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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think ADHD/ASD labels get used too casually sometimes?

140 replies

CuriousNotCruel · 14/12/2025 14:34

NOT talking about people with genuine diagnoses. But AIBU to think some people casually label basic personality traits - introversion, distractibility, perfectionism, as ADHD/ASD online? It feels dismissive to people with the real conditions.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 20:56

Nobody had ADHD in the 70s ... everybody went to school, got a job ... what has happened to change this in such a short space if time?

sharkstale · 14/12/2025 20:58

smalldogdancing · 14/12/2025 18:54

@sharkstale interested to hear more about this. I’m on a waiting list for assessment but also had a troubled childhood and wonder if it could just be that. How do they tell the difference?

Tbh, they didn't go into detail or give a full explanation, just said that I don't have the traits they'd look for to be able to give a diagnosis. During the assessment, they were more interested in my childhood (primary school age) than how I am as an adult, and it became very apparent that, as a child, I was able to focus. I enjoyed completing class projects and was an avid reader. The psychologist implied that I wouldn't have been able to focus on reading a book if I had ADHD. They decided I don't have it, and put my symptoms/traits down to past trauma and stress in my current life.

R1nt1nt1n · 14/12/2025 20:59

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 20:56

Nobody had ADHD in the 70s ... everybody went to school, got a job ... what has happened to change this in such a short space if time?

We now understand how both present differently in woman and girls. I was at school in the 70s, I have adhd and autism and always did.

Gherkintastic · 14/12/2025 20:59

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 20:56

Nobody had ADHD in the 70s ... everybody went to school, got a job ... what has happened to change this in such a short space if time?

This isn't true, there were very high levels of unemployment in the 70's. ADHD would have existed, but just have been conceived of in a different way.

Vodka1 · 14/12/2025 21:00

I was diagnosed OCD and ADHD and ODD when I was 7, 9, & 11. Each one in that order.

Living with OCD my whole life (and not the cute clean type, i am infact super messy) my OCD revolves around food, and things not being clean - my own house is fine, even though its messy. I've never been able to drink from a mug! How fun. I hate the 'little bit ocd' term that is always thrown around.

If that blanket not being straight isn't making you count to 7 repeatedly in your head or making you want to pinch your skin off or some other daft shit, then kindly, shut up.

However, ADHD - yes I believe it's way more common now, I was diagnosed very young when it wasn't really given to girls. I've been on and off medication my whole life and I've always hidden and masked. It's nice to know that so many other people have it, it makes me feel more normal. I'm more aware of it now than ever whilst it's always just been 'me' I think it's helped alot of my friends and family to understand me alot more too as it's so out there.

So them sharing how it affects them is actually kind of peaceful to my brain.

It's always been something I never really felt I could explain. It's just who I am.

I do however if I ever share my diagnosis with a friend, feel the need to point out it's not a new diagnosis, I didn't chase it. Because I do worry people take a very serious mental health condition and deem it as part of a current fad.

Alisonica · 14/12/2025 21:02

I work with many young uni students with ADHD and autism. I don't ask whether it is a formal diagnosis or not. I ask what they need to be able to succeed in their studies. I think it is not so much about labels but about what they need. If a student tells me background noise really bothers them, I am fine with them wearing earplugs in class. I don't know if it is autism or a personality trait within the "normal" range and I don't think it matters as much as people think it does. Normal is a big, big spectrum. So is neurodiverse.

However, my DS's youngest is nonverbal autistic and has severe limitations that have changed the course of our family's life. I sometimes worry that people online in the "superpowers" and "neurospicy" brigade don't want to be reminded that autism can also be like that because it isn't TikTokable content.

whatsnewpussycat34 · 14/12/2025 21:03

FuzzyWolf · 14/12/2025 15:23

It’s the same as people with OCD.

I have diagnosed and medicated OCD and it really pisses me off when people who like their tins in a certain order say the have OCD. Looking at you khloe kardashian.

It’s a debilitating, cruel disease that robs people of their lives.

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 14/12/2025 21:05

PigeonsandSquirrels · 14/12/2025 20:42

Don’t you think this is judging neurodivergent people though? The whole point is that they often don’t behave according to expected social norms as they don’t understand social rules as neurotypical people do to a greater or lesser extent… you’re expecting them to conform to an expectation (referring to themselves only through a diagnosis and not through a term that may help them feel connected or less othered).

I'm not expecting anyone to do anything.

