To not want to use DH's inheritance?

[AnnaQuayInTheUk]

Hi, I know this is a first world dilemma and we are in a very fortunate position.

DH is 63, work pension kicks in in just under 2 years time. He is 5 years older than me. For a while he's been suggesting that, when he retires, I should drop to PT or even give up work altogether. I've resisted this idea. My work pension doesn't kick in until I'm at state pension age, so 67 for me. I was thinking that maybe I'd go PT for the last 5 years of my working life.

However, two things have now happened. DH's mum died a couple of months ago, and my team at work are undergoing a consultation which will result in 50% of us being made redundant.

DH will inherit all his Mum's savings plus half the value of her house. It's just all been valued for Probate and he will inherit around £300k, maybe slightly more if house sells at more than expected

DH is talking again about me giving up work as, once the house sells, we will have a nest egg, but I'm really worried that (a) there are other things we could use the money for and (b) our standard of living will be much worse. DH thinks we will have much better quality of life as we won't have the stress/pressure of working.

I had thought that we could use some of the inheritance money to give to the DC for house deposits - they are in their late 20s and DS1 Iin particular is very unlikely to ever earn enough for a deposit. If we do that, what's left won't be enough to replace my salary for more than a few years.

So, AIBU to think that it would be better to keep on working - even if I'm made redundant I look for another FT job at a similar salary? Or should I be grateful that we will have some savings behind us, tighten our belts and - if I'm made redundant - accept that my career is over much sooner than anticipated?

This seems to be a view exclusively held by boomers who themselves benefitted from a very low house price to wage ratio and often an inheritance too. But no, no this generation are feckless and lazy and if only they gave up their weekly costa would also be able to buy a family home in their 20s 🙄.

Agree with this - I’d love my mum to retire early and enjoy her life. Much more than I’d enjoy having that money for myself!

You must live in a very cheap area then which is a completely different scenario to the OP who says at least one of her children may never afford to buy their own home. Also nowhere does the OP say she’s struggling on in work, which is again a completely different scenario.

I would wait to see if you could take redundancy and if you do get a part time job. Have some nice holidays while you’re still young. If your children have saved for a deposit I would match what they have saved.

Normally I'm in the 'retire and enjoy life' camp. But what's playing on my mind is you're not a low earner, presumably your husband is an even higher earner (no shade, but normally women mention if they're the higher earner in an OP like this).

And you're nearing retirement age without being able to gift a deposit and having things to do on the house, so it seems you're probably used to living near the top of your budget and not great savers. That would make me want to work at least a while longer and build up some buffers. Your pension will be lower than your wage, could you try living off your future income for 6 months and see if that makes you want to live differently e.g. downsize rather than re-do the kitchen?

I'd be uneasy about giving up work at your age knowing how hard it can be to get another job. That said, if the redundancy package was generous I'd consider it - partly because if they are losing that many people to
voluntary redundancy they may follow up with compulsory if not enough people leave. However I would be looking for another job, maybe less hours though- split the difference and you could be part time with more time to spend with DH, give children a decent deposit each and redo the kitchen.
It depends a lot on the numbers - how much you earn, how much DH & your eventual pensions will be, how many children you have and what sort of deposit you hope to give them.

I'd be seeing an independent financial advisor if I were you.

If you retire, are you sure you could get a part-time job in this currently gloomy job market abd at your age?

What jumps out at me is that your DH wants to give your kids more money than you do. I’m leaning towards what you think - giving them less than he wants to because personally I would want to feel confident that pensions and whatever you keep from the £300k will give me and my husband a comfortable life with as little financial worries as possible. Which may mean saving and investing most of it. Also, potential care costs. You don’t know how long you’ll both live for.

I understand this scenario is the reason women’s state pension age was lower than men’s. That men who were usually older than their wives would not want to wait 5 years for their wives to retire, so this was seen as a way to “equalise” the ages.

Fundamentally this is the problem with age gap relationships. He’s had his 5 years of earning power but wants you to sacrifice yours. He may not even realise how selfishly he’s behaving because he’s offering to fully fund you, but this request benefits him alone.

You won’t get your 5 years back at the end either because you’ll be caring for your older husband.

The stats on peak earning years are as they are precisely because people drop their hours, go part time or take on a less demanding role. If you carry on full time in a senior role then you’ll still be earning well.

I think a lot of the answers here are too black and white. It’s not a case of flogging yourself to death at work or relaxing into a golden-hued retirement. For my part I’m late 50’s, with a teenager at home and work keeps me engaged with the world. Work is interesting and I have a laugh with my colleagues as well as getting paid and building up my pension. If I drop dead at 67 those years won’t have been wasted just because I was working, far from it.

It’s probably people who hate their jobs.

I think you’re being pretty sensible actually. Maybe see how the redundancy pans out and then make a final decision then. Any idea what your payout would be if you were made redundant? Maybe 2-3 days a week would be quite nice to allow you to have your own money plus continue to build your own pension pot.

Finally, Giving a large house deposit to the kids is really generous but don’t do it to your own detriment.

What’s jumping out at me here is that you don’t feel ready to retire yet. So don’t.

