It’s not considered appropriate for men to comment on my body, so why do female colleagues think they can?

[Colleaguecomments]

It was my work Christmas party last night. I am wondering if IABU to take offence to this conversation.

Female colleague complimented my weight loss/work at the gym. Another female colleague then did similar.

Two of my male colleagues were present and one of them (drunk) then made a lewd comment, no doubt intended to be a compliment, which I didn’t appreciate.

But he wouldn’t have said anything if my female colleagues didn’t mention this in the first place. It’s not the first time I’ve overheard such conversations over the years either.

So I suppose my question is - why is it seemingly acceptable for women to comment on each others bodies, but not for men? Surely it’s inappropriate either way when it’s uninvited.

Did the female colleague compliment your actual body? Like your legs/bum/stomach etc ?
If yes I’d say it’s it’s a bit personal but presumably it wasn’t delivered in a lewd /sexual way with the intention of objectifying you.
If no it was more a general you look great/ well etc then I’d say that’s fine.
The man who made the lewd comment is gross and he should know better regardless of the conversation topic. Blaming the women for his choices is poor.

But the reason it is different for men than women is because of the misogyny/assault etc women receive from men every day. Lewd comments/ogling are the bottom rung of the ladder. It’s a clearer line if all of its unacceptable less room for ‘misunderstanding’

Yeah she was generic at first then specifically said about my legs and bum and what I was wearing being flattering, which prompted the further comment.

It really depends on the comments. If they were along the lines of 'wow, you look great' I don't think that's an issue, from males or females. I don't think it's fair to say those sorts of comments lead to lewd comments from others.

I get this at work from women alot. Lots of comments about my bust and my bum. In fact last time I was in a female colleague slapped it! I cba to make a deal out of it but it is annoying as I hate that kind of attention. Funnily enough no men dare comment the way women do!

A comment by a female that you've lost weight is not comparable to a lewd comment from a man. It is a bit odd that you are suggesting that the man wouldn't have made the comment if not for the women's previous comments. One is gross and inappropriate, especially from a colleague, and if I were you would be reporting that to HR.
But yes, it's probably best not to make personal comments whether you are male or female, as they can clearly be unwanted even if they are well-intended.

I think yabu

Men will be men and their actions are their own. The women were being nice to you.

My point is that he wouldn’t have approached me out of the blue to tell me I have a “fucking great arse”. He said that after hearing colleagues commenting on my body.

Why are you excusing him?

You dont know that he wouldn't.

He is in the wrong, not the initial person who said you looked great. Stop making excuses for the letch.

You don't know that. And it is actually quite telling that you found a way to blame a woman for a man's behaviour.

Did you miss the part where she said the women said it first? They specifically commented on her bum.

Both the women and the men were lewd and gross and I would report them to HR for inappropriate comments.

Stop blaming women for a letch's comments!

Quite

In which case both are equally responsible. And yet the OP seems to suggest that the man would have been able to control his urges to comment had it not been for a woman speaking up first. I know, it's a subtle difference but it's there.

If you want to report - then report both of them. Both were inappropriate. 🤷‍♀️

You can't bloody win! Friends who have lost weight get really upset when people don't notice.
The women were complimenting you. It how women break the ice in conversations or initiate conversations. They open with a compliment and the other women usually bats it off. It's a well understood rhythm of female communication. The man, on the other hand was a pervy letch and this is also socially well understood!
Women can compliment other women on their physic and men are being creepy if they do it!
Stop blaming women for men's behaviour! He knew what he was doing!

"You look great" - good
"Your body part looks good" - bad

Of course he blamed a women for his own stupid, pervy behaviour 🙄 always the fault of a female, right? They push men into everything.

In addition, if any woman went to HR complaining about another woman complimenting them I would assume she was utterly insane and would give her a very wide berth in the office.

Exactly. It doesn’t matter that a woman made it easier for him to say something inappropriate.
She was saying something genuinely complimentary (at least in her eyes) with no ulterior motive. Poorly judged perhaps. But he went straight into lewd and inappropriate. That’s clearly on him.

it doesn't really matter why he said it, he CHOSE to say it. You're blaming women for mens behaviour.

yes it is probably better to not make personal comments on people's body unless you're very close and you know they won't mind. but that doesn't make his lewd comment her fault

Better to be looked over than overlooked, OP.

I would feel awkward if a mixed group were commenting on parts of my body. Don't think there's any greater theory behind that situation.

Give it a rest. One of those behaviours is offensive and the offender is responsible for that. The other is a compliment. You know that but for some reason you are trying to tie yourself in knots trying to make a man’s behaviour a woman’s problem. You really need to ask yourself why do you do that.

Women are traditionally responsible for men’s bad behaviour.

Ultimately blaming a woman for instigating a man’s inappropriate comments is quite the stretch.

I have absolutely no problem if a woman compliments my figure.