My own personal experience is that the people who use these terms are quite attention seeking. I put them in the same category as people who say things like "I'm mad, me". It's also my personal experience that people who say "neurospicy" or variations of it are usually undiagnosed and have probably done an online test.

ND people can also be attention seeking. And attention seekers can claim neurodivergence.

3 of my dc are ND, I've had a fair bit of experience over the last 20 years.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/12/2025 21:05

@BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys

She will get better though!

Mine was like this for 18 months. Shes at university now.

Best of luck 💐

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 14/12/2025 21:08

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/12/2025 21:05

@BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys

She will get better though!

Mine was like this for 18 months. Shes at university now.

Best of luck 💐

Thank you, my ds, who is also autistic is in his second year of uni now, that was after being home schooled for 5 years.

I know it gets worse before it gets better, just have to get through this 'worse' bit first.

I'll bet you're so proud of your dd, and you should be damned proud of yourself too 💐

x2boys · 14/12/2025 21:10

Alisonica · 14/12/2025 21:02

I work with many young uni students with ADHD and autism. I don't ask whether it is a formal diagnosis or not. I ask what they need to be able to succeed in their studies. I think it is not so much about labels but about what they need. If a student tells me background noise really bothers them, I am fine with them wearing earplugs in class. I don't know if it is autism or a personality trait within the "normal" range and I don't think it matters as much as people think it does. Normal is a big, big spectrum. So is neurodiverse.

However, my DS's youngest is nonverbal autistic and has severe limitations that have changed the course of our family's life. I sometimes worry that people online in the "superpowers" and "neurospicy" brigade don't want to be reminded that autism can also be like that because it isn't TikTokable content.

My son is the same but there is a separate and growing profound autism community
There is a really good American Facebook group im part of who really get it.

FellowSuffereroftheAbsurd · 14/12/2025 21:16

Sure, some people are quick to pathologize any behaviour. Culture in general has moved more towards that over the last few decades. Some are quick to do it others, others do it to themselves. I've noticed some people around my younger teenagers ages (14 &16) seem to think any strong emotion means you need to see a therapist.

That said, much of what I'm reading, I've been hearing for over 20 years, back when my oldest was denied being put forward for assessment because, in the paediatrician's words 'everyone thinks their kid is autistic these days' and she put in writing that my DS1 (age 6 at the time) communication difficulties and DD1's (age 4) 'odd cadence to her voice' was entirely because I have a foreign accent. Everything else about them was dismissed, it was all my fault.

Funnily, when my DD1 finally had her assessment at 17, after being put forward by her secondary SENCO after repeated meltdowns at school, the sing-song cadence of her voice was included in the write-up as one of the several indicators the clinician viewed as significant enough to say she meets the criteria for ASD. DD found it funny, I had a lot of other feelings.

So yeah, some people apply labels too quickly, and I find it frustrating when it's mainly jumped on to explain negative behaviours; however, I'd rather people were open to the possibility rather other people be dismissed the way my kids were. They could have gotten help so much sooner if we hadn't hit the wall of the people who assumed we're jumping on a bandwagon.

As for neurospicy, I think my DD has it - we already have neurodivergent as an umbrella term, neurospicy is playful language that isn't always appropriate. It's one thing when people she knows who are at a similar place where she is now use it for themselves as a playful thing - we don't need to be serious about our conditions all the time (I refer to having a hypotensive episode as my limb(s) being switched off so she's used to playful disability language) - but if anyone had used that on her when she was a kid and still having high support needs she'd have felt belittled, and it would be very disrespectful to use as a general term towards everyone who is neurodivergent, particularly in her eyes if they were including some of the kids she's worked with with who have very high support needs.

I do think it's disrespectful to those who can't function without a lot of support to be lumped together with those who've essentially jumped onto a bandwagon but who are perfectly capable of coping with the real world.

There has been discussion for some time of the pros and cons of having brought conditions together under the ASD umbrella and on considerations to divide out again based on areas of difficulties and/or severity. I see the appeal of having clearer lines or better ways to discuss ASD on its own compared to ASD with some common comorbidities that significantly increase support needs, but also the benefits in recognizing that disabilities in the real world are rarely that neat and for many, support needs fluctuate over time and with environment.

