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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is your family is snobby when it comes to homemade dishes

487 replies

Calgator · 12/12/2025 11:31

My in laws are very snobby when it comes to homemade food.

When I say snobby they wouldn’t judge a single mum relying on something pre made for example but when it comes to the stuff they eat they massively favour homemade stuff. I just find it amusing tbh! They all get VERY excited when someone brings over homemade bread and desserts. Wanting to know what recipe/method you chose. All birthday cakes are homemade. I swear a cake from Tesco would sit completely unopened in the fridge.

There is one vegetarian family member and my sister in law is going to make an entire veggie wellington just for him. I suggested just getting something from M&S and she completely baulked at the very idea. Tbf everyone is a good cook.

It definitely stems from MIL. Who grows her own food, makes chutneys etc. They would never dream of shoving in an Indian selection from Waitrose as starters like my family doesx

I just find it fascinating tbh.

Anyone else have family like this? Even croissants are homemade!

OP posts:
HildegardP · 12/12/2025 19:48

Franpie · 12/12/2025 18:04

Very good cooks can throw a meal together in next to no time.

I look in the fridge and get overwhelmed. DH on the other hand can manage to throw together a really lovely meal from a pretty bare fridge and store cupboard without breaking a sweat in under 30 mins plus enjoy the process.

You don't even have to be a particularly good cook, you just have to have a vague idea of what goes together. I just had a What Needs Using? meal comprising pasta with garlic, a few mushrooms, half a bag of rocket & the last dollop of nduja in the jar, all cooked in olive oil & made silky with a couple of spoonfuls of pasta water. Took about 2 minutes longer than the pasta needed to cook (11 minutes) & was delicious.

RabbitMakingMochi · 12/12/2025 19:52

You're getting a lot of flak on here OP, but I think I know where you're coming from. My parents-in-law are divorced and I've noticed their approach to food when we see them is quite different.

Scenario A: My in-laws on one side really value home cooked meals. There is a lot of discussion about the provenance of ingredients, the recipes, it is presented beautifully, it is very lovely.

Scenario B: My in-laws on the other side are happy to serve up shop bought food. They are busy and presumably don't see cooking and food as a hobby. They get in some supermarket food when we go round and often we help ourselves buffet style. There is always plenty to choose from.

OK the food is definitely healthier in Scenario A. I very much appreciate the effort made and enjoy the home cooked food. But I have to say I have a fondness for Scenario B. Our get togethers seem more about chat and catching up rather than focusing on what we're eating.

And certainly when we host, I feel under much less pressure when hosting the scenario B side of the family.

I do recognise this is from my own lack of confidence with cooking. I cook from scratch almost every evening at home and it usually tastes good! But I feel anxious about cooking for guests, and feel happier knowing that I can offer them a shop bought dessert for example, without it being thought of as "mass produced crap." My husband also isn't a keen cook. We don't invite side A round nearly as much as we probably should because it just seems stressful.

Now our own children are adults, I enjoy cooking for them and their partners when they come round. But I always tell them, I don't want them to feel under pressure to cook when we go round to theirs. I'd much rather have a supermarket pizza with them than not see them because they don't have time or just can't be bothered to cook a delicious fresh healthy meal for us. (They do both enjoy cooking however!)

Backonthesiteafsin · 12/12/2025 19:53

It seems to me that the OP is the snobby one, looking down on her in laws. Also her assumption that a single parent would invariably feed her children shop bought food is so narrow minded. I think I'd get on better with and be better fed by her in-laws any day of the week.

Daygloboo · 12/12/2025 19:55

Calgator · 12/12/2025 11:31

My in laws are very snobby when it comes to homemade food.

When I say snobby they wouldn’t judge a single mum relying on something pre made for example but when it comes to the stuff they eat they massively favour homemade stuff. I just find it amusing tbh! They all get VERY excited when someone brings over homemade bread and desserts. Wanting to know what recipe/method you chose. All birthday cakes are homemade. I swear a cake from Tesco would sit completely unopened in the fridge.

There is one vegetarian family member and my sister in law is going to make an entire veggie wellington just for him. I suggested just getting something from M&S and she completely baulked at the very idea. Tbf everyone is a good cook.

It definitely stems from MIL. Who grows her own food, makes chutneys etc. They would never dream of shoving in an Indian selection from Waitrose as starters like my family doesx

I just find it fascinating tbh.

Anyone else have family like this? Even croissants are homemade!

My mum was a great cook and i just think that good home cooked food tastes better. And particularly niw when mist restsurant food us judt geated up, and supermarket foid is horrible unless you pay a fortune. But you cant beat home cooked.

