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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL & SIL not including me on ‘cousins day out’

81 replies

LeftoutDIL · 15/12/2025 20:42

This probably sounds really petty but I’m just sick of MIL & SIL going out their way to not include me.

Mil has just messaged me saying her and SIL are arranging a cousins day out with SILs daughter and my daughter (who is 1) so they can ‘bond’ and basically made it clear that im not invited. AIBU to think it’s rude not to include me as well?!

I’m obviously not expecting to muscle in on their mother and daughter bond but in the context of DD and DN I thought they might have tried to include me. Every time there are family events, MIL & SIL just totally monopolize the little ones, taking endless photos of themselves with them and never including me, or even letting me hold DN!

When DD was 2 weeks old, I went to SIL’a baby shower and MIL & SIL along with the rest of their female relatives spent the whole time taking group photos of themselves with DD and never once asked me as her mother to be in them so I suppose the writing was on the wall that I was merely a vessel in their view.

OP posts:
Phylllis · 15/12/2025 20:43

Oh dear, you have plans that day.

Treylime · 15/12/2025 20:44

Why do they assume they can take your 1 year old out without you?

Cat1504 · 15/12/2025 20:44

Just say no

KilkennyCats · 15/12/2025 20:44

How have they made it plain they’ll be taking your daughter out without you?

Satisfiedkitty · 15/12/2025 20:44

She's your daughter, she stays with you. I wouldn't even entertain it for a second.

KnewYearKnewMe · 15/12/2025 20:45

Jeez - the cheek of them.

hard no from me.

TheAutumnCrow · 15/12/2025 20:45

Eh? Tell them to cop on ffs.

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 15/12/2025 20:46

Treylime · 15/12/2025 20:44

Why do they assume they can take your 1 year old out without you?

Exactly this. Say no.

mindutopia · 15/12/2025 20:47

I think it’s nice that they are making an effort to include your dd in days out. My MIL has literally never taken any of my dc on a day out (nor has SIL) and my eldest is 13!

But if you aren’t happy for her to go on her own, just say so. They don’t frankly sound like people I’d be wanting to spend time with anyway, so I’d be grateful to not have to go.

TheCosyViewer · 15/12/2025 20:47

I wouldn’t be allowing my 1 year old DD to go with them for the day. An hour or two maybe but no longer. Very cheeky for them to think they can just take your DD for a day without either of her parents being there.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 15/12/2025 20:48

Nah, not happening.

DD stays with you and you’re not in a position to facilitate cousins bonding or whatever other shite they call it.

Cadenza12 · 15/12/2025 20:49

Of course they don't get to take your daughter out. It's ridiculous. Stand up for yourself.

Lavender14 · 15/12/2025 20:49

I think it depends on what was said tbh. My mil and fil were desperate to take ds out and have grandparent time with him and were constantly suggesting it as helpful to me. Except I had awful ppa and was not remotely ready to be away from ds and when I eventually did give in I hated every second of it. Obviously now he's bigger and when I went back to work it got easier, but I think sometimes people can push to babysit thinking they're being helpful when actually it's not helpful at all.

So my response would depend on whether they think they're helping give you a break, or whether they are being deliberately exclusive. But ultimately your child is only 1. You're under no obligation to hand them over to anyone on her own.

HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers · 15/12/2025 20:50

Hard no from me. Very presumptuous of them to decide they can take your one-year-old out without you being there.

Alicorn1707 · 15/12/2025 20:52

you are not a cousin, a relative through marriage, at best tbf.

But @LeftoutDIL I agree, there's absolutely no reason why you'd even want your daughter to go.

Apart from the fact that you feel excluded, purposefully, by them, she's a tiny.

FindItHardTozmakeFriends · 15/12/2025 20:54

Aww how nice. They get to play happy families with the blood children without you there. They can pretend you don’t exist.

It’s a big fat NO. She is your DD. Your MIL treats you appallingly and you need to show her that when she treats you disrespectfully there are consequences.

Mine pulled shit like this and in the end she was the one who lost out.

Original poster
LeftoutDIL · 15/12/2025 20:58

The ‘cousins’ aspect is for DD and DN.

Yes ‘at best’ I’m only a relative by marriage but I’ve also been part of their family for 15 years.

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 15/12/2025 20:59

I wouldn't hand over my 1 year old. Different when she's older and she wants to see cousin.

SmileyMoonset · 15/12/2025 20:59

I would politely but firmly decline. That’s incredibly rude and dismissive.

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 15/12/2025 21:01

My dd wouldn’t be going if I wasn’t invited. Ridiculous that they think they can exclude a one year olds mother from a day out and expect her to be fine with it. Do they really not see the issue?

TheCosyViewer · 15/12/2025 21:03

Don’t agree to this. If you do, the next invite will be for a sleepover and you’ll end up agreeing to that too.

Cherrysoup · 15/12/2025 21:04

Dd doesn’t go if you’re not invited. Why do they think you’ll allow them to take her? She’s one, she doesn’t give a fuck about ‘bonding’ with her cousin. What utter bollocks.

Londonrach1 · 15/12/2025 21:04

Your daughter too young to be left in this situation. It be a firm no

JemimaTiggywinkles · 15/12/2025 21:05

I find this so bizarre. MIL, SIL and DN were doing something for the day and asked if your DD would like to join them. Say no if you want, but it seems very strange to me to prevent DD from going. (Assuming she’d enjoy herself and that MIL / SIL can be trusted to look after her properly.)

For transparency - I don’t have kids. I do, however, have two nieces who are cousins and the pair of them will badger any adult in range to take them two of them out for the day together! It’s the most lovely relationship and I’ve even been known to host a (make up fuelled) sleepover for them. So I guess I’m all for encouraging strong relationships between cousins.

Alicorn1707 · 15/12/2025 21:13

LeftoutDIL · 15/12/2025 20:58

The ‘cousins’ aspect is for DD and DN.

Yes ‘at best’ I’m only a relative by marriage but I’ve also been part of their family for 15 years.

@LeftoutDIL it's totally obvious, to all, that they (MiL & SiL) are a pair of numpties

I understand that you may find it somewhat tricky to not "rock the boat" per se, but where is your husband in this dynamic?

You have every right to feel undermined, don't give them any head space though ma lovely.

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