Not sure if I’m being rude but there so many people I just can’t be bothered to speak to anymore

[OrangeCatKitten]

Like when you’re on a walk or you go to your local shop etc and you always bump into people you know, like old school mums etc, and they always seem so fake and bitchy and I just don’t want to tell them anything about my life, even though it’s going well, I just don’t want to let them in on anything

so I just smile and say hello and keep on walking and then they look really shocked and annoyed like I’ve blanked them

I’ve also stopped using social media,mainly because so much of it felt fake and it was a waste of time, for 18 months now so I feel there’s alot of them people that weren’t really friends more friendly acquaintances that seem desperate to know what’s going on in my life and my kids life etc

im not sure if it perimenopause or what it I’m getting more grinch like as I get older
but I just can’t be arsed with alotnof people anymore

but when smile and say hello but keep on walking, someone then their jaw hits the floor in shock like I’m so rude

but perhaps we knew each other from primary school days and our eldest kids are now adults and I’m talking about ex colleagues and just random people like that

If you have jumped from chatty to almost blanking people that’s a big character shift ? Are you otherwise ok?

Who cares? If you want to be antisocial own it

Yes my life is actually going really well.
and my kids are doing well

Do you actually think it come across as blanking people, I mean I do smile and say hello
but I do also carry on walking when they are have stopped, like they expect me to stop

when they will proceed to ask how’s Everything is going and how the kids are and what they are upto and how’s the cat etc…

I think it’s ok OP. As you get older you realise you just don’t want to put your energy into some people.
You’re not blanking them or ignoring them

If you used to stop and chat and now don’t it will come across as blanking then

its your behaviour change that is off

I will smile and say hello
but I notice some people actually physically stop as if they are expecting me to also stop
then they looked shocked that I don’t also stop

So do you think that’s rude then ?

This is just rude.

What’s rude not stopping ?

Yes, of course it is. How do you not realise this?

You seem to lack social awareness.

You’ll be on here in five years asking why it’s so hard to make friends in your 40s.

I agree that small talk can feel pointless but it’s the foundation of friendships and connections. Do it; don’t do it, whatever - but don’t be surprised if people start leaving you out. And I’ve read enough threads on here about people’s KIDS being left out too.

To be honest I wish it would be more socially acceptable to say things like ‘sorry I don’t want to stop and chat, but it’s nice to see you!’ ‘Sorry I don’t feel like chatting today, I’m not feeling sociable. Have a lovely day!’

Or maybe like a traffic light system badge. Red, expect a quick smile and a hello to be polite. Amber, a ‘how are you?’ Oh lovely, must go, bye!’ Or green, stop and have a proper conversation.

I also wish I could tell my hairdresser that I’d appreciate a bit of peace and quiet and she wouldn’t take offence. I come away from there with my ears buzzing and my head full of her musings on things that I don’t care about.

It’s a big reason I work predominantly with children. I appreciate the bluntness when they can just tell you they don’t feel like doing something or they’re bored of talking!

If you smile and say hello of course you aren’t rude BUT if you used to stop and have a 20 minute chat every time and now you don’t people will notice that.
Maybe add something like “sorry, can’t stop, got to be at xyz place in 10 minutes” if you feel like people are finding it rude (if you care) they’ll eventually get the message

Yes. If you don’t want to stop and chat just politely make up an excuse. “Sorry! Can’t stop - on my way to the doctors!” As you wave and carry on with your day.

But I do smile and say hello, so I’m not blanking them, why should I feel obliged to stop and chat and tell them what I’m upto and what my kids are upto etc
when really they are just someone that I used to know…. Like maybe 7 plus years ago

Its fine. Especially with nobbers.
What will happen though is you might miss out on making new friendships with old acquaintances and your social circle will shrink.
You might be happy with this though so up to you.

@OrangeCatKitten I do exactly the same! Since my kids went to secondary I have stopped making an effort with almost all the primary mums I bump into except two who I had/have a deeper connection to. When kids are in primary you have to be super social on order for them to have playdates and thrive (atleast it felt that way- and also you meet the same people everyday so obviously you chit chat infront of the school gate).

I really don't have anything to say- we were never friends but just in the same physical place for some years. I do smile, say hello how are you and then move on. If they think that's rude well.. I try to look like I'm in a hurry which I am most of the time anyway.

Like you OP I can't be arsed lose my time on making conversation with superficial acquaintances. If that's antisocial behaviour (don't think it is) then so be it.

Smiling and waving is of course fine, but if they physically stop to talk to you, you should at least acknowledge that and say “sorry, can’t stop right now”. Just leaving them hanging is rude.

On my way home the other day, I saw an ex colleague walking towards my house, she knows it’s my house and was relaly staring at it. Like staring up at the upstairs windows and her head was literally tilled right back up and she was doing it for ages not just a quick glance and I was coming from a different direction so I saw her doing this….. anyway I thought I’ll slow down my pace so I don’t bump into her, but she clocked me. And stopped

so as I got closer to the house, well my house, I said sorry I can’t stop I’m dropping off this milk for DH then I’m taking mum to the drs, which was true, yet she still proceeded to stand there and ask me loads of questions. How are we all, what are we doing for the summer, and how did my eldest get on with their exams….
i swear it’s just being nosey, it’s sure how it comes across

I would be the same, bright smile and wave as I move briskly on, but I wouldn't have ever really stopped after primary if they weren't the nice parents of friends of the children.
I have no interest whatsoever innfalse nosy people so studiously avoid.
All is well with me and my children are doing very well in life, but unless we were friendly acquaintances previously, I have absolutely no interest in stopping.
I don't like nosy people.

@OrangeCatKitten I’d find that weird but some people can’t take a hint! Do you live somewhere that’s very community minded? Or has one big local employer or something? I can’t remember the last time I encountered this sort of situation tbh but when I was a kid we lived in a very small town and my mum had a community facing job so knew everyone - supermarket trips were a nightmare because she’d be hours chatting! Is it that sort of vibe?

I agree with this. If they have stopped to have a conversation then you need to acknowledge this and make up an excuse as to why you aren't stopping to chat, otherwise it does come across as rude.

Perhaps it’s a bit my fault as I use to do things like share my holiday pics on fb, and I think that kinda thing can make people feel like they are closer to you than they are, it gives them a false sense of your relationship

that wasn’t with ex colleague, but i did have school mum acquaintances on there…

i think it can make people think they know you more than they do…..

they are still on there but I’ve stopped using it 18months ago maybe 2 years