What age do you stop buying grandchildren

[Maggie2408]

For years I have bought Christmas and birthday gifts for grandchildren spending a £100 on each gift. Grandchildren are now in 20’s have never ever received a birthday or Christmas card from them . We want to cut back what we give, what would be acceptable ? Thank you

My mum still spoils my dc, her only grandchildren, also gives the max she can within tax law into savings accounts, however they do send cards and one sends gifts plus flowers for Mother’s Day (other is autistic so a bit different)

DM still gifts her DG with a few pounds in a card. They do send her a card or pop round with a gift.

I'd still send them a card, but hold back on the gifts because they dont give you anything. Tell them that that's the new routine.

Thank you!

The parents have failed though. No thank you? No card? No text?

Just stop from today. They obviously don't care about the presents.

Are you in contact at all? If so and the subject comes up, cite cost of living, it's not something anyone can argue with without looking like an arse.

If you're not in contact, you're mental to have kept doing it this long.

I think I was 16 when relatives stopped sending me an unsuitable token present or £10 in a card. I was hugely relieved. I always hated the forced contact and having to pretend to be grateful for this item I didn't like in a thank you note. I wanted people's time and company, not presents. We have a far better relationship now I'm adult and they've stopped trying to buy my affection.

I got presents for Christmas and birthdays from my grandparents until they died. My elderly mum buys presents for all her grandchildren, now all in their mid-late 20s. It would seem odd to me to stop.

Send them a text

"Hi grandkids, you're adults now so it's time we had a conversation about gift giving. Are we going to be giving reciprocal gifts to each other now? Doing a secret Santa? Or is it time for me to draw a line under the gift giving?

Let me know soon or it'll be coal for the lot of you 🤣
Grandma xxx"

Their parents have really failed in this respect

@Maggie2408 you don't mention your reason for cutting back.

If it's because you can no longer afford to gift, that's absolutely fair enough.

If it's because you're upset that you get no thanks, then that's on their parents (so either your daughter or son, is at fault) not your beloved grandchildren.

I do think it's wholly incumbent on the parents to always ensure their children, from an early age, acknowledge appreciation of gifts, from whomever.

I agree that the parents failed at teaching their kids to show appropriate gratitude and a precedent was set. But at what point do the adult grandchildren have responsibility for their inaction?

Our adult children still get gifts from their nan and from aunts and uncles and they also buy gifts for the aforementioned relatives . I can’t comprehend working adults who think it’s ok to take presents but not give them .

My gran bought for me until she died when I was 32. But then I cared for her in her later years, took her out and appreciated her. My uncle's daughter she stopped at 21 as she never once received so much as a thank you. She said 'I have another granddaughter in name only.

I always got a gift from my grandma, and my DC do, but we also all buy for grandparents. It seems wrong for it to be one sided as in your case.

I wondered too if they ever thanked you for their gifts.
Badly reared by their oarents, one of whom is your offspring, if they never bothered sending you a birthday or ChrIstmas card.

Grandchildren - never. Ungrateful people irrespective of who they are- do it asap although easier said than done.

I find this so very sad - I used to love buying my grandparents gifts 😔

Don’t have GC yet but remember when I was younger my grandma was so lovely and kind I bought her and both my parents a small gift out of my wages as a paper girl. This was something I wanted to do and I always brought my grandma and parents a present after that with my own money and I would be about 11 or 12.

In your shoes I would either severely cut back and spend about £20 or £30 or don’t buy them anything at all.

My niece was like that I always spent between £40 or £50 for birthdays and the same again for Christmas. We rarely saw her and she would send the shortest most basic text thank you messages. Never sent me a card on my birthday or Christmas and never even phoned or texted to wish me happy birthday or happy Christmas so I stopped once she was 21.

My Granny never stopped, bless her, always a fiver in a card. But wouldn’t have dreamed of forgetting her birthday or Christmas and always sent a thank you. I think maybe when we had kids the other side started buying for the kids instead?

😆😆😆😆

Three of my four grandparents died when I was a child, but the one who lived into my adulthood still gave me gifts until she died - I gave her gifts too though, right from when I was quite young. My DS is nearly 10 and I do try to make sure he chooses something to give his DGPs on my side for Christmas and birthdays, DH doesn’t really bother with his parents though and just does a gift from all of us. Certainly I think adult grandchildren should be buying you a gift and agree it’s a failing of their parents if they’re not.

"But at what point do the adult grandchildren have responsibility for their inaction?"

I agree, that is a fair point @JustPeter.

If there has never been the expectation and @Maggie2408 has not had an issue, previously, they could just be ignorant of the impact it's having on Maggie?

Rude never sending a b'day card! Not thoughtful. OP, up to you. Don't bother doing it anymore, or start a new tradition of a tub of Roses, large selection box or something small each. Quite cheap, marks the occasion and gift done. My nan didn't buy us Xmas, but we did get a bit of money for b'day or ask us what we'd like, normally a LP or something like that, not too much but really appreciated. I always bought nan something for her b'day too.

Op if you have a good relationship with the parents why can't you mention about acknowledging you ?

I know in twenties people are usually really in the thrust of life and everyone else is on the peripheral..

I imagine that it would be awkward, in any situation at Christmas, whether gift is sent by post, dropped round, or given in person round the tree, to suddenly stop giving grandchildren a gift at Christmas, if that's been the norm for you.

I feel your hurt and feeling of miff, that as they are now young adults, why should you give to them, when as children they were likely never taught gratitude and the pleasure in giving, as well as receiving, by at least sending a card at Christmas to DGs.
I would likely scale it down now; a card, maybe a token amount of money, if you're comfortable doing that.

My DM still buys gifts for my DCs (aged 20 and 17) but they buy her gifts - not much because they’re students, but they will buy her flowers and chocolates and generally make a fuss which she absolutely loves 🥰

My grandparents gave us gifts until they had dementia and couldn’t and my grandma literally days before she died she was arguing with my dad on Xmas Eve to get so much out of the bank from our Christmas money as she didn’t want it ‘emailed’.
Having said that, we saw our grandparents regularly and since I got my own job at 16 I bought them Christmas/birthday/ wedding anniversary gifts.
This is the first year without any grandparents! My Christmas list is looking smaller this year 😢