Not sure if I’m being rude but there so many people I just can’t be bothered to speak to anymore

[OrangeCatKitten]

Like when you’re on a walk or you go to your local shop etc and you always bump into people you know, like old school mums etc, and they always seem so fake and bitchy and I just don’t want to tell them anything about my life, even though it’s going well, I just don’t want to let them in on anything

so I just smile and say hello and keep on walking and then they look really shocked and annoyed like I’ve blanked them

I’ve also stopped using social media,mainly because so much of it felt fake and it was a waste of time, for 18 months now so I feel there’s alot of them people that weren’t really friends more friendly acquaintances that seem desperate to know what’s going on in my life and my kids life etc

im not sure if it perimenopause or what it I’m getting more grinch like as I get older
but I just can’t be arsed with alotnof people anymore

but when smile and say hello but keep on walking, someone then their jaw hits the floor in shock like I’m so rude

but perhaps we knew each other from primary school days and our eldest kids are now adults and I’m talking about ex colleagues and just random people like that

So if you have judged them to be “bitchy” then it makes sense that you don’t want to engage as there really is no chance of being best buddies. Maybe they are showing surprise as they are not actually doing whatever you feel is “bitchy” and you don’t know the full story and they are aware that the “ can’t stop, I’m on my way to…..” thing means that you do not like speaking with that person.

It actually puts me off going to the local shop etc
but I’m not going to our of my way to avoid it

Their reaction suggests they think you’re being rude. I imagine you care more about what they think than what anyone here thinks, so maybe the relief from not abiding by the convention of exchanging superficial chitchat is outweighed by a sense of guilt that you’ve offended someone.

I do know what you mean about the fakeness. Stopping to ask about someone’s life, someone you only see in passing, is a bit ridiculous when you think about. But I also think these pointless but friendly exchanges make communities pleasanter.

Would you really prefer it other people who have known you to some extent in the past smiled and nodded without breaking their stride? I don’t think I would. Not every time anyway. I would feel like they disliked me.

But if you don’t want to ever stop and talk for a few minutes I think you’re going to have to accept they will have their own reactions to that.

Well when I did do that with the milk it was true I do have to get my mum to an appointment

but also I really wouldn’t not have wanted to stand there and stop and talk to her right outside my house for who knows how long

No, you aren't being rude, you started putting yourself first.
A good one. 👍

I just feel a bit like I don’t owe them my time, and I don’t need or answer their questions

I guess the next time they see me they will not be expecting me to stop
so guess they will get used to it

and I do feel it’s mainly just nosey ness

also can’t take hrt for health reasons

I get it OP. But I think it can sometimes be because you’re in a bad mood. If you’re happy you radiate happiness and will be lovely to anyone you see. