To not want to use DH's inheritance?

[AnnaQuayInTheUk]

Hi, I know this is a first world dilemma and we are in a very fortunate position.

DH is 63, work pension kicks in in just under 2 years time. He is 5 years older than me. For a while he's been suggesting that, when he retires, I should drop to PT or even give up work altogether. I've resisted this idea. My work pension doesn't kick in until I'm at state pension age, so 67 for me. I was thinking that maybe I'd go PT for the last 5 years of my working life.

However, two things have now happened. DH's mum died a couple of months ago, and my team at work are undergoing a consultation which will result in 50% of us being made redundant.

DH will inherit all his Mum's savings plus half the value of her house. It's just all been valued for Probate and he will inherit around £300k, maybe slightly more if house sells at more than expected

DH is talking again about me giving up work as, once the house sells, we will have a nest egg, but I'm really worried that (a) there are other things we could use the money for and (b) our standard of living will be much worse. DH thinks we will have much better quality of life as we won't have the stress/pressure of working.

I had thought that we could use some of the inheritance money to give to the DC for house deposits - they are in their late 20s and DS1 Iin particular is very unlikely to ever earn enough for a deposit. If we do that, what's left won't be enough to replace my salary for more than a few years.

So, AIBU to think that it would be better to keep on working - even if I'm made redundant I look for another FT job at a similar salary? Or should I be grateful that we will have some savings behind us, tighten our belts and - if I'm made redundant - accept that my career is over much sooner than anticipated?

Sorry, I meant to add - I also feel that this is DH's money not mine, which I know isn't the case (we've been married for over 30 years) and I feel that I shouldn't use it whilst I won't be contributing financially to the household.

300k doesn’t go far at all yanbu.

If you are likely to get a good redundancy package I would wait until then to decide. Do you enjoy working? It sounds like you want to continue working regardless of financials?

Your choice….I retired and returned at 55 …work 4 days on 10 off now….but also had extended periods of 2 months off at a time…..we’ve done loads of travel…what are your plans? Life is short …..at 60 I now feel far more knackered than I did at 55 …..I have 3 DGC I spend lots of time with….I have less savings than you …..your kids will be grateful for whatever you give them….if the money was left to DH then it was for him and you to enjoy….to make life easier….your kids will sort themselves out one way or the other …..imagine giving all your kids a big lump sum ….working until you are 62…then becoming ill or dying…..what a waste ….IMO anyway

Id retire and enjoy life

Agree £300k will make things more comfortable but isn't life changing. When my DH received a similar sum at a similar age, there was no talk of me cutting my work hours back. We gave our DD some money towards a flat deposit and did some much needed work in the house. The rest is sitting there in our savings.

I think part of the issue is I've never not worked. Even as a uni student I worked in the evenings. I've never relied on anyone else for money.

If I'm made redundant then I would have no income whatsoever. Zilch. So DH would pay for everything. And I know what's his is mine etc, but I just can't get my head round not having my "own" money. My pension kicks in at 67 so that's 9 years of not having my own income

If that’s how you feel….then you shouldn’t be considering giving big sums to your kids….that should be your DHs decision….you can’t have it both ways

Take your pension early

I wouldn’t give up work if you enjoy it. See what happens about the redundancy first. Your dh is probably worried he will get bored on his own

YANBU. I couldn't retire early if it meant I wouldn't be able to help my children financially. Any money we inherit will go directly to them.

Thanks, that's my feeling. I take home about £3k per month after tax, pension contribution etc. DH thinks we can eke out the inheritance to cover some of that for the next few years. I would rather give the DC a deposit each, get our kitchen redone (it desperately needs it) and then put the rest into savings.

This.

so you would give up on your retirement plans to inorder to work until you are 67 so you can give it to your kids? All very well saying you will do it at 67…..at 67 many people are too old….too sick or too dead to do anything exciting with their lives…. I love my kids….but I’m no martyr

@Cat1504 my pension isn't huge to start with - I spent many years part time and also some years working for a very small charity that didn't offer a pension scheme. Work pension is average earnings not final salary so taking it 9 years early will mean it will be very reduced.

