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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think ADHD/ASD labels get used too casually sometimes?

140 replies

CuriousNotCruel · 14/12/2025 14:34

NOT talking about people with genuine diagnoses. But AIBU to think some people casually label basic personality traits - introversion, distractibility, perfectionism, as ADHD/ASD online? It feels dismissive to people with the real conditions.

OP posts:
Whatafustercluck · 15/12/2025 12:07

OhDear111 · 15/12/2025 11:55

ADHD is probably over diagnosed. Different styles of parenting are known to make a difference. When I was at school no child threw furniture or was repeatedly badly behaved. Yes boys had the odd scrap but nothing serious and I’d like to know what’s changed in children?

The children haven't changed. The education system has.

curliegirlie · 15/12/2025 12:09

I do wonder whether though it’s more of a spectrum than a binary thing, and if so, that’s an important thing to recognise, so that people who feel they have some autistic or ADHD traits can more easily find methods to help them get along. In a way, for those scenarios, formal diagnosis is irrelevant, as it’s more about people finding coping mechanisms for things they find difficult, regardless of why that may be. That can only be positive, can’t it?

I don’t deny though, those experiences are completely different to those with severe diagnoses who really do struggle to fit into education, employment and lead a normal life without substantial support, and they shouldn’t all be lumped in the same category, as the differences in challenges are obviously immense, and I think all the noise around neurodiversity also don’t think think that all those FB reels and Tik Tok videos about “things that people with ADHD do” etc are remotely helpful, as they encourage people to self diagnose without necessarily pointing them to coping mechanisms and tools which might actually help them, rather than just setting people up to pigeonhole themselves.

The other issue is of course that the debates around SEND reform, disability benefits and PIP tend to focus on the explosion of recent autism and ADHD diagnoses, which certain commentators love to dismiss the very real impact they can have on learning and people’s employment prospects, and use them as a kind of “Aunt Sally” to argue that money and support isn’t needed for people with disabilities, because I guess that neurodiversity is seen as a lot easier to shoot down than physical or learning disabilities.

But given all that, I don’t see that increased recognition of neurodiversity should be anything but positive….in an ideal world perhaps, anyway.

Whatafustercluck · 15/12/2025 12:22

ThatOpenTraybake · 15/12/2025 09:23

There is a difference between the concept of whether ADHD or ASC are overdiagnosed or not, and the fact that there are many, many misdiagnoses happening.

Dr Mario's Adamou who set up one of the 1st adult ADHD clinics in the UK for a start.

He sits on the board of the adult ADHD network and he among other ADHD experts led to the Panorama expose in 2023.

Who said at the time that 50% of the private diagnoses who came to his NHS clinic would not be diagnosed by the NHS and the assessments were often not worth the paper they were written on.

Dr Mike Smith, clinical lead of the Adult ADHD service in Leeds who featured on the Panorama programme who said the same thing.

There are many others. Who have been stating this for years.

Dr Allen Frances who chaired the body which led to the widening of diagnostic criteria for ASC in the DSM has publicly expressed regret for doing so and personally feels the condition is now overdiagnosed.

Statistics may say that a condition is not overdiagnosed at a population level but that is not the same thing as there not not being a crisis of misdiagnosis.

Diagnostic overshadowing is real, I agree, but autistic girls in particular are more likely to be incorrectly diagnosed with anxiety and eating disorders than with autism. Around 80% of autistic girls remain undiagnosed at the age of 18 - which is unfortunately often to late to have prevented multiple episodes of mental ill health, including attempted suicide and self harm. Why aren't we talking enough about gender bias in neurodivergent conditions, and are instead fixated with 'overdiagnosis'?

And for the record, I agree that there are 'degrees' of autism - from those who are profoundly disabled on a daily and life long basis, to those who appear 'high functioning' (for want of a better term) until they are no longer functioning at all. My 9yo dd (currently not able to leave the house, not attending school) falls into the second category. Her condition is currently extremely debilitating, but we know that with the correct care, her reaction to the anxiety the autism causes will improve. She will likely experience recurrence, but she will have long periods of functioning in between. She currently remains undiagnosed, despite having been 'in the system' since she was 4/ 5, and all the professionals she has seen so far agreeing that she's very, very likely to be assessed as ND.

R1nt1nt1n · 15/12/2025 13:31

OhDear111 · 15/12/2025 11:55

ADHD is probably over diagnosed. Different styles of parenting are known to make a difference. When I was at school no child threw furniture or was repeatedly badly behaved. Yes boys had the odd scrap but nothing serious and I’d like to know what’s changed in children?

It isn’t it’s underdiagnosed as stated by the NHS task force investigation into ADHD.

seasid · 15/12/2025 13:37

I have a child who has severe autism and adhd so I know the real effect of how it impacts an individual in day to day life. I know someone who has a badly behaved child (as a result of her parenting) and everytime the girl does something naughty - she says ‘oh it’s because of her autism’. To be clear, she has never taken her child to the GP for a diagnosis or mentioned it to a medical professional, she’s self diagnosed her daughter and blames all her bad behaviour on ‘needs’. It’s disgusting and is why genuine people and children who ‘suffer’ don’t get taken seriously because people use it as a tool to justify their own actions

TigerRag · 15/12/2025 14:06

OhDear111 · 15/12/2025 11:55

ADHD is probably over diagnosed. Different styles of parenting are known to make a difference. When I was at school no child threw furniture or was repeatedly badly behaved. Yes boys had the odd scrap but nothing serious and I’d like to know what’s changed in children?

The children you never saw because they were in special schools

x2boys · 15/12/2025 14:08

TigerRag · 15/12/2025 14:06

The children you never saw because they were in special schools

That or they had been excluded .

OhDear111 · 15/12/2025 14:47

@TigerRag We had “MLD” special schools but dc had to be educationally well below average to get a place. EBD schools were not around when I was at school. For a fairly good reason - not needed by many. Don’t know of a single dc excluded at primary. The only issues were dc with very low IQ and they went to the special schools. Dc did have extra reading lessons at school but everyone behaved. Most people my age would tell you that too.

When I worked in education and became a governor, it was still fairly rare to have a violent child in a school. I was responsible for placing dc in a new school after a permanent exclusion. It wasn’t frequent. It was non existent at primary but we had far better sen services for schools and a pru for those in danger of PE. We had some school refusers and other issues but not the level of violence reported now. Children do seem to have something going very wrong.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 15/12/2025 14:56

Bonden · 14/12/2025 19:55

Dear god. The man may be a bullshitter - or not. You have no idea what it costs him to mask and present like that. What goes on in behind closed doors. I have a late diagnosis of adhd, a successful business behind me, two lovely adult children and a bunch of friends. The actual shitshow that has been my life is not overly visible on the surface. You would doubtless consider me “normal”. You’d be so, so fucking wrong.

Completely agree. There is so much presumption and ignorance. If you see someone through one lens at one point in their life, you don't have anything approaching the authority to diagnose or undiagnose someone.

There have been points in my life where, from the outside, I would have seemed to have it all together. I really, really, really didn't. It's so offensive to assume you know the ins and outs of a person's life and challenges.

Gherkintastic · 15/12/2025 15:10

hazelnutvanillalatte · 15/12/2025 14:56

Completely agree. There is so much presumption and ignorance. If you see someone through one lens at one point in their life, you don't have anything approaching the authority to diagnose or undiagnose someone.

There have been points in my life where, from the outside, I would have seemed to have it all together. I really, really, really didn't. It's so offensive to assume you know the ins and outs of a person's life and challenges.

So much projection going on here! I'm not talking about someone I have only known at one point in my life, I have known him since he was a child. I can't undiagnose him, he doesn't have a diagnosis. My point was if someone has got through to their 50's in a successful busy work environment, with great communication skills and a very busy life with no notable mental health concerns, how can they have the social communication disorder autism? Autism, if he does have it, then has been stretched in meaning well in to the realm of people with far fewer difficulties than your average person. If that's the case we probably need new definitions for people who struggle with social communication etc.

Personally I found learning about autism because of my daughter really helped me make sense of a lot my my difficulties, but just because like many people I have autistic traits, it doesn't mean I have autism.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 15/12/2025 15:23

Gherkintastic · 15/12/2025 15:10

So much projection going on here! I'm not talking about someone I have only known at one point in my life, I have known him since he was a child. I can't undiagnose him, he doesn't have a diagnosis. My point was if someone has got through to their 50's in a successful busy work environment, with great communication skills and a very busy life with no notable mental health concerns, how can they have the social communication disorder autism? Autism, if he does have it, then has been stretched in meaning well in to the realm of people with far fewer difficulties than your average person. If that's the case we probably need new definitions for people who struggle with social communication etc.

Personally I found learning about autism because of my daughter really helped me make sense of a lot my my difficulties, but just because like many people I have autistic traits, it doesn't mean I have autism.

It's not projection...at all...it's an example based on personal experience.

There are more presentations of autism than the specific ones that you are familiar with and seem to be basing your opinions on. I have several relatives with autism and one of them is a public speaker who is married and has a very social job. He still has autism.

Gherkintastic · 15/12/2025 15:31

And I'm saying if anyone how ever unaffected by it and however few autistic traits they have can be autistic, then, in my opinion, there needs to a new word or diagnosis for people with social communication difficulties, sensory difficulties, etc.

TigerRag · 15/12/2025 15:37

Gherkintastic · 15/12/2025 15:31

And I'm saying if anyone how ever unaffected by it and however few autistic traits they have can be autistic, then, in my opinion, there needs to a new word or diagnosis for people with social communication difficulties, sensory difficulties, etc.

Edited

If you just have sensory difficulties it would be sensory processing disorder

XWKD · 15/12/2025 15:47

I think it's a bit ridiculous. People often ask me if I'm ND because of my personality type. I think it can trivialise the struggles of people who are ND.

BlueandWhitePorcelain · 15/12/2025 21:24

OhDear111 · 15/12/2025 11:55

ADHD is probably over diagnosed. Different styles of parenting are known to make a difference. When I was at school no child threw furniture or was repeatedly badly behaved. Yes boys had the odd scrap but nothing serious and I’d like to know what’s changed in children?

Children haven’t changed imo. Some were hidden, because the system considered before 1970 that some children could not be educated. Disabled children had NO right to an education.

DH clearly has hyperactive ADHD - he was born late 50s in a typical working class family with no money, and went to a primary school with 11 children.

DD2 is diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type, and was a young child, before computers and mobile phones were at all common. She grew up in a middle class family.

DGD has ADHD combined hyperactive and inattentive. She’s only had very limited exposure to screens.

The parenting styles of PILs, us and DS are all quite different; and the children all presented differently with ADHD. The answer must be heritability!

Children haven’t changed, but the education system has got more rigid; which is worse for some children:

www.specialneedsjungle.com/not-compliance-issue-design-failure-psychologists-action-mental-health-harmful-school-policies/

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