifting, I’ve received some wonderful presents in the past (Velvetiser, Echo speaker, Ring cameras, personalised photo calendars…), but it’s so embarrassing when I can’t afford to reciprocate. They’ll agree to the low budget but then get me presents from each DGC and even their pets. The AC buy themselves whatever they want through the year, their partners are generous and spoil them, there’s nothing they’d want from my low budget anyway.

My siblings reluctantly agreed we would no longer buy gifts when I pointed out we often don’t even see or speak to each other from one year to the next, though they were both much better than I at choosing thoughtful gifts. There’s a big age gap, we’ve never bought for each others’ children and I’ve never, ever had a friend to exchange presents with. The people I dog-sit for give me a token present and that’s lovely.

I don’t understand how secret Santa works and I’m sure we’re not the kind of family to embrace it.

I would be sorely tempted to tell this friend that my love language is English, so let me express my affection for you by telling you, not buying for you. I have a friend with whom I got into this unwanted gift thing, and I finally suggested to her that we get together in January for a nice lunch rather than buying each other something for Christmas. Happily, she agreed.

I will try and justify and explain and end up causing offence. I am one of life's great overthinkers.

Keep it calm, keep it simple and just say you don't think it is appropriate any longer and you do not wish to send or receive gifts. Unless it is your 95 year old aunt of course in which case I bow to the inevitable xxx

HI everyone, just to let you know that this is the last year that we are doing gifts for everyone. Starting next year it’s just Mums and kids who will get a present.

No explanation needed. That is plenty of notice. If you get texts or comments just smile and grey rock.

Don't even unwrap the gift they give you give, put it away and it back to them next year, they'll soon stop😄

We dont buy for any siblings , and its only kids under 18 now. My DSis tentatively asked a few yrs ago and we ALL happily agreed!
That's for Christmas and birthdays, everyone just gets a card now.

We just buy for elderly MIL in a care home, but stuff she’d ask us to buy for her anyway. This year, a calendar and a photo frame for DC graduation photo. Probably get some Chocs or biscuits too. We agreed with SIL and BIL not to buy for each other but will go out for a meal at the end of January. My parents are dead, don’t see my brother. Nephews get money. Our older DC get money, chocs and toiletries. And that’s it!
Stopped with friends and the work Secret Santa etc a long time ago. Dead easy.

One of my ex SIL had the balls to say it first and I loved it 🤣 we still buy for nieces and nephews, 12 of them and grandparents, I wish we could stop the madness, they all end up with a token £15 present that most likely will end up in lad fill before the next Christmas 😭

🤣 Love it!!!

1992 was the last year I did Christmas presents and Christmas at my parents. I don't like shopping, the time, money and stress (no online then) I got absolute shiite presents in return that had zero thought. That Xmas morning I just said I will not be doing it again. Siblings were relieved and we immediately extended that to not doing the whole birthday thing as well. I told parents I would buy myself an expensive bottle of perfume for myself from them. 1993 I stopped doing Christmas cards and donated to charity instead 😀 I love Christmas, I enjoy it, me and husband have a wonderful time.
Some people love shopping and it's part of the fun and build up to Christmas and then the January sales another thing I won't do. I had a friend who slept in a sleeping bag on the street 2 nights (1989) to get her 3 piece suite in the sale! Bloody brilliant, we still laugh about it.

We started secret Santa a couple of years ago and it's worked out really well.
We have a big family gathering on Boxing Day and everyone is an adult now.
£50 limit and we use Elfstsar to select and if anyone wants to post suggestions they can on the site.
Putting all the thought into one person is great and it's so much better. None of us do tat but really put thought into what the one we've been given would really like.

We’ve stopped gifting to adults… so much better!

Our family was doing a secret santa between me & my husband, my two sisters & their partners & our parents. Each couple had two names to buy for. I was sick of buying something just for the sake of buying. It started to become a stressful activity trying to find a gift. Everyone else was wasting their money buying stuff for us again because it was required not because any of us was seeing something someone would really enjoy but because we had to find something. Last year when the family group message popped up talking about picking names out of a hat I just said to leave us out we weren't doing it thanks. Nobody argued they just went on & picked between themselves. We aren't joining in again this year.

I said it - it went down like a led balloon. I'm didn’t care - all the shopping, wrapping and standing for hours in the post office queue- sending gifts to kids who never even had to manners to say thank you and the absolute shite they all send my kids - broken, wrong size, wrong age, zero thought. I was very much relieved, even if it made me public enemy no 1.
i hate shopping and I’m not very good at buying shi presents - my sense of perfectionism kicks in and I almost torture myself looking for the perfect gift - there is no joy in my heart - just lots of stress and anxiety. It’s a me problem - I fixed it.

We decided this a couple of years ago, it makes life so much simpler. Younger family members only, no gifts for adults, entirely unnecessary. My sister and I discussed it between us and then told everyone.

Straight after Christmas, discuss it. Have a plan. Explain to your MIL this is what's happening and you're warning her in advance. It may have been "this way" but in future, things are changing. You won't be buying presents and anything she buys will be wasted....emphasise the spirit of Christmas is not the gifts but the people/you love her, not her gifts etc. Every time she argues, don't engage, just say things are changing.

Remind them all again in the summer. Remind them again very firmly in September. Don't engage in the Christmas buying round. Don't accept anything given. Stay firm...

It’s a little late to say anything 10 days before Christmas this year….
You could suggest that everyone just spend the money on a gift for themselves, or that you all use the money to have a
day out together somewhere nice … or adopt an endangered animal/buy a desk for a school child in a poor country or buy a Christmas meal for a homeless person…
You could suggest this after gift exchange this year, thanking everyone and saying .. ‘how would everyone feel about doing XYZ instead of gifts next year…. Let’s only buy for the children in the family.

It's a bit late to announce it this year. Let them know it'll be the last year.
We still buy for nieces and nephews plus birthdays, it adds up, I'd love to stop it all pulling money out of the air every December.

Loved all the advice. I have actually had the chance to say to some friends that next year im stopping and they looked relieved! haha.
These posts gave me the courage to suck it up. I've still got tricky Christmas lovers to tell but all in good time 🤣

I’m a Christmas lover but I much prefer buying and recieving fewer presents. It means I get more time to enjoy the time and don’t have to find places for things.