Both my DS1 and DD1 have previously needed high to very high levels of support, but once out of secondary, able to be in environments of their choice that they could develop their own coping strategies (like the scripting PP mentioned), their support needs dropped. DD1 went from having autistic meltdowns regularly to not having one since she left secondary school - close sometimes, but never like it was - and she has been able to work well - if having found the interview process rather difficult to navigate. DS1 has gone from doing 5 GCSEs in a specialised programme and everything being a struggle other than maths to being flown out by his employer for projects. I imagine they appear able to perfectly cope in the real world, and that's credit to their hard work and having been mindful of finding environments that suit them so they no longer need as much external support, not that they are less autistic now than they used to be.

EsmeSusanOgg · 14/12/2025 21:17

I do not use neuro spicy to describe me, but others have. Mostly because I have multiple diagnoses (ADHD, ASD - actually Asperger's it was that long ago, and dyslexia. Suspected dyspraxia... But to be frank there's no need to be on another waiting list for that at this point in my life!). I often took it as people being light-hearted/ something said by friends. It can be quite annoying when overused on forums/ social media mind.

I do think people use 'every one is a bit...' too much. And it minimises genuine struggles.

frozendaisy · 14/12/2025 21:18

CuriousNotCruel · 14/12/2025 14:34

NOT talking about people with genuine diagnoses. But AIBU to think some people casually label basic personality traits - introversion, distractibility, perfectionism, as ADHD/ASD online? It feels dismissive to people with the real conditions.

online everything can and does get thrown around flippantly

love languages for example

it can help and hinder and dilute

real life is different - people need money, food, a home, a job, friends, relationships - we all need to work these things out ourselves no one is going to help you outside your close ones (some medical therapy assistance aside) but to expect awareness to create this open road of understanding is unrealistic- and the danger can come when people think online awareness and understanding filters into the real world it doesn’t not as much as some expect

but people work that out

Zhu · 14/12/2025 21:54

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/12/2025 20:56

Nobody had ADHD in the 70s ... everybody went to school, got a job ... what has happened to change this in such a short space if time?

Actually attention disorder was first written about in 1753, so it has been around for a long time.

OhDear111 · 14/12/2025 22:54

@Gherkintastic We had a low unemployment rate in 2022 and autism diagnosis off the scale - so Joe does high unemployment alter anything?

I agree that over diagnosis will cost those people gaining employment though. It’s already causing our education system huge issues by diverting funds and expertise away fro
those most in need. Some areas have far higher diagnosis than others too.

R1nt1nt1n · 15/12/2025 06:01

OhDear111 · 14/12/2025 22:54

@Gherkintastic We had a low unemployment rate in 2022 and autism diagnosis off the scale - so Joe does high unemployment alter anything?

I agree that over diagnosis will cost those people gaining employment though. It’s already causing our education system huge issues by diverting funds and expertise away fro
those most in need. Some areas have far higher diagnosis than others too.

Both those declarations are incorrect. There is under diagnosis not over diagnosis as highlighted in the recent NHS ADHD taskforce

https://www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/report-of-the-independent-adhd-taskforce-part-2/

Please note the stigma ND people suffer in said report that is clearly alive and well on this thread as per the MN norm.

It is symptoms not diagnosis that impacts employment ( autism is a protected disability) and children in education get help according to need NOT diagnosis. Funds and expertise are not diverted from those most in need,there is however more need than funding.

NHS England » Report of the independent ADHD Taskforce: Part 2

November 2025

https://www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/report-of-the-independent-adhd-taskforce-part-2

BreezyPeachGoose · 15/12/2025 07:03

The other difficult thing to consider with an autism diagnosis is the differential diagnosis of trauma / ACEs etc.

In theory any autism assessment would consider trauma as a differential and vice versa, they rarely document this has been considered. Obviously, some people may have both diagnoses correctly assessed.

If the trauma / neglect / ACEs are in the very early years unravelling the ASC from the trauma in the person as a teen / young person is extremely difficult / not possible.

There is a train of thought that some may find difficult to accept, that it's easier for the professional / parent & child it the child is diagnosed with autism rather than neglect or trauma. And for some the early years neglect that the child experienced may be that the child did not feel parental warmth and connection because the caregiver were too focussed on their career / screens / other distracting factors, that are not malicious from the parent and in fact sub conscious but from the child experience of having their basic needs met are lacking.
As parents, we can only parent using our life skills and experiences that we inherited from our parents, and what we have gone on to learn during our lifetimes, some of us lack all of what a child needs, regardless of how hard we try and love our child, how the child experiences this, processes it and how it forms their development and presentation is highly individual, multifactorial and complex.

R1nt1nt1n · 15/12/2025 07:21

BreezyPeachGoose · 15/12/2025 07:03

The other difficult thing to consider with an autism diagnosis is the differential diagnosis of trauma / ACEs etc.

