Page 2 | MIL & SIL not including me on ‘cousins day out’

LeftoutDIL · 2025-12-15T20:42:26+00:00

This probably sounds really petty but I’m just sick of MIL & SIL going out their way to not include me. Mil has just messaged me saying her and SIL are arranging a cousins day out with SILs daughter and my daughter (who is 1) so they can ‘bond’ and basically made it clear that im not invited. AIBU to think it’s rude not to include me as well?! I’m obviously not expecting to muscle in on their mother and daughter bond but in the context of DD and DN I thought they might have tried to include me. Every time there are family events, MIL & SIL just totally monopolize the little ones, taking endless photos of themselves with them and never including me, or even letting me hold DN! When DD was 2 weeks old, I went to SIL’a baby shower and MIL & SIL along with the rest of their female relatives spent the whole time taking group photos of themselves with DD and never once asked me as her mother to be in them so I suppose the writing was on the wall that I was merely a vessel in their view.

Alicorn1707 · 15/12/2025 21:17

@JemimaTiggywinkles

"it seems very strange to me to prevent DD from going"

Ordinarily, perhaps, but there is also the backstory of @LeftoutDIL being deliberately excluded on many other occasions.

CypressGrove · 15/12/2025 21:20

That would be a firm no from me.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 15/12/2025 21:26

At a year old that would never be happening if it were my DD.

If they want cousin bonding time then they can wait until you're ready to invite them to pop in for coffee/meet up somewhere or start including you.

JH0404 · 15/12/2025 21:27

Say no!! My MIL and SIL would never consider asking this, sounds like you need to get your ducks in a row with these people. Set boundaries, your DH shouldn’t be letting them walk all over you.

LemaxObsessive · 15/12/2025 21:36

If you and your husband were separated then you’d have no say in where your DD goes on daddy’s time so why is it any different now?

HouseWithASeaView · 15/12/2025 21:39

This sounds bliss! Hand over your DD knowing she is going to be doted on and enjoy a child free day. I would already be forward planning a few years to when your MIL has your DD & DN for sleepovers or your SIL has your DD over. And how lovely for your DD to be able
to build this bond with her cousin

Quitelikeit · 15/12/2025 21:41

I understand why you are hurt and offended. However please take my advice: accept that these people are not overly keen on you but that they love your child and want to nurture her. You haven’t said they are a danger and so you should probably just allow her to go with them.

On there reasons for excluding you - it doesn’t really matter - the fact is they just prefer it if you weren’t there. This doesn’t mean you are dreadful, awful etc it’s just a preference

You are unlikely to change their view now so simply accept it and pay as less headspace to it as possible.

Eenameenadeeka · 15/12/2025 21:46

Yeah that sounds horrible and I'd have no issues telling them that they will not be taking my 1 year old anywhere without me.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 15/12/2025 21:54

Eenameenadeeka · 15/12/2025 21:46

Yeah that sounds horrible and I'd have no issues telling them that they will not be taking my 1 year old anywhere without me.

How long would this rule exist for? Would your child be allowed to go somewhere without you at 3? 5? 15? At some point you have to accept your child is their own person. Letting them build relationships with family seems like quite a safe way of doing that.

Also, the child’s father has a say too. He may want to facilitate a relationship between his mum, sister, niece and daughter.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 15/12/2025 21:56

Also I’d like to point out that the vast majority of people have their 1yo children in nursery or with a childminder. Saying your child can’t go anywhere without you sounds ridiculous tbh.

CypressGrove · 15/12/2025 21:58

LemaxObsessive · 15/12/2025 21:36

If you and your husband were separated then you’d have no say in where your DD goes on daddy’s time so why is it any different now?

What a strange way of looking at things! Do you normally make decisions based on hypothetical situations?

SmileyMoonset · 15/12/2025 21:58

JemimaTiggywinkles · 15/12/2025 21:54

How long would this rule exist for? Would your child be allowed to go somewhere without you at 3? 5? 15? At some point you have to accept your child is their own person. Letting them build relationships with family seems like quite a safe way of doing that.

Also, the child’s father has a say too. He may want to facilitate a relationship between his mum, sister, niece and daughter.

Show quote history

Yes because a mother wanting to keep her baby with her is absolutely the same thing as a 15 yo going out alone.