DBD1975 · 12/12/2025 20:11

ChocolateCinderToffee · 12/12/2025 18:38

What a ridiculous comment. Why are you trying to put words in someone else's mouth?

I don't expect them to cook a separate meal for me (not that they offer) I have always catered for myself and happy to do so.
If I spent hours cooking it myself they would probably be OK with it, it's the fact it is a ready meal they object to!
I work ridiculous hours and don't have time to cook but they look down their noses at me and treat me like a second class citizen.
It doesn't bother me as I have got used to it over the years but I sympathise with OP.

Potteryclass1 · 12/12/2025 20:32

It’s not snobby! It’s economical and intelligent. I am not well off and I home cook because it’s healthy and saves money. M&S stuff is all pastry and no filling.

AirborneElephant · 12/12/2025 20:36

Cherrytree86 · 12/12/2025 18:00

All of you people who make ‘everything’ homemade from scratch- where do you get the time?? To buy all the different ingredients, make it all, cook it,clear up etc? Do you have time to do other stuff that contributes to good health as well such as going to the gym?

I can do a very wide variety of dishes in less than fifteen minutes start to table. Pasta dishes, stir fries, grilled / pan fried meat or fish, noodle soup, fajitas ect. Another set take longer to cook but only 5/10 mins prep like tray bakes. I batch cook bolognaise, chilli, curries, stews so only have to cook those one time in four and they’re ready when I’m tired or busy. I think it helps that I have a full cupboard of spices and pantry ingredients and know what I can easily throw together.

I do sometimes enjoy cooking more elaborate dishes and taking time to do baking ect, it’s enjoyable and relaxing for me. but like most people I’m busy and I don’t think fresh cooked food takes any more effort most days.

BlackCatFanClub · 12/12/2025 20:38

My MIL was upset that I made cottage pie, I should have bought Asda Smartprice one apparently- nicer and better according to her.
She was very very upset when I made pastry. She didn’t understand why anyone would when you can buy it.

CurlewKate · 12/12/2025 21:05

Cherrytree86 · 12/12/2025 18:00

All of you people who make ‘everything’ homemade from scratch- where do you get the time?? To buy all the different ingredients, make it all, cook it,clear up etc? Do you have time to do other stuff that contributes to good health as well such as going to the gym?

How long do you think it takes to produce a meal?

BufferingAgain · 12/12/2025 21:11

All this ‘you don’t have time’ stuff is a myth sold to us by the UPF industry. We’ve been bombarded for years by ads showing that cooking is a ‘waste’ of our time, when we could be ‘living’ instead.

Now I’m sure there are some single mums working full time as nurses - fair enough. But I’d wager the weekly phone usage of some of the other time poor would often be several hours a day. Which is fine if you really don’t want to cook but I do think we’ve been brainwashed by fast food companies to do think it’s this massive chore.

pilates · 12/12/2025 21:19

I wouldn’t call it snobby.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/12/2025 21:28

RenatasHouse · 12/12/2025 17:20

Well it's not the same standard of food and lifestyle is it?

Right, so you agree they're snobby.

AlwaysAnExcuseForEverything · 12/12/2025 22:12

My MIL prides herself on everything being home cooked but IMO a lot of the stuff she makes is bloody horrible. For example, flat mince pies consisting of undercooked, unsweetened pastry with a smear of gritty mincemeat on top. Give me a Tesco's Finest mince pie with short, buttery pastry any day!

3beastiesandme · 12/12/2025 22:24

I wouldn’t dream of offering to bring pudding and turning up with something in a packet. I grew up with most foods cooked from scratch and continued to do so with my children. Food is very much my love language so I think nothing of spending half a day stocking up the fridge/freezer.

3beastiesandme · 12/12/2025 22:27

BufferingAgain · 12/12/2025 21:11

All this ‘you don’t have time’ stuff is a myth sold to us by the UPF industry. We’ve been bombarded for years by ads showing that cooking is a ‘waste’ of our time, when we could be ‘living’ instead.

Now I’m sure there are some single mums working full time as nurses - fair enough. But I’d wager the weekly phone usage of some of the other time poor would often be several hours a day. Which is fine if you really don’t want to cook but I do think we’ve been brainwashed by fast food companies to do think it’s this massive chore.

I’m not a single mum but I am a nurse and I have always cooked from scratch. It entirely depends what you prioritise. I choose to cook from scratch as I care about what I eat and I am feeding my children. There is a lot of lost skills/confidence in cooking and baking with the rise of convenience foods.