If redundancy happens then the decision might be made for you. But until then I certainly wouldn’t be wanting to use up your DH’s inheritance on living expenses when you’re keen to keep working.

@GreenGiant167 my redundancy pay will be the equivalent of 19 weeks salary, tax free.

@NewYearNewNameWhoKnew they aren't offering voluntary redundancy, it will be compulsory. I won't know until late Jan /early Feb if I'm going or staying.

It’s your husbands money not yours. So let him decide. If he wants to live on that money so be it, if he wants to give it your children that’s on him. He could give them £20k each as a start. You carry on working if you wish. But you live your life too. Too many people save for retirement and don’t get there and it’s heartbreaking.

Doesn’t sound like you hate your job OP. Any chance to go part time if you survive the redundancies? Or look for something else?

I think there’s a balance between fully retire and live off the 300k for 9 years, and keep on working full time for 9 years. Do you actually need your 3k a month to live on? Not sure if I’ve missed how much your DH pension will be

will you both be entitled to full state pensions?

Live is for living though. By the time you get to 67 your DH ( and you) could be in bad health and not able to enjoy your retirement.

id want to give my kids money for house deposits. But not to the detriment of my own financial security.

Thanks everyone for your views.

If redundancy hadn't come into the equation then giving up work would not be up for discussion. But if I am made redundant, I need to think about my next steps.

DH is definitely of the opinion that we could have a really good quality of life if neither of us are working. He's currently PT and really looking forward to fully retiring in 2 years. We would have enough to live on but wouldn't be that well off. Once we are both fully retired with work and state pensions we'll be fine, but that won't happen until I'm 67 and DH is 62.

I do take on board everyone's point about seizing the moment because, at 67 and 72 we may not be well enough to do all the things we'd hope to - long cycle rides, long walks, adventure holidays etc. My dad had a massive heart attack 3 months before my Mum retired and then lived for another 15 years with a lot of disability. They couldn't do lots of the things they'd hoped to.

On the other hand, both DH and I are pretty fit and healthy.

It's the "no income" for 9 years I can't get my head around. Even if we use the inheritance to make up some of the lost earnings, it wouldn't feel like 'my' money. DH sees it as family money that we should use to give ourselves a better quality of life.

@AnnaQuayInTheUk
Putting money aside, I dont think you sound like you want to retire?
Retirement is a big step and likely to leave you feeling without purpose if you still value your career.
Great to have options but it really is up to you if you give up work.

With financial stability you could back track your role, take less responsibility, go part time and enjoy some time with DH.

Yes this.

You’ll have enough to manage, but who wants to just manage when you don’t have to. As you say if you’re giving some money to DC, the remainder won’t result in a large amount each year to live on - groceries, insurances, running a car, utility bills, self-care, birthdays/Christmases etc etc etc, the costs are massive with COL.

Some people are happy to manage and scrimp and scrape OP, but I wouldn’t want to. I want holidays abroad, my hair done at the hairdressers, be able to buy good new boots when I want them, be able to treat my family, not have to worry about paying for a meal out with friends.

If you think you’ll be kaput by the time you’re 70 and will just survive on a few slices of tongue instead of steak, a couple of bus trips a year instead of a lovely hotel etc etc then fair enough. If you want a bit more and think you’ll be fit enough for that then I would not stop working yet.

It’s all relative.

I feel like this is the right attitude too. OP, if you have the opportunity, reture and live life. If after a few years you need to downsize, so be it. Time is the most valuable thing. Make the most of your health.

@Jamesblonde2 and @mcmuffin22 you have each summed up the polarity of my thinking.

Quality time Vs money.

I keep thinking - if I was offered VR, would I take it? And I really don't know. I'm still a registered and qualified Social Worker, although haven't practiced for a few years. So I could do that PT which would mean a drop in income but more free time, plus I'd be keeping my brain active.

Be very careful about going part time and actually working part time. No point being paid less for doing similar hours.

I would not agree to stop working for now. I would feel like you and reluctant to depend on Dh and no income. You can review it year by year, doesn’t have to mean committing to working til you’re 65.

You’ve no idea how much time you have left.

there’s no point in having thousands in the bank when you are too old to enjoy it.

if you want to travel the cost of insurance is extortionate the older you are.

live for today

I feel very strongly that you should continue working. 1. You want to and are clearly getting more than just a financial benefit out of working 2. It's not a life changing amount of money- though it could be v significant for your DCs if you can help with deposits at a crucial time. 3. Not having your own money is VERY tricky. Dynamics change and not in a good way. 4. You can revisit this in a couple of years when your-husband-in-retirement becomes a known quantity. 5. If you've always worked, you need time and space to think what you want to do in retirement. 6. It's harder to get back into work if you step out in yours 60s.

If your DC are living with you I'd help them out to get them to leave home. If not, then I'd finish your house and then retire early with your DH - don't forget to pay your NI though.

Life goes by faster as you get older. My DH got heart failure about five years after retiring, he's reasonably well but was lucky and could easily have died. We had no warning and it could happen to anyone.
I took early retirement and have never regretted it, though I don't have much pension and didn't get my state pension for 7 years.

We took the opportunity to downsize, buy a wreck of a house and renovate it using tradesmen rather than doing it ourselves.