Not sure if I’m being rude but there so many people I just can’t be bothered to speak to anymore

[OrangeCatKitten]

Like when you’re on a walk or you go to your local shop etc and you always bump into people you know, like old school mums etc, and they always seem so fake and bitchy and I just don’t want to tell them anything about my life, even though it’s going well, I just don’t want to let them in on anything

so I just smile and say hello and keep on walking and then they look really shocked and annoyed like I’ve blanked them

I’ve also stopped using social media,mainly because so much of it felt fake and it was a waste of time, for 18 months now so I feel there’s alot of them people that weren’t really friends more friendly acquaintances that seem desperate to know what’s going on in my life and my kids life etc

im not sure if it perimenopause or what it I’m getting more grinch like as I get older
but I just can’t be arsed with alotnof people anymore

but when smile and say hello but keep on walking, someone then their jaw hits the floor in shock like I’m so rude

but perhaps we knew each other from primary school days and our eldest kids are now adults and I’m talking about ex colleagues and just random people like that

How are you all so confident that you are such sparkling company yourself? I am always baffled when people say " Oh everyone's so dull and self centred". Are you Dorothy Parker at the Algonquin?
I certainly am not!

It's honestly not about that at all, it's about just not wanting to stand there and chat to someone that isn't really in my life, and I don't really want to answer their questions because even though things are good, it's just not their business

I hope its not rude, as I don't want to be rude, that's why I smile and say hello, but keep on walking

Well then, just keep on doing that if you don't want anyone to know your business.

Aged 63 here and I have never found anyone fake and bitchy.
If you don't like them - fine
But its more real surely to just own the feeling rather than attribute it to something they are doing.

I’m relieved not to have to talk to school mums anymore, too. It was a big job, for a long time, to relate to all that. Leaving it behind was so freeing.

Well, you’d best hope your current friends don’t ditch you in a similar way one day.

They were not my friends tho, just just people I knew like on school run, 10 years ago

So how do you know they are fake and bitchy?

So how do you know they’re fake and bitchy?

It basically sounds like you think you’re too good for them now.

Now that I’m older I do this all the time. I’ve more years behind me than I have in front of me and some days I just want left alone. Have an excuse in your head to use when you meet someone you know if it’s awkward for you to keep walking.

Nothing wrong with smiling, saying hi and walking on, that's not blanking people.
I'm actually really relieved when people do this rather than try and talk to me 🤣

We're all different and if you have and will go on having enough other people in your life, that's fine.

But there are studies these days that show the importance of these "loose connections," ie links with minor acquaintances. Even small talk can be or feel like a sign of caring and shared history.

I'm at a stage where friends are starting to die, and finding these loose connections, reconnecting with people who used to be friends or colleagues but have drifted away, etc, more and more important.
This is probably even more so if you are or suddenly find yourself single, or your children have grown up, moved away and have busy lives of their own.

Because they gossip and bitch about each other, and make little digs to each other etc
that kinda thing
it’s just not genuine

Wouldn’t stay too good, but I only want to be around people that are genuine and have good souls

I don’t care if they are like catwalk models or trackie queens
fit or not
rich or not
what job they have or business they own or not

I don’t care about any of that stuff
but I do care that they are genuine and real and not fake
that’s really my only real deal breaker

Please, please, please can you run for PM and implement your traffic lights chat policy immediately. Thanks!

As much as you like to pride yourself as some kind of local enigma, OP, no-one cares.

To contribute something positive to your local community would be far more impressive. Even if that something is saying hello to a neighbour.

Carry on not stopping for a chat if you can’t be arsed, but there may come a time in your life where you miss these social interactions and wish you still had them. It doesn’t take much effort to pass the time of day with people for a few minutes and you might be doing them a favour if they are feeling lonely or fed up.

I Don’t think it’s nosiness it’s mostly polite small talk which involves asking questions about how you’re doing/your family.
I could maybe see how it would be viewed as nosiness in some ways but literally asking questions is key for a conversation imagine they came up to you, did a 5 minute monologue and walked off. It would be strange.

If you used to be chatty and smiley and now don’t bother I’d assume you were going through things in your private life same if you don’t now share things on social media.
I know it’s not a hard and fast rule but lots of people (myself included) tend to shrink a bit from the world when going through stressful times.

I know when I bump in to old school parents/colleagues it’s nice to have a small chat. I’ve liked lots of people in my life but you drift as you move through life and not many people stick and go the distance . It’s not that I’m nosey just genuinely hoping they’re doing well.

Are you reading your posts? 😳

lol, exactly. Nobody is that interested in you - they’re just being polite 😂

So you ve no time for people who aren't friends, were only vague acquaintances years ago, or who you don't want to engage with..."don't sweat it" as they say in the USA.

I know what you’re saying. I think generally the polite minimum is to stop for like 15 seconds to ask if they are okay, say how lovely it is to see them and then tell them you’re so sorry you really can’t stop (and look very sad about it) but you hope they have a lovely Christmas/easter/weekend/summer.

I echo other people here in suggesting that if this is starting to feel beyond you when it wasn’t a problem before, perhaps there are mood elements at play. Depression doesn’t need an obvious external reason. It may be a depression caused by surging and waning hormones if you’re heading into that peri- menopause stage of life.

Hormone checks are rubbish at this point because they have to do the blood test just the right time to pick things up so it’s on you to monitor your mood. Hormone induced or otherwise it doesn’t automatically mean you need therapy or medication (although nothing wrong with either). There’s lots of great stuff help out there about boosting mood. If you google CCI there’s an Australian health provider who have a lot of great self-help material.

Best of luck x

Only on Mumsnet does ‘putting yourself first’ become a rule of rudeness and hostility. I very much doubt anyone’s jaw drops, but I imagine they do think you rude. It’s called small talk. They don’t care about your life really. It’s a social niceties that makes the world turn. Make a polite excuse and move on. It’s not that deep. But remember- people you stop may feel the same about yuy