In theory any autism assessment would consider trauma as a differential and vice versa, they rarely document this has been considered. Obviously, some people may have both diagnoses correctly assessed.

If the trauma / neglect / ACEs are in the very early years unravelling the ASC from the trauma in the person as a teen / young person is extremely difficult / not possible.

There is a train of thought that some may find difficult to accept, that it's easier for the professional / parent & child it the child is diagnosed with autism rather than neglect or trauma. And for some the early years neglect that the child experienced may be that the child did not feel parental warmth and connection because the caregiver were too focussed on their career / screens / other distracting factors, that are not malicious from the parent and in fact sub conscious but from the child experience of having their basic needs met are lacking.
As parents, we can only parent using our life skills and experiences that we inherited from our parents, and what we have gone on to learn during our lifetimes, some of us lack all of what a child needs, regardless of how hard we try and love our child, how the child experiences this, processes it and how it forms their development and presentation is highly individual, multifactorial and complex.

Edited

No this isn’t really something to consider and is a load of bunkham.

Newsflash those of us with ND children seeking diagnosis would rather they don’t have it or need a diagnosis. We’re not neglectful parents or crap parents seeking to explain away crap parenting. Many of us are supported by CAMhS or schools on our diagnosis journey.

Unfortunately given the traits ND can make you more likely to experience trauma. I have 2 kids who have ND diagnoses and CPTSD diagnoses due to things that have happened to them caused by their ND.

Mischance · 15/12/2025 07:24

I think context is important. We have a rigid education system which starts far too young and is too curriculum and inspection bound. In no way is this a normal environment for a small child.
I am not questioning the existence of these problems but just feel that we too easily accept squashing square pegs into round holes as the norm.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 15/12/2025 07:35

Children with genuine cases of need are not getting the support they need because so many parents are determined to get a piece of that support for their own kids and are shoe-horning them into an unnecessary diagnosis.

There seems to be a trend for adults to start self-diagnosing/private diagnosing so they simply can tell everybody. Repeatedly at the slightest opportunity.

TigerRag · 15/12/2025 07:48

CinnamonJellyBeans · 15/12/2025 07:35

Children with genuine cases of need are not getting the support they need because so many parents are determined to get a piece of that support for their own kids and are shoe-horning them into an unnecessary diagnosis.

There seems to be a trend for adults to start self-diagnosing/private diagnosing so they simply can tell everybody. Repeatedly at the slightest opportunity.

A diagnosis doesn't equal support

Do you really think people get a diagnosis for shits and giggles? I had to demonstrate it was affecting my life. I couldn't just ask my GP for a referral because I fancied it

BreezyPeachGoose · 15/12/2025 07:50

Adults are getting diagnosed and telling everybody because at long last they understand the adversities they have experienced in life.

In comparison to mental health and learning disability services,v f you are "just" autistic, there are very few, if any, services to support you.

My comments above are not a blanket statement for all, but I think do apply to some.

DinoLil · 15/12/2025 08:01

I'm diagnosed with ADHD, amongst other things. A builder in over the weekend spotted my meds and said 'oh I didn't know you were mental'. My reply was to point out my anti psychotic meds and said yes, and also I'm psychotic - he backed slowly away.

People have no idea and these phrases are bandied about with no idea of the truth. Probably the same people who scream they've cut their finger off. Nope, just a paper cut love, you don't even need a plaster...

Sigh.

SilverLining77 · 15/12/2025 08:11

patchlang · 14/12/2025 20:10

If you google online you will find forums of psychiatrists talking very candidly about their thoughts on ADHD and the people presenting to their offices seeking a diagnosis. It's actually very interesting reading with many interesting theories of what is going on and why so many people are seeking prescription stimulants in order to function and cope in todays world.

FYI, I have a diagnosis of ADHD myself and have been on and off various medications and I am now more sceptical about it than I once was. Also l literally don't know anyone who hasn't said to me at some point that they suspect they have ADHD, even people who objectively totally have their shit together.

Edited

ADHD meds are being advertised the way antidepressants were before - as a cure with no side effects, most effective drug we have that selectively works only on those with ADHD etc. Depression rates did not drop but continue to rise, antidepressant use continues to increase, I expect ADHD will follow a similar trend, with similar meds effectiveness outcomes.

People are being sold 'I was born like it I cannot change anything' explanation to their problems and a pill to take these away. I used to buy into the ND affirmative story - I don't anymore. Time will tell I guess.