For goodness sake.

SpryLilacBird · 15/12/2025 22:03

HouseWithASeaView · 15/12/2025 21:39

This sounds bliss! Hand over your DD knowing she is going to be doted on and enjoy a child free day. I would already be forward planning a few years to when your MIL has your DD & DN for sleepovers or your SIL has your DD over. And how lovely for your DD to be able
to build this bond with her cousin

This! Send her off happily and enjoy having a day for you. Meet friends for lunch, spa day, go to the cinema, date day with your DH...

Vaxtable · 15/12/2025 22:04

I would just say yes great, thanks for inviting us both what time and where, and I would go

if they say sorry just add the answers a firm no

Anonanonanonagain · 15/12/2025 22:05

Bollix to the pair of them. You are busy that day AND you have made a decison for your child going forward no social media pics as I assume all the pics go on there. Keep being busy. Eventually they will cop on and include you or fuck off and stop asking. Pair of twats.

ExperiencedContractor · 15/12/2025 22:06

Why are you so passive about this I wonder, why don’t you ever speak up for yourself?
At the baby shower when they were taking photos of your daughter with them, why didn’t you say “let’s have one with all of us together”?
When MIL invited your daughter to join her for a “cousin’s day”, why haven’t you said something like “let’s make it an aunties and nieces day and we can all go”?
And so on…

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/12/2025 22:07

i would tell them your busy.

5128gap · 15/12/2025 22:08

What does your DH think of the way they treat you? Because if my family were treating my partner this way, I'd be telling them in no uncertain terms it wasn't on. I wouldn't expect him to deal with my folks bad behaviour towards him himself, as they're my folks. Basically, your DH should be having a word.

Izzywizzy85 · 15/12/2025 22:08

Play dumb, act as thought you’re invited. “Ahh how lovely, I can’t wait! Really looking forward to seeing DD and DN together. What time should I be ready?”
Point out the absurdity of it all. If they say you’re not invited, tell them you’re really upset and that DD won’t be coming either.

ChristmasHug · 15/12/2025 22:09

Does MIL often look after dd without you?

If so she's saying it'll be nice for dd to see her cousin for a day out, it's of no consequence to you who else is there if you'd have happily let dd go to mil on this day and do the activity..

Obviously if you wouldn't usually let mil take dd then it's rude she wasn't asking.

I can't see why you'd want to go?

Gymnopedie · 15/12/2025 22:10

Think about the baby. She's one. How happy is she going to be, away from her mum for a day with people she may not know that well?
She might be OK for half an hour but not a day. The MIL and SIL aren't doing this for your DD, they're doing it for the niece and for themselves.

Regardless of how they see you OP it's a hard no for your daughter's sake.

cupfinalchaos · 15/12/2025 22:10

This is beyond rude and beyond comprehension. I wouldn’t even answer, just make other plans for you and dd that day.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 15/12/2025 22:12

What? They want to take your kid and not you? Just say sorry no. Don’t give excuses. Don’t justify. Just no.

StilldontknowwhatIwaswaitingfor · 15/12/2025 22:13

JemimaTiggywinkles · 15/12/2025 21:54

How long would this rule exist for? Would your child be allowed to go somewhere without you at 3? 5? 15? At some point you have to accept your child is their own person. Letting them build relationships with family seems like quite a safe way of doing that.

Also, the child’s father has a say too. He may want to facilitate a relationship between his mum, sister, niece and daughter.

Show quote history

Then he can accept that it's just rude and unkind to invite a baby on a family outing but not invite her mother.

Just ask flat out 'Am I invited?' If they fluff around or say 'we thought we'd be fine to take her, give you a break' then you say 'No, for family outings it's both or none. So it's none, I guess'.

Eenameenadeeka · 15/12/2025 22:14

JemimaTiggywinkles · 15/12/2025 21:54

How long would this rule exist for? Would your child be allowed to go somewhere without you at 3? 5? 15? At some point you have to accept your child is their own person. Letting them build relationships with family seems like quite a safe way of doing that.

Also, the child’s father has a say too. He may want to facilitate a relationship between his mum, sister, niece and daughter.

Show quote history

There's a difference between children building healthy relationships with family, and extended family who don't treat the OP with basic respect as the mother of a child who is still a baby.