Husband sharing pics when I have asked him not to

[Wandavision2025]

I hate having my photo taken, and always have, as far back as I can remember, whether I looked great, or looked awful. I think part of it might stem from my mum who had a horrible habit off taking photos unexpectedly that always made me look like shit, and then being argumentatively crappy about it if I asked her to stop it. She would launch into a big lecture about me being vain - but in fact it was the absolute opposite I also had really low self esteem about my looks for a long time. It's not that I am vain, I just hate being reminded of all my flaws.

But it I do let people take pictures of me, there are a few every year, family gatherings and whatnot, and even upload a few to a shared group on Google photos.

I have asked my husband repeatedly, for years, not to share pictures of me without letting me see them first. He does it maybe three times a year, it's not all the time. But I want it to be zero times. I want him only to share photos of me if he lets me see them first and say no if I hate them.

And I always find one picture that I can stand and say yes to that. I never exactly like them, but there will be one that's ok that I will say yep, ok, you can send that.

Once, I actually tried embarrassing him into stopping, he uploaded some fugly pictures to a group chat with another family member and I actually posted "I have asked you not to share photos of me without my consent many times. Please stop doing this". He did stop sharing to group chat at least.

I just found out that he has sent another Moonpig card to his mum, as he does every year - if you don't know, Moonpig lets you upload photos to the card, prints it off and posts it to your recipient.

He casually mentioned it and I said I hope you didn't send a picture of me without me seeing it. He admitted he had, said it was a good picture and I said "But why didn't you ask me?" He said "You would have said no". I said that is the point of consent, I have the right to say no.

As it happens, the picture he shared is the one I would have picked, it's ok. But am I wrong to think that is just not the point, at all? I do not say no to all pictures, I would if I thought that was reasonable, but I understand a few pictures a year is probably something I just have to tolerate.

I just want to see them before he sends them and have the right to say no.

How do I get him to stop doing this and understand how wrong it is to keep doing this to someone?

Surely his reasons for upsetting me don't trump my reasons for wanting him to stop? Surely it is my right to ask my own husband to respect my wish to veto photos of myself shared by him? AIBU to think this?

This makes me very uncomfortable on your behalf. He thinks he knows better than you what you ‘should’ feel. He thinks he can coerce you into being his fictional preferred version of you, rather than caring about the person you actually are.

If he’s said he will respect your preferences he’s deliberately lied to you.

Lying and coercion are serious. So is basic lack of care or interest for you as you really are.

You've confused blanket term and applied 2 completely different scenarios

Do you say to your 5 year old... no you dont have to go to school, no you dont have to eat, you can have chocolate for dinner every night... no you dont have to go to bed, no you can watch as much tv as you want

I voted YANBU. I hate having my picture taken because I just don't photograph well.

As a matter of fact my relationship with someone from another country (where they are known for a lack of boundaries) ended last week over sharing pictures, so I get where you're coming from.

How dare you belittle the OP's feelings? Can you not see that this is precisely what her husband is doing every time he posts something without her permission? The OP doesn't have to explain to anyone why she doesn't want her photos paraded to all and sundry. Her feelings are valid and she is entitled to them. The fact that her husband is disrespecting them is shocking and would make me wonder how else he is choosing to disrespect her.

I have every sympathy for you OP - I feel precisely the same about photos.

Sorry op but in this scenario I think yabu.

I understand where you are coming from but really this is a core issue with self worth that you need to address and take control of rather than expecting people to pussyfoot around. The way you talk about yourself (using terms like fugly) is really sad and you deserve so much better. If you wouldn't speak to another person that way why are you speaking that way to yourself?

Honestly go for counselling, look at your social media and filter who you follow to include more influencers who celebrate diversity and try to get to a place of neutrality with your body and appearance.

Exactly this. In the first instance he is being unreasonable for going against
your wishes. But it’s quite obvious the real problem is your self esteem and how you view yourself. It is quite extreme and it isn’t normal and is now impacting day to day normal activities such as sharing family photos and your relationship with your husband. You should seek to address the real issue here.

I dare to because she asked AIBU. Its literally the point. And the poll suggesys she is indeed being unreasonable 😃
But now you've belittled my feelings, how will i possibly cope

Oh, I'm sure you'll manage!

YABVVU - the fact that everyone who visits will see it!! Seriously?. Why do you consider yourself so important that anyone would be interested in it? I certainly wouldn't.

To me, unless you're always nitpicking and asking someone to stop / start / change they way they do something, if your spouse asks you to do one minor thing and explains why, and is upset if you don't do this minor thing, then you're a bit of a shit for not doing it. It's not exactly a big effort for him to check which picture you prefer but it stops you feeling upset. So why would he choose to upset you, instead of a wiick check?

Have you had therapy as this is quite extreme reaction. One thing not to have photos all over social media, another to closely vet photos for family etc.

I always think it is sad for people who have parents who refuse having their photo taken as photos are something to cherish after they are gone.

Sounds like you are both both the wrong partner, getting petty over nothing.