I hate having my photo taken, and always have, as far back as I can remember, whether I looked great, or looked awful. I think part of it might stem from my mum who had a horrible habit off taking photos unexpectedly that always made me look like shit, and then being argumentatively crappy about it if I asked her to stop it. She would launch into a big lecture about me being vain - but in fact it was the absolute opposite I also had really low self esteem about my looks for a long time. It's not that I am vain, I just hate being reminded of all my flaws.
But it I do let people take pictures of me, there are a few every year, family gatherings and whatnot, and even upload a few to a shared group on Google photos.
I have asked my husband repeatedly, for years, not to share pictures of me without letting me see them first. He does it maybe three times a year, it's not all the time. But I want it to be zero times. I want him only to share photos of me if he lets me see them first and say no if I hate them.
And I always find one picture that I can stand and say yes to that. I never exactly like them, but there will be one that's ok that I will say yep, ok, you can send that.
Once, I actually tried embarrassing him into stopping, he uploaded some fugly pictures to a group chat with another family member and I actually posted "I have asked you not to share photos of me without my consent many times. Please stop doing this". He did stop sharing to group chat at least.
I just found out that he has sent another Moonpig card to his mum, as he does every year - if you don't know, Moonpig lets you upload photos to the card, prints it off and posts it to your recipient.
He casually mentioned it and I said I hope you didn't send a picture of me without me seeing it. He admitted he had, said it was a good picture and I said "But why didn't you ask me?" He said "You would have said no". I said that is the point of consent, I have the right to say no.
As it happens, the picture he shared is the one I would have picked, it's ok. But am I wrong to think that is just not the point, at all? I do not say no to all pictures, I would if I thought that was reasonable, but I understand a few pictures a year is probably something I just have to tolerate.
I just want to see them before he sends them and have the right to say no.
How do I get him to stop doing this and understand how wrong it is to keep doing this to someone?
Surely his reasons for upsetting me don't trump my reasons for wanting him to stop? Surely it is my right to ask my own husband to respect my wish to veto photos of myself shared by him? AIBU to think this?