To think a late invite isn’t a proper invite and to decline on that basis?

[whinch]

Aibu?

My mum sends invites out and you can bet she will forget a few people.
Including her own kids.
So she sends more invites out nothing wrong with it.
Its just not everyone can think of everything and everyone.
As a pp as said why do so many people now get offended with the simplest things.
making a mountain out of a mole heap.

I dunno.....if I was feeling really pissy, I'd go and do my best shark grin at the organiser.

YANBU. Late invitations are very rude except under certain circumstances: for example once I invited a friend of mine to the ballet because my other friend was unwell: there was no a or b list, I just didn't want to go on my own and I was offering the ticket free. It wasn't a case of preferring the friend who filled in to the friend who dropped out, as it was an evening out, not a party.

Seriously? You think that if you are not at the forefront of someone else's decision making then it is some kind of offence? You seriously can't envisage a situation whereby the organiser claps their hand to their head and thinks "Shit, I've forgotten to invite so and so!" and so then remedies it by GASP! issuing a late invitation!

Here's some news - you might not be the centre of the universe, and sometimes people forget even close friends if they are busy and organising something.

Don't be silly, that's no way to organise invitations. Only very scatty people would do it that way.

Do you want to go? Go.

Do you not want to go? Don't go.

Do you want to have a strop and complain on Mumsnet but do fuck all about it in real life? Congrats, you're already there.

Seems an overly negative attitude to me. I'd be delighted with a last minute invite for a place that's usually booked up. Surely that just means they arranged it with someone else and now they can't go so you're the next people they thought of? which is surely not a bad thing? Unless they have some habit of always making you feel second best or a fallback, it seems a bit harsh to refuse on those grounds.

I've always found assuming the best of people serves me better than I see people faring who frequently seem to find a reason to critique people's behaviour without good grounds. Not saying you're like that, as I said, I don't know if there's history here that might give you good reason to feel annoyed.

Sums it up nicely.

That's all a bit over the top and dramatic ! so if you had 5 good friends that you
invited for breakfast 1 dropped out you would go through your contacts last minute to fill the space ?

People are giving different answers as so little info, but from what I can eventually gather is a group of friends agreed to meet for a meal, something you’re sure there was no late availability for, so had to book ages ago, then they realised either they forgot to invite you or had a spare place and asked if you wish to join? And uou feel like it’s a pity invite and they don’t really want you there, so yes sure, decline.

none of us can tell you if the place had late avails. No one can say it’s a pity invite or not. What I can say is we often have to put ourselves out there, and that no one there would be thinking about it being a late invite.

This isn’t the situation

Wouldn’t bother me. I got invited to a kids bday party 2 days before last week - clearly to make up the numbers. We happily went!

I am with pp genuine last minute invites, spontaneous events etc I would definitely go. Something that’s been planned well in advance and I didn’t make the cut the first time, and I’m just padding - no. It’s really rude. My time is too important to waste on this kind of superficiality.

I was so embarrassed for my niece at her wedding when chatting to some of her guests, they had called themselves the Z list table of After thought. They had been invited at the last minute because the original guests had pulled out. They got very drunk and very loud, and I wouldn’t say they were wholly pleased to be there. It wasn’t pleasant.

I think if people can’t make it and cancel, you quietly remove their place settings and you continue on with your event, you certainly don’t make others feel second best in this way by inviting them at the last minute.

No indeed. It actually couldn't be less OTT or dramatic if you think about it.
Because I wouldn't be dwelling and becoming upset and offended and fussing about whether to go or not. I'd simply say 'great, see you there' or 'sorry, can't make it' depending on whether I wanted to go. I'm struggling to see how I could create less drama than that..?
And no, I wouldn't go through my contacts to replace a breakfast guest. There's nothing in my post to suggest that. I'm talking about my personal view on receiving a late invitation.

This separates the glass half empties from
the glass half fullers!

”Oooh I’ve been invited to a champagne breakfast I’ll get my coat”

”I’m a second round invite. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on”

I was invited to a wedding at 4pm and the wedding was the next day. Someone dropped out and I was single so got called up. I was fine with it!

Yup!

Even in the silliest circumstances of 'the bride and groom just wanted to make up the numbers and I wasn't first choice' it's like, sure, but I get a free meal and I'll be sitting with my other friends who made a higher cut and having a few drinks and a laugh?

I've had an absolute hoot as a last minute guest and find it awfully prissy and self-involved to snitch amongst whether you were in the first lot of invites or not.

Even the first lot of invites will have "top tier" guests with whom you'd have checked the date with Vs people you invited hoping you were free. So it's not even like the there's not a tier where you were automatically equal anyway? It's bloody weird to pretend that people don't have different levels of friendships!

It depends entirely how close you are to the person doing the inviting. If you are just casual friends then I’ll get my coat is a fun response, if you are good friends and should really have been invited initially then not so much! It’s dependent on the friendship I think.

Weddings esp can be boring. I’m not sure I would be rushing to go!

You are being a bit precious.

go if you want to. Don’t if you don’t. No need to be sniffy about it.

Love it. 😻

It honestly wouldn’t bother me

And life is so much better if you are the first camp and go and enjoy yourself, rather than miss out and stew over it. And you won’t be invited next time.

id go and have fun, who gives a shit if you were a last min invite, they didn’t need to invite you at all.

Sounds very much like you are seeking drama.

Firstly deciding whether or not to attend and event because of the perceived slight of not being invited early enough, rather than making the decision on whether you want to go or not.

Then starting a thread with little information about the situation and refusing to add any (your prerogative) but then getting annoyed when people are assuming things. It's just attention seeking. Like when people post of Facebook "I'm so angry" with no context, hoping people will chime in with "You alright hun?"

YABVU.

I very much enjoyed a wedding where we had a phone call on the evening of the night before asking us if we'd like to go as someone else was ill. We were free, and liked the couple, and their family, why wouldn't we go ??

Is at age thing? Post 50 I care so much less about stuff like this and am glad if I’m invited at all!

You could have avoided all that drama if you had started with, and stick to (I quote) I am genuinely busy