How to tactfully say we dont want to do gifts anymore.

[moanycoo]

Has anyone stopped this silly gifting in their family? I am sick of wasting time and money, stressing and guessing what to buy adults. I am also fed up of receiving crap I dont want or need.
Is there a tactful way to say- No more gifts for the adults in the family?
Isnt it about being together?

Scale it back to just sweets and bottle of wine at most. They will get the message... I once got a pair of size 16 pyjamas from my mil and I'm a size 10 at most. Next year she gave me an old bag from her wardrobe wrapped up. God I don't miss that woman...

I said this to my DM a few years back and absolutely no exaggeration, she has barely spoken to me since. I thought she’d be relieved and delighted but no. She is a v tricky person though.

I have a £10 budget, keep it cheap and cheerful

It doesn't go down well with people who aren't of the same thinking. I took it pretty badly when a friend sent me a text 3 days before Christmas saying not to buy them anything because they didn't know what to buy us - we'd already bought presents for them.

I've worked out in the last 3 years that some friends & family only buy presents til your child's 16th birthday & then that's it - none of you get any - and the child doesn't get a birthday card or present either after 16. As I'm the last in the line to have a child I wasn't aware of the 16 year limit it hit me like a ton of bricks. Instead of saying in conversation at some point that once they're 16 they're off the list (and so are you) they say pathetic things that stop you in your tracks.

So now we just buy for us, for each other and fck everybody else - time to cut the cord & walk away. We're pretty skint so that's how it is now, we've bought for friends & family & gone into debt for it - not anymore.

I stopped all this present stuff, sort of accidentally. A pal had been diagnosed with an illness and so I sent an email to everyone that might be in the frame for giving or receiving presents to/from us explaining we weren’t giving any presents this year. I said that the money we would have used we’d donate to the charity supporting my friend’s condition.
I asked that people didn’t give us any presents that year as we’d feel bad about not reciprocating.
Everyone was great. No Xmas presents that year and it’s just stayed that way.
The relief of not having to deal with all that gift stuff, is huge.

‘Please don’t buy us anything this year, we really don’t want anything and are constantly trying to declutter’. Any normal person will go ‘oh don’t buy for us either then, PHEW!’

We have only adults now, in our family, so we have agreed to buy our own presents 'from' each other. I am buying myself a fake fur coat from Mum and my brother is getting me boots. We still wrap them so everyone gets to unwrap a present but it's the 'giver' who gets surprised by the contents. Daft, but fun.

About 30 years ago my DH and I told all our relatives we were only buying for parents and our DC. We contacted everyone in August, there was no drama and we have never looked back.

I did it this week. Just sent a message. Presents for under 18s only. Job done. This does not include our mum or whatever they choose to do in their own units.

We've mainly stopped doing adults but it took 2 attempts at getting agreement from the family a couple of years apart! It only stopped once all the niblings were adults. We still buy for MIL (only remaining parent) and one of my DBs and his wife as they have no family so wouldn't really get any gifts now parents are deceased.

I don’t get the hurt and annoyed thing either.

We stopped and just sent a message one year (in September) to say - “hi all, just a heads up we are only going to buy for the kids this year. Let’s be honest, Christmas is all about the magic for the kids. Thought we would let you all know now before anyone starts the Xmas shopping. Looking forward to catching up soon xx”

No problem, lots of others responded they would do the same and those that wanted to continue did. :)

I tried for years and constantly got refused. So we did secret santa for a few years. Then this year it was a simple "I'm not taking part this year guys, neither is DH, but feel free to do it without us" There were grumbles but I honestly don't care. I can't afford it and, to be honest, the lists and requests were so specific that it wasn't even gifting anymore - it was expectation. Sorry, that's not the point of Christmas so we gracefully bowed out, despite being called miseries. 😆 Felt horrible at first but now I feel such relief. And I'm now financially less pressured (thank god!!)

My husband and I stopped giving each other presents post covid. We’d rather travel. My siblings also got bored of Christmas presents, it became a chore none of us enjoyed doing anymore plus way too expensive when there’s a good number of us so we opted to do secret Santa couple years ago and never looked back. That’s cut back on unwanted crap and we actually have a list of items to choose from so you we each get something we actually want. Max budget of £50.

In about June next year send everybody the Martin Lewis video about unnecessary Christmas presents and give them a chance to ponder.

If you really can't afford to give presents or really don't want to it's ok to be clear about that.

If you're up for secret Santa / a price limit/ only buying for the kids etc that can be the start of the discussion.

We stopped buying all presents 3 years ago. It got harder to know what to buy, the nephews, nieces etc were getting older. So i rang each family and said we would not be buying any gifts that year and onward. Instead, we pick a local charity every year ( this year it was our local food bank at the church) and we make a donation to the selected charity. So much easier and money goes to where its needed most.

I love buying presents 💛

you can buy me a book, nice toiletries, earings, olive oil… i’m happy and will use all these things!

For years I was buying for around 11 adults at Christmas and it was getting to be a pain.
One of my daughters suggested a secret Santa.
We set a limit of £100 , we used the app “ Drawnames” , you can all suggest a wish list if you want.
Its brilliant ! And from spending around 750 , the bill has dropped to £100 and no trailing round the shops.
We still buy for the children though.

Its obviously too late to have this conversation for this year. Do it in October for next Christmas!

We stopped buying for anyone other than the kids a few years ago. We'd had a bad year financially so said to family that we wouldn't be gifting for adults that year, and didn't want anyone buying for us. On Christmas Day the kids had plenty to open, and the adults all agreed that none of us missed receiving another scarf / candle / box of biscuits etc, so we've not bothered again since.

I can’t imagine what parents some people have. My own are still trying to save us money and will not let us buy them anything as we could use it for us or the kids. Parents being upset over this is so ridiculous.

We did this a couple of years ago. Just all decided we would only buy for the children.

I agree that secret santa is a nice compromise, it's simpler, cheaper and you're still participating in gift giving so not dampening the fun for others.

But if course if you really don't want to do any gifts at all then just say, but I agree that it's best to do it a few months in advance before people have started Xmas shopping.

Agreed with my siblings no presents.
This is the first year DH and I decided we're not buying each other presents. Both sets of parents are dead.

Last year's car vac, wallet and mini fridge are still lying in their boxes unused. DH buys various gadgets, sports items and books for himself throughout the year.
Only buying for DS.

I feel so much less pressure and stress.

Yes I think it’s utterly ridiculous. Thankfully my side of the family only buy kids now. In laws are very precious so it’s a different story with them, every year I get some smelly crap that I give to a charity shop & I get asked for the receipt for their gifts so they can take them back. I’ve tried gift vouchers instead but get told I’m not putting any thought in. Absolutely ridiculous if you ask me.