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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pet name? Possible emotional abuse?

101 replies

sellthebigissue · 14/12/2025 21:48

Not changing name as in my previous post, I was made aware I may be in an abusive relationship.

To cut things short, things havent been right since my previous post and ive been dealing with alot of shit from him.

This morning, my eldest daughter and I were chatting. Shes 17 and her dad lives in NI. I said to her "I can ask dad to send me the money and ill send it to you". Referring to her dad sending me the momey and ill send it to my daughter.

My partner has said that by calling him Dad, to my daughter, that im using a pet name and that i still love him. We havent been together for 14 years. He left and hasnt returned. Ive been barraged with messages body shaming me (again) telling me im disrespectful, saying hes just telling me the truth about my body, that im fucking out of order etc etc and my simple question is, did I use a pet name?

Im so confused. I have autism and I genuinely dont know if ive done wrong here.

OP posts:
Applewater · 14/12/2025 21:50

how can Dad be a pet name if he’s her dad? Im also confused

Pixilicious1 · 14/12/2025 21:50

Hopefully he won’t return. He sounds vile. Run for the hills.

GeishaTrumpet · 14/12/2025 21:51

He’s her Dad, you used the term Dad so of course it’s not a pet name for him. Leave OP it’ll be the best and kindest thing to do for yourself.

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/12/2025 21:51

Take the opportunity of him being out of the house to get the locks changed.

He'll be accusing you of cheating on him with your father/brother/random man in the street next.

You can do MUCH better.

kittywittyandpretty · 14/12/2025 21:52

Block him, have a lovely peaceful Christmas

DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/12/2025 21:52

You've done nothing wrong.

Dad is not a pet name. It's a factual statement, your ex is your daughter's father.

I hope you are able to end your current relationship.

Swiftie1878 · 14/12/2025 21:53

You need to get away from this man. Now.

CharlieEffie · 14/12/2025 21:54

He sounds like an absolute tool

Gardener82 · 14/12/2025 21:54

No it’s not a pet name, you’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t let him back in he sounds awful.

Arlanymor · 14/12/2025 21:54

DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/12/2025 21:52

You've done nothing wrong.

Dad is not a pet name. It's a factual statement, your ex is your daughter's father.

I hope you are able to end your current relationship.

This with bells on. Your partner sounds like an abusive arsehole. Please get away from him and start the new year without such a disgusting person in your life.

RonaldMcDonaldTrump · 14/12/2025 21:54

God, these unhinged men. Tell him to kick rocks

vanillalattes · 14/12/2025 21:55

Please leave this man.

Songandance · 14/12/2025 21:56

I always refer to my kids dad (my ex) as Dad as in ‘have you got any plans with Dad this weekend’ etc.

Your partner is twisting things. He’s not a good man.

XmasUterus · 14/12/2025 21:57

Absolutely nothing wrong. Dad is what your daughter calls him so that’s what you called him when addressing DD. I haven’t read your other posts but this is a big red flag. I’m sorry.

P00kyW00ky · 14/12/2025 21:59

Tell him to fuck off and don't come back. What a prick.

soontobeamama · 14/12/2025 21:59

He’s left and has done you a favour - make sure you don’t let him back now.

Sarkykitty · 14/12/2025 22:00

Get out of the abusive relationship now while you still can, it won’t get any better only worse if you don’t end it now. Also what were you supposed to call your daughter’s dad other than referring to him as dad?! He’s completely unhinged by the sounds of it! He’s become angry about you mentioning him and I’m sure if you called him by any other name he would Still be acting this way. I feel it’s not about the ‘pet name’ it’s about control and seeing how far he can push you and grind you down. attacking your appearance is classic abuse tactics!

Pearlstillsinging · 14/12/2025 22:03

The man's a fool! Of course it's not a pet name for DD's Dad, it's what she calls him. You are in an abusive relationship and need to leave it.

Notfeelinguptoit · 14/12/2025 22:04

sellthebigissue · 14/12/2025 21:48

Not changing name as in my previous post, I was made aware I may be in an abusive relationship.

To cut things short, things havent been right since my previous post and ive been dealing with alot of shit from him.

This morning, my eldest daughter and I were chatting. Shes 17 and her dad lives in NI. I said to her "I can ask dad to send me the money and ill send it to you". Referring to her dad sending me the momey and ill send it to my daughter.

My partner has said that by calling him Dad, to my daughter, that im using a pet name and that i still love him. We havent been together for 14 years. He left and hasnt returned. Ive been barraged with messages body shaming me (again) telling me im disrespectful, saying hes just telling me the truth about my body, that im fucking out of order etc etc and my simple question is, did I use a pet name?

Im so confused. I have autism and I genuinely dont know if ive done wrong here.

You 100% have done nothing wrong! Nothing!
Horrible, insecure, sad little man he is! Your ex is your daughter’s dad it’s fact!
Does/did he call his own dad dad!
We all call our dads dad - so we’re all using some sort of pet name.
Honestly get out and away you don’t need this hassle, he sounds unhinged.
You can do so much better.

Itiswhysofew · 14/12/2025 22:06

Are you going to end your relationship with him? He's abusive and really not a good person. You'll have a life of misery if you don't get away. Your household must feel very stressful Flowers

Original poster
sellthebigissue · 14/12/2025 22:08

I wish I could show the messages hes sent me, i dont know how to upload them. I have no idea what ive done wrong but by the sounds of these replies, ive done nothing. All I said was "ill ask dad to send me the money". That is it. Ive said sorry if it upset him but hes saying im not actually sorry and that I dont respect him

OP posts:
Original poster
sellthebigissue · 14/12/2025 22:09

Itiswhysofew · 14/12/2025 22:06

Are you going to end your relationship with him? He's abusive and really not a good person. You'll have a life of misery if you don't get away. Your household must feel very stressful Flowers

I feel as though i am treading on eggshells alot at the moment and especially since my last post.

OP posts:
Original poster
sellthebigissue · 14/12/2025 22:10

Notfeelinguptoit · 14/12/2025 22:04

You 100% have done nothing wrong! Nothing!
Horrible, insecure, sad little man he is! Your ex is your daughter’s dad it’s fact!
Does/did he call his own dad dad!
We all call our dads dad - so we’re all using some sort of pet name.
Honestly get out and away you don’t need this hassle, he sounds unhinged.
You can do so much better.

Show quote history

Hes saying that because my grammar was wrong that I used a pet name by default and that I should have said "I will ask your dad" and not "ill ask dad". By missing out the 'your' hes saying ive used a pet name.

OP posts:
Original poster
sellthebigissue · 14/12/2025 22:11

Now hes saying i dont want to be a good partner to him. Im so fuckingn confused.

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 14/12/2025 22:12

Why do you need to be involved? Why can't he send the money directly to her if she's 17?

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