MIL & SIL not including me on ‘cousins day out’

[LeftoutDIL]

This probably sounds really petty but I’m just sick of MIL & SIL going out their way to not include me.

Mil has just messaged me saying her and SIL are arranging a cousins day out with SILs daughter and my daughter (who is 1) so they can ‘bond’ and basically made it clear that im not invited. AIBU to think it’s rude not to include me as well?!

I’m obviously not expecting to muscle in on their mother and daughter bond but in the context of DD and DN I thought they might have tried to include me. Every time there are family events, MIL & SIL just totally monopolize the little ones, taking endless photos of themselves with them and never including me, or even letting me hold DN!

When DD was 2 weeks old, I went to SIL’a baby shower and MIL & SIL along with the rest of their female relatives spent the whole time taking group photos of themselves with DD and never once asked me as her mother to be in them so I suppose the writing was on the wall that I was merely a vessel in their view.

Can you just be really awkward and say “yes we’d love to come, thanks for inviting us” and play dumb at any hints that you’re not invited?

its easy "No that is not happening" Rinse and repeat.

Your dd isn't an accessorie ..be a nope not happening.

I’d just reply with a laughing face emoji.

Definitely YANBU. It also sounds like they informed you they were organising this, rather than asking? It doesn't sound like their motive was to offer you a break.

It sounds like it is for their benefit, not the babies - they are babies for goodness sake! Are they going to bond over a glass of wine or something?!
There will be plenty of time for them to bond as cousins, and they can certainly do so in your presence.

They see your DD as their son's/brother's child and therefore entitled to bypass you. I appreciate there might not be the right chemistry between you as adults to be best buddies, but basic respect and including you in a few photos is not exactly asking much.

Would be a definite no from me.

Just say no. Your DD isn’t a prop to their lives.

So the message literally said ‘We want to take your one year old baby out for the day without you’?

Err, no.

If they are rude and mean, she doesn't have to accept anything.

Also why would you entrust a tiny child with such horrible people?

I always had the attitude if you can’t treat me as the mum with respect then you don’t get to see DC.

Of course your one year old isn't going to go on this day out without you. How much bonding can a one-year old do fgs?

Your MIL and SIL sound horrific and you need to start saying no. You and your baby come as a pair. They don't get to ditch you and have a relationship with your baby.

OP's DD is 1. How much will she understand what's going on and how much will she actually enjoy the day without her mum? Strong relationships between cousins are normally facilitated by the parents of the children. They can't just exclude OP and expect her to hand over her baby.

OP's MIL and SIL sound like a pair of twatty mean girls.

This

This rule should exist until MIL and SIL treat OP like a member of the family, rather than just a vessel for birthing a child that they expect her to hand over to them. They sound like a pair of total cunts.

Do they have any idea you don’t like her taking DD?

I would have been ecstatic if my MiL wanted to have a day with her DD and her DGC. I’m not suggesting that you should be ecstatic about it because I was, just pointing out that it’s not necessarily seeing you as a vessel. They probably just want a fun day together, love the kids and assume you’d like child free time.

If you don’t want them to have your DD, then say so. But I think it’s odd you seem to be jealous of their bond when they’re a mother and daughter.

Say no. Problem solved.

À 1 year old doesn’t need cousin bonding. It’s a ridiculous idea

They sound irritating. However, does it suit you to have a morning free from your child? That’s how I would look at it.

Nobody takes my 1yo out without me, and I have 3 so that’s not a precious first born view. My youngest is 3 and I wouldn’t do this! I’d reply that’s a lovely idea, unfortunately we are busy that day, we’ll have to arrange it for another time X

I dont see why I would support family relationships with people who don’t think much of me? Especially when dc are that little. If they love dd that much they should do a much better job of sucking it the fuck up and being nicer to their daughter in law/ sister in law. If they can’t be arsed, too bad no dd.

She's one. There's nowhere she'd rather be than with her mum.

My point was that they may not realise OP is unhappy and there’s no indication they think poorly of OP. A grandmother enjoying time with her DD and taking photos of her DC and DGC when they are with them just sounds like pretty normal grandparent behaviour. OP wants something more from them than they’re giving, but they don’t sound malicious, just very close to each other and a bit oblivious.

Hard agree with this, but I’m one of those lax mothers who never had an issue with leaving my children 😂
Your DD will have a lovely day, and you get a rest and time to yourself

What did MIL actually say?

Just say sorry you are busy.

I'd get maybe a 5 or 6 year old, its nice to have a day out with your cousins without your parents but a 1 year old id very different.

If it was just grandma offering to take out DD that might be different, but she and SIL are purposely excluding OP. SIL is allowed to attend with her child, it's just OP that is not invited. Surely, if SIL is going along too they should offer the invite to OP as well, or give her the option to have a child free day, not just blatantly disregard her. Same with photos. OP has been in the family years