To think a late invite isn’t a proper invite and to decline on that basis?

[whinch]

Aibu?

It depends what it is, who it's from, why you're looking for the insult, why the invitation was delayed.

If it's something I'd enjoy with people I like, I'd go. If not I wouldn't. Same as any invitation.

I don't understand the issue really?

They were meant to be going out for food with someone. For whatever reason, those plans fell through and they thought "Ooh, I know, I'll invite @whinch !"

Surely that shows that they like you and want to spend time with you? I don't understand why you'd take offence to that personally.

Do you think someone has cancelled on them? If you don't want to go that's fair.

Are you upset that you’re not as high up on their list as they would be on your list? Or is your pride just wounded?

Probably but don’t base your decision on that - do what’s best for you.

You clearly have declined and feel rubbish about the late invite so YANBU, your feelings are valid.

Times I have accepted a late invite:

1. Friend texts and says hi I’m a bit bored today do you fancy going to the pictures? I was free and fancied it so I went.
2. Friend’s very small wedding, it was family only so no invite, last minute a family member pulled out, I suppose I was “on the reserve list” and got invited. I understood about their limited budget and went along.
3. i asked friend if she wanted to meet up over half term, she replied that she was sorry but she was busy then 24 hours later text back saying actually how about tomorrow afternoon…I accepted as it sounded like she had thought about it and moved things around to make space for me.

times I have not accepted

1. happened to be in the middle of a conversation with a “friend group” realised that they had all made a plan for a meal out the next day…embarrassed they said “ Rainbow are you coming too?”
2. Not invited to the wedding but invited to the hen do, spent time and effort at the hen do making arrangements, giving lifts etc. no problem, assumed the wedding was small-budget etc. Discovered at the hen do that it was a large, church hall, buffet type party with no real restriction on numbers. When the bride realised that I knew this she tried to style it out by saying “oh yes of course you’re welcome to come”

so yes it depends on context and your feelings about the invite and the person really.

one last one, I was invited somewhere as a new mum by accident. She sent the text to me instead of somebody else by accident. I replied “ha ha this one’s not for me Sheila” and she then said (again in embarrassment) oh but you should come it would be great to see you!!
I was bored on Mat leave so I went along, I had a blast and we’re still friends almost 15 years later.

Would you have wanted to go if they'd invited you earlier?

If yes, and you're free, and you're purely saying no because you're offended that you weren't first choice then you're cutting your nose off to spite your face.

For all you know it was someone else who invited them and now can't make it so told them to use the reservation.

Or it was a family meet up that's been cancelled.

Or any number of other things that are nothing to do with your place in the pecking order.

It’s cutting off nose to spite face if you actually will
enjoy going.

If you don’t want to go, dont go.

If it’s less than 24 hours they probably have to pay for the empty place. I would reply, saying in so many words ‘Sorry but I can’t help you out this time.’

I would accept in your first three scenarios for sure.

This late invite feels much like the first example in your second set.

Eh, perhaps they weren’t sure if they would absolutely want company for breakfast? And now they do. Sometimes plans change last minute, why does that have to be such an offence to you?

I would absolutely hate if my friends were like this. With us we can always cancel, rain check, or “hey, last minute but I actually now have a spare ticket” without all throwing tantrums at each other for not being considered even earlier.

You’ve now been considered, you’ve been invited. You’re being a drama queen.

Posts like this are so annoying. Why don't you just actually explain the situation if you want people to comment instead of a one word post and even more annoying updates.
Go or don't go, it's up to you.

You’ve made many incorrect assumptions here.

ive been deliberately thin with information because i hate the idea of one of the group recognising me.

This really lacks context. Is it a group of friends that you think have arranged something without you and just invited you now they've realised/someone has cancelled?

Sounds like you should ask why they asked you at all, not why they asked you late 😂

So it’s a group thing and all of a sudden someone has gone “oh shit we forgot to invite @whinch?”

I think it is wise, you are not really wanting drama just an "ear" or a vent, if you feel hurt you feel hurt. So you can either take a deep breath and go or just leave them to it.

Go if you think you’ll enjoy it. Cancel if you cba or have other plans.

You can’t complain about incorrect assumptions when you are deliberately withholding information.

I’d just ask myself if I would enjoy the company and the venue and decide on that basis.

Thank you.

I’ve declined- I am genuinely busy. I also believe the person who organised it wouldn’t be pleased if I turned up anyway. I think a friend was inviting me to be kind.

Is the person organising a Queen Bee by any chance?

Context is important but it wouldn’t offend me. Even if I was a last minute invite if I wanted to go and see the person.

do people genuinely live their life with petty drama like that? I expect that from primary school girls, but surely you overgrow that after a while?

I'd go on that basis alone just to see their face...

Probably trying to include you just do something with your friend another time.