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Original poster

What age do you stop buying grandchildren

126 replies

Maggie2408 · 12/12/2025 14:20

For years I have bought Christmas and birthday gifts for grandchildren spending a £100 on each gift. Grandchildren are now in 20’s have never ever received a birthday or Christmas card from them . We want to cut back what we give, what would be acceptable ? Thank you

OP posts:
HoorayHettie · 12/12/2025 14:40

I would love to buy some grandchildren but if I end up with ones like the OP has, would I be able to return them and get a refund?

Catza · 12/12/2025 14:40

My granny still gives me birthday money and I am 42.
We don't do cards as a family but my mum, aunt and I usually chip in for a birthday gift/pay for a restaurant trip. I don't specifically tell my granny "I helped to pay for X for you" so I don't know if she knows. That's not really how we do things in our family.

The thing is... gifts is something you do because you want to. I once tried to refuse the money and granny got very offended. I learned my lesson. It gives her joy to do this for me. If it doesn't give you joy, then it's OK to stop.

HappyFace2025 · 12/12/2025 14:41

I plan to go up to 21 (if I'm still around!)
Although my DDs were taught to write a thank you card the DGS never do. I do get birthday cards from them though.

ReignOfError · 12/12/2025 14:42

Mine are all all at school, but I plan to continue buying regardless of age, although I spend far less than you. However, they would get one year’s grace at not thanking me, and then the next year I wouldn’t bother. It’s really no effort to send a WhatsApp or text.

So in your shoes, I’d stop, or if you feel you can’t, stick a £10 book token in an email (or envelope if you’d rather, but stamps are expensive) to them.

DontbesorrybeGiles · 12/12/2025 14:43

I bought a 17 year old in a vintage shop the other day.

5128gap · 12/12/2025 15:27

I don't thinks it's an age question as much as a relationship question.
I'll buy for my GC till I die if I continue to have a relationship with them where I want to do so, which I very much hope will be the case. However if for some reason they decide I'm no longer a part of their lives and don't want to engage with me, then I may stop.
I'm not sure where you are with yours, as its hard to judge a relationship on gift giving alone. However if they ignore you in all regards then I think its justifiable to stop spending on them if you no longer want to.

NeverCouldGetTheHangOfThursdays · 12/12/2025 15:39

Well I haven't actually started buying any yet. Do you have to buy them as babies or can you get them any age? Do they come with a warranty and can you get a refund if you don't like them?

superbakedpotato · 12/12/2025 15:56

My grandparents never stopped, but once we all got to 16 it was £20 in a card for Christmas, and same for birthdays. I don't think most adult GC would expect too much from grandparents.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 12/12/2025 15:58

Grandchildren are not for sale OP - but if they were I'd sell yours.

I'd stop right now, and if anyone asks why you can tell them - it's a pity your kids don't bring them up better.

Ambridgefan · 12/12/2025 16:01

You should do whatever you like.
I don't think anyone else cannanwer that for you as everyone is different.
I still spend a lot of money on my children and grandchildren. A lot more than they spend on me. That's ok because I enjoy it and want to do it.
If you don't just stop or reduce spend to whatever you want to

FrostyPalms · 12/12/2025 16:04

I don't have any grandchildren yet. I didn't realize one could buy them!

Seriously, my children are in their mid twenties. Their grandparents always buy them Christmas and birthday presents. It never occurred to me that they would stop at a certain point!

Tigger18 · 12/12/2025 16:19

I was going to say never but seeing as you don't get any acknowledgement or even a card for your birthday and Christmas I'd stop now 💐

Boomer55 · 12/12/2025 16:20

Maggie2408 · 12/12/2025 14:20

For years I have bought Christmas and birthday gifts for grandchildren spending a £100 on each gift. Grandchildren are now in 20’s have never ever received a birthday or Christmas card from them . We want to cut back what we give, what would be acceptable ? Thank you

God knows - mine are mid 20’s and I’m still buying. 🙄😂

Hesma · 12/12/2025 16:23

Honestly it bugs me how much store old people put by cards… they’re a pain in the arse to send!

Buy new grandkids on eBay!

EmpressaurusKitty · 12/12/2025 16:23

Your GCs are being rather shitty. I started buying presents for my DGM once I was living independently & they should be doing the same thing.

Even if they can only afford a box of chocolates it’s the principle.

Hollowvoice · 12/12/2025 16:23

If you can buy grandchildren does that mean you can also return them?
Does the return policy apply to children too?

Asking for a friend

Miyagi99 · 12/12/2025 16:51

Maggie2408 · 12/12/2025 14:20

For years I have bought Christmas and birthday gifts for grandchildren spending a £100 on each gift. Grandchildren are now in 20’s have never ever received a birthday or Christmas card from them . We want to cut back what we give, what would be acceptable ? Thank you

I would never stop but a token gift or less money is fine once they’re adults. I would never expect a gift from relatives in return either.

cramptramp · 12/12/2025 17:00

Your grandchildren sound really rude but I’d blame their parents for that. I’d stop buying for them.

Tulipsriver · 12/12/2025 17:04

Never? I'm in my 30's with children of my own and my granny still buys me a Christmas present.

I do buy her something back now though. I think I probably started once I'd left home and my mum stopped adding my name to her gift.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 12/12/2025 17:09

Did their parents not facilitate gifts to you from the grandchildren when they were younger? I find that quite odd tbh.

My grandparents never stopped buying for me, and my own parents won't ever stop buying for dd. I don't have my own gc yet, but can't imagine I would ever stop buying for them either, if they existed!Grin

However, it is completely normal in our family for the younger members to reciprocate by buying gifts for their elders. If this isn't the norm for your gc, then I think it would be fair enough to pull back.

They sound thoughtless and ungrateful tbh. I'm sorry!

hattie43 · 12/12/2025 17:11

I’d only cut back because they make no effort with you . Any grandchild who is thankful I’d not cut back .

PrimSec · 12/12/2025 17:18

It's the fact your presents are not acknowledged and that you're not even sent a card on special occasions that would make me want to stop in your shoes.

As a PP remarked, I always find it unfair when someone stops traditions for all in one go, as the eldest grandchild has had potentially many more years than the youngest (and I say this as an eldest child!).

I'd pick an age to stop at and then do so gradually for them all. Personally I'd just take it down to a token gift (or just a card) at that point, rather than stopping altogether. Obviously you'd have to make them aware that it's because they've reached a particular milestone, not that you're singling them out from the rest.

euff · 12/12/2025 17:20

I didn’t know my grandparents (died before I was born) but my dad actually gives more now than he ever did to me and his grandchildren. I have told him he doesn’t need to do these things but he likes to do it and can afford it but me and the kids always say thank you. He doesn’t want us to buy him anything. Nothing wrong with reducing or stopping if you want but might be a good idea to give a heads up to them or their parents?

OSTMusTisNT · 12/12/2025 17:23

Kids in our family generally only get a token gesture once they reach 21 e.g nice tin of biscuits or meal voucher for couples.

Definitely wouldn't be spending £100 on someone who doesn't even send me a card. I stopped buying for my grown up nieces, their partners and kids a few years ago as I never hear from them from one year to the next. I started putting extra into my Xmas donation to the local cat home instead.

As I don't have daughters I had intended passing all my jewellery onto my nieces but that won't be happening now either.

2chocolateoranges · 12/12/2025 17:26

Both grandparents on my side bought gifts until the day they died. One of my grans died 3 years ago and im nearly 50.

My mum still buys for my children and they are in their early 20s, eldest is earning good money but my mum still buys for him. I dont imagine her ever not buying for them.