Shocked by my colleague’s reply to me

[Jenni89]

I’m a teacher and went out for a couple of drinks last night as a department Christmas get together. I was a bit late so they’d already been drinking. I drove there and someone was driving like an idiot really close behind me which I mentioned when I arrived. Another teacher said that’s probably not the first man who has tried to get close to my rear end. Lots of laughter. AIBU to find that quite shocking given the audience?

This

Who said anything about sexual touching and mortgages?
It was a joke, not a particularly funny one, but a joke nonetheless

As long as I didn’t think it was intended to humiliate you I couldn’t get too excited about this. Mildly OTT but not worth making a drama over.

So just to be clear, this was not in school? The audience was other off duty adults. I find it hard to believe you've never encountered drunken humour like that before and the fact that you state "given the audience" suggests that you unreasonably believe teachers must be held to another level in their time off. It was a not very funny joke. Not massively offensive really. As my teen would say "It's not that deep" I don't think it was remotely linked to any beliefs about you or your rear....just a daft throwaway joke for the sake of it.

Are people really so sensitive these days?
Im guessing those who are offended weren't around in the 70s when a few ribald comments on a boozy night out produced gales of laughter and were forgotten 10 minutes later. Im glad im old tbh.

You idealised the situation in the 70s and denigrated the OP for taking offence in this era with greater equity.
I gave context to 70s ‘ribald comments’ and the effect they had on people. Surely even though you say you are ‘old’ you can remember how bad it was?

Presumably by "audience" Op means work colleagues rather than good friends?

It's the sort of thing I'd laugh about with friends but feel uncomfortable if a work colleague said it.

Exactly, so why the comment by the OP regarding 'the audience '

Was it the first man?

I’d find it personally very cringey. If that happened to someone in my team I would ask how they felt about it and act accordingly but as a first offence, you might just want to move on. It really depends how you feel about it because I wouldn’t blame you for feeling uncomfortable, whether it came from a man or a woman.

Presumably ithe comment was made in front of adults, and no children were there, considering it was a Christmas Party?! It was an attempt at being funny, by someone who'd probably had a few to drink. It wasn't said in malice or to offend. Yes, teachers are meant to be professional, but they're also human, not robots. People say daft things when they're out enjoying themselves. I can see a time when colleagues will stop socialising with one another, in fear of being reported to HR over a minor indiscretion. I'd have laughed the comment off or ignored it.

You're very easily shocked 🤣🤣🤣

Unpleasant, yes
"shocking", no

Just give him a cold stare and roll your eyes and move on.
You are more ridiculous to start a thread about it than him to make a crass joke - which some people will find funny, it's not offensive. I just don't think it's funny, but it doesn't matter.

OP doesn't say a man said it.

It’s interesting the amount of women who let men speak to them like that. I’ve followed this post in the hopes some strong women will come out and have the ops back. Sadly, its all the little doormats who would never question a drunk, twat of a man.

@Jenni89 incase I’m lost in the stepford wives. I’d be offended.

Degrading misogynist harassment.

I’m a teacher (just for context) and frankly, I’d be extremely surprised were a colleague to say this to another. I find it highly inappropriate. Maybe 30 years ago, when I first started teaching, it might have been the ‘norm’ (but I very much doubt it).

Re the teacher versus emergency services debate, toughie. My DH is emergency services and says he wouldn’t have the patience to do what I do. Don’t think I could cope with the dead bodies he does. We’ve both been working in the same careers for a good while, we both say the job has massively changed (the world has moved on!) and we both find our jobs stressful, but in different ways. I imagine many people find their jobs stressful.

That was a nothing move on.

Where does OP say the colleague in question was male though?

I'd be the first to agree with you had OP actually confirmed it was a man who said it.

You can roll your eyes and give a cold stare to a woman too. 😂

Men tend to take it better than women, that's the only difference

You’re right. I did assume! If it was a woman I’d probably say fuck off and get over it. A man would hold a whole different reaction for me.

I would not be impressed if my dh said this to another woman. I’d ask him if he’d be ok with someone saying that to his daughters. Luckily he wouldn’t say this because he’s a nice guy.

Indeed. What about the audience? It’s a bunch of work colleagues same as anywhere.
nor are teachers special?

I bet there's at least one panto currently running which has a similar joke in it

It's a bit of light innuendo. Unclench

An innuendo is not the same as being sexual assaulted...

Are you suggesting that any woman who isn't shocked or offended if someone made that comment to them isn't a strong woman or that they're a doormat? Really? Misogynistic much? Way to police how women should feel or react.