To not want to use DH's inheritance?

[AnnaQuayInTheUk]

Hi, I know this is a first world dilemma and we are in a very fortunate position.

DH is 63, work pension kicks in in just under 2 years time. He is 5 years older than me. For a while he's been suggesting that, when he retires, I should drop to PT or even give up work altogether. I've resisted this idea. My work pension doesn't kick in until I'm at state pension age, so 67 for me. I was thinking that maybe I'd go PT for the last 5 years of my working life.

However, two things have now happened. DH's mum died a couple of months ago, and my team at work are undergoing a consultation which will result in 50% of us being made redundant.

DH will inherit all his Mum's savings plus half the value of her house. It's just all been valued for Probate and he will inherit around £300k, maybe slightly more if house sells at more than expected

DH is talking again about me giving up work as, once the house sells, we will have a nest egg, but I'm really worried that (a) there are other things we could use the money for and (b) our standard of living will be much worse. DH thinks we will have much better quality of life as we won't have the stress/pressure of working.

I had thought that we could use some of the inheritance money to give to the DC for house deposits - they are in their late 20s and DS1 Iin particular is very unlikely to ever earn enough for a deposit. If we do that, what's left won't be enough to replace my salary for more than a few years.

So, AIBU to think that it would be better to keep on working - even if I'm made redundant I look for another FT job at a similar salary? Or should I be grateful that we will have some savings behind us, tighten our belts and - if I'm made redundant - accept that my career is over much sooner than anticipated?

I would defo consider going pt and a big part of me would love to retire early! Xxx

Read your responses back. You already know how you feel on this subject. You want to keep working, it's screaming from your responses.

There's no decision to be made here, but Mumsnet hereby validates your choice.

Not being morbid but the stats are that between 60 and 65 around 5 in 10000 die each year and it doubles to 10 to 12 from 65 to 75. If you look at chronic disease like diabetes, cardio, stroke, etc it dramatically increases after 65. Add other diabilitating disease and there is a significant and measurable risk that both you and your husband might not have the same opportunities in 10 years you do now. Of course you might well stay in great health, but most people think they will be healthy, until they aren't. The stats don't even include conditions like dementia or include accidents. Plenty of people posting here of real life examples of who poor health has changed all retirement plans.

@ClareBlue obviously no way of predicting accurately, but MIL was 93 when she died and FIL is 93 with no ill health. I suspect DH has inherited good genes!

My dad had a massive heart attack at 61, and died at 77 from heart failure. My mum had to have a quadruple heart bypass at 63 although thankfully is still very fit and healthy 20 years later. Her parents died of heart attacks when they were 52 and 72. So the odds are stacked against me!

Yes, you need advice.

@ClareBlue Most of those are preventable and are caused by lifestyle. (diabetes and heart disease.)

I agree. My FIL is mid 60's with a terrible lifestyle. He's had cancer, diabetes, a stroke and his life is now very limited. My mum is similar age and completely healthy, and I'm sure that's mostly down to how she lives. Yes there's an element of luck and genetics but a huge amount is lifestyle related. We aren't all drooling in nappies after 60.

But as was suggested above heart disease can often be inherited. My DH has heart failure which we've been told is inherited. Blood tests show that all aspects are well within acceptable levels

My dad's heart issues were definitely lifestyle/diet related. Neither of his parents had heart issues. But my mum's are genetic. She was (and is) very fit, never smoked, drank very occasionally, ate a good and balanced diet. She did lots of exercise and was never bigger than a size 10, mostly an 8. Her heart bypass was almost 20 years ago now and so far she has remained very healthy.

It's not a good idea when planning long term finances to take into account older family, simply because so many illnesses are linked to lifestyle and even medicine that wasn't as advanced as it is now.
Financial advisors work on the basis of life expectancy which is about 85 for women and 83 for men.
That gives you a guide of how many years after retirement you need to consider with income. savings etc.

I think everyone should plan for a comfortable retirement, none of us can know what the future holds, and if you can't benefit from retirement savings, your kids will. When I worked in payroll 20 years ago I was surprised at how many people, particularly women, chose not to join the organisation's gold-plated final salary pension scheme because "what if I die tomorrow". Well, your kids get a dependant's pension and your partner gets a lump sum to pay off the mortgage? But then they'd still rather have the pension contribution in their back pocket now because, "I can enjoy the money now, when I'm young and healthy, when I'm old I won't appreciate it as much"

I think you can imagine how they feel now, as they have to wait extra years to 67 to get their stingy state pension, and they see other colleagues retire at 62-65 on a very nice guaranteed income. Perhaps some of them are in poor health now, but I doubt it's a great comfort that at least they had fun with the bit of extra money whislt they were young.

Slightly different situation to yours, but it's interesting how people generally fall into thinking in black and white: it's either money now, or money later. They forget the third category of save a bit now, money later.

Of course lifestyle is a major factor but so are genetics and circumstances. We don't know what lifestyle OP and her partner actually have and as I said there are perfectly healthy people into their 60s and 70s and 80s. But the older you are the higher probability that you will have debilitating illness or death. That's a fact. So if you plan things for further on in your life with your current health status then there is increasing chance that you won't be as healthy as you are now. Most people only consider finances when planning retirement and assume they will be healthy enough to fulfill their plans. For a significant number, they aren't.

I’m in a similar situation- dh 7 years older, has some money from his Mum and is looking to retire soon. He wants me to do the same. I am still 12 years from my pension and our child is still at school. I don’t want to retire and don’t want to stop earning at least until child is done with uni. I don’t think you should retire until you feel ready. If a redundancy comes along that puts you in a different situation- maybe take a break for a while and see whether you want to stay out of work or look for a different job.

But anyone who has a genetic risk will/ should know or they can have tests.

A financial advisor will tell you to plan for all eventualities.
We've been advised to put aside £x amount for care homes, for example.
We've been advised to work out what we need as an immediate emergency fund that is accessible and not in stocks, shares or ISAs (where we'd lose interest.)
We've also been told that outgoings decrease after about 80 because most older people simply dont spend as much on holidays etc.

@OhNoMyLovely my Mum is 83, goes on loads of holidays still and is off to NZ next year!
But I get your point

@ClareBlue I'd say our lifestyle is fairly average - not particularly unhealthy but not super healthy either. I do circuit training, sea swim most days and do pilates twice a week. I also walk the dog. Eat chicken and fish but very little red meat. DH plays tennis, badminton, cycles. And walks the dog!

I think genetics are a bigger issue. My sister and I both have high cholesterol. She runs almost every day, runs a couple of marathons each year, she's vegan and also only eats wholefood - nothing ultra processed. We are both on statins to control our cholesterol levels (which are now fine). Her lifestyle is incredibly healthy.

These are all averages, not figures set in stone, based on life expectancy.

I think your lifestyle sounds super healthy!

If I had the money I would help my kids. Every Single Time.

Tell people you are going on a SKI holiday( spending kids' inheritance!). Whatever you do,spend some on yourselves,while you are able to enjoy life.

Can you do partial retirement?

My mum is 72 and had a stroke this year. Grab every chance you can to make memories with your husband particularly if he is older. You cannot buy time.

Your kids will inherit anyway. This is your time. Grab it,

My mum retired at 64, we were blessed that she looked after my son. 9 years on she had a stroke. Completely blindsided us. To see my fit healthy active mum reduced like this is hard. As a child to a parent in their position now I would say I love you, go enjoy.

Not everyone wants to 'make memories' with hols etc.
OP enjoys work. She doesn't want to be joined to his hip 24/7.

Fair enough as long as she knows you cant take it with you.

Thanks for your empathy.

Also OP when and if one of you becomes ill it incapacitates your movements. So if I could give you any advice do the things that are physically harder now. Whatever they may be, new kitchen/holiday..when you get in to the looking after cycle you wont have time or inclination.

Whatever you decide have fun and enjoy.