300k plus a chuck from redundancy?

20k or 30k a year to live off for the first couple of years , then less taken from the inheritance pot and some extra from your DH pension, and more boosts from your pension and state pensions as they come through, 100 to share between the DS. Assuming your house is paid for by now?

you can sit down and work through the numbers but at first glance it looks quite reasonable that you can both retire

the other side is how much money do you normally spend on a year? It’s not good saying you could save some because you will find more things to do - more coffees out with friends or more time for holiday ms for example. Some people can live off 30k a year and some can’t

the question is more do you want to ? Doesn’t quite sound like you are ready

but I would advise against delaying it too much / just had too many friends getting terminal diseases in the last couple of years (50s) / time to grab life and get what you want before it gets taken from you

Yes, things are so tough for today's young people that if I needed to work that long in order to save for house deposits, help with student finance for them etc, then of course that's what I would do.

In your situation I would give the DC deposit money, get the house bits done and then either use some of the money to take a sabbatical for travel if that’s an option at your workplace. When you return to work I would either drop a day a week so you have more time together and flexibility to have long-weekends away, or, look at retiring a couple of years earlier. By th time you are 65 your DH will be 70 and may well not want a life of excitement and adventure.

If you view it as your husband’s money then it’s not for you to decide to give some to your children.

I think you need to consider the age difference. 5 years isn't much but by the time you are 67 your husband will be 72 and will be less active, maybe less up for travelling etc. For every wildly fit over 70 year old there are others who are starting to feel their age.

How much would you want to give you children? £300,000 plus a reduncancy payment would given them £50,000 each and supplement your income for a few years.

It is certainly worth finding out for definite what you pension would be at the various ages. Some redundancy packages come with pension enhancement as well.

WTF ? That’s double my outstanding mortgage that would give me a grand a month in disposable income back in my pocket

There’s lots of pros and cons but overall I agree with your DH. Your children are still quite young to buy a house and settle so you can possibly still help them in the future it doesn’t have to be right now.

Lots of us find that when we are older unexpected things come along like illness lack of energy etc we truly don’t know how long we have together. I feel your mum in law probably wanted to ease your lives by her wonderful legacy but you want to skip you and DH and just benefit your children. The years of retirement without pressures of work and with the wonderful freedom to explore travel enjoy loads of friendships and hobbies are so so precious. My DH had a truly frightening health scare two years ago d I thought that might be it. Now we are living every day in the present.

I retired a year after DH and also had no income until state pension at 66. He was very happy to support me and have my company to do loads of wonderful things together. It can be a fantastic time of life if you are happy together and healthy. Yes we had less money but enough to still have a lovely lifestyle. But loads of things we like don’t cost much - mainly nature based so depends what you love OP.

Would it change things if you get big redundancy payout? Can you try part-time with plan to stop in a couple of years. Starts savings ISA for DC deposits? Lots of options not either/or. Good luck

So you do see it as your money as well then. You want to give the children some money. You want to redo the kitchen and you want to put the rest in savings.

I think you first need to work out whether you believe it’s his money or shared money.

I don't think any decisions need to be made now as presumably your husband will work until retirement - so you have two years to really think this through, let alone sell the house and get probate settled so that you know the actual figures that you are dealing with and not an estimation. In that time you will know if you have been made redundant or not (and to be honest if you could get a really favourable deal by taking the voluntary option - if it's offered - then that's something to consider too). If you do get made redundant you could then consider part time work for your new role, which still means you have income coming in, but a lot more flexibility not only in the job market, but also at the point at which your husband retires when you can both reappraise things. Including what the future looks like for the pair of you as well as the children.

That 300k wouldn’t even cover the 9 years op!

i wouldn’t do it