3beastiesandme · 12/12/2025 22:33

Whatifitallgoesright · 12/12/2025 11:40

It's mainly an issue of time isn't it? Are these home-cooking people also doing full-time jobs, most of the housework, shopping and childcare? I think it's a bit nasty to be judging someone for bringing something shop-bought.

Yes. Except I get a food delivery 🤣

Elektra1 · 12/12/2025 22:38

You find it “fascinating” that people prefer home made food to ready made UPF? You sound like the “snobby” one, not them. It’s hardly news that food cooked from scratch is (assuming it’s not deep fried chicken or similar) better for you (and better for your purse) than pre-made ready meals and sliced white bread full of preservatives and fillers.

I work full time in a demanding senior job as a single mum to 3 kids and cook everything from scratch, Including bread. I wouldn’t dream of buying a cake. That is just my preference because I value good, nutritious food for my family. It’s quicker to knock a spaghetti carbonara or similar together than order a takeaway at the end of the day.

I was looking at the cakes in the bakery section in Tesco earlier and they’re about £20 for something which looks ok but which I know (having sampled them elsewhere) taste rubbish. I can make a lovely birthday cake for less than half that price.

PurpleCoo · 12/12/2025 22:41

Cherrytree86 · 12/12/2025 18:00

All of you people who make ‘everything’ homemade from scratch- where do you get the time?? To buy all the different ingredients, make it all, cook it,clear up etc? Do you have time to do other stuff that contributes to good health as well such as going to the gym?

My pantry is well stocked. If I need new ingredients they just get picked up when I next go shopping.

I batch cook soups/lunches and main meals. I have just been ill for a week and didn't really need to cook much, as I just used up meals in the freezer.

I go to the gym 4 times a week, sometimes doing doubles, i.e. back to back classes or a class followed by a 60 minute swim. I walk my dog every day for at least 90 minutes.

I work 4 days a week and also doing a post doctoral course at uni.

I balance my life with positive mental health activities too, e.g mindful crafts/activities, sound bath classes, socialising with friends family, travel a lot, camping, hiking etc

InlandTaipan · 12/12/2025 22:45

Cherrytree86 · 12/12/2025 18:00

All of you people who make ‘everything’ homemade from scratch- where do you get the time?? To buy all the different ingredients, make it all, cook it,clear up etc? Do you have time to do other stuff that contributes to good health as well such as going to the gym?

Um, yes, sure? Cooking from scratch doesn't have to be complicated or particularly time consuming unless you are literally comparing it to putting a ready meal in the microwave. I mean, very few people go as far as churning their own butter.

Psychologymam · 12/12/2025 23:02

Gwenhwyfar · 12/12/2025 17:02

I find shop bought better, in general. The quality is more reliable.
Obviously, I can also appreciate a cake someone has made 'with love'.
Where I live, you'd generally buy a cake from a patisserie anyway rather than a supermarket and they're usually better than what a random person can make.

Shop better for everything, all types of food - taste, price, amount of processed ingredients? I just don’t see how that’s possible for all meals.

CypressGrove · 12/12/2025 23:06

Calgator · 12/12/2025 11:37

My other sil who also married in thinks it comes from a place of insecurity. I wouldn’t necessarily say that. But it’s amusing that she’s psychoanalysed this compulsive desire for homemade food.

It's incredibly strange to be pathologising a preference for home made food. Home made food has been the norm throughout most of time and still is in many countries.

GlomOfNit · 12/12/2025 23:37

90% YABU - good old MN! Grin

OP, it's not 'snobbery' to care about food - how it tastes, how processed it is, where the ingredients come from. Lots of people care like this and it's not always a class/wealth marker, either. Where they might be 'snobby' is if they sneer at other people's food choices or go on a bit too much about their home-baked croissants ...

Supermarket cakes are generally made from crap, taste crap and too sweet, and last long enough that they don't even need to be kept in the fridge, BTW.

AbbaCadaBra · 13/12/2025 02:44

CurlewKate · 12/12/2025 21:05

How long do you think it takes to produce a meal?

And many people exercise at home these days. It’s cheaper. So is cooking your own dinner.

Alittlewordinyourear · 13/12/2025 07:30

Not sure you understand the word “snobby” or your judgemental SIL “insecurity” . I try to make everything from scratch, started when my now adult kids were babies and I wanted to avoid e numbers and additives. Now my adult kids are the same . We all share recipes cookbooks and enjoy eating and cooking. What I find snobby is looking down your nose at people who prefer not to “prick and ping” or feed their baby a pouch of

Mothership4two · 13/12/2025 08:46

They sound more like they are 'foodies' than snobs. And home made food tastes much better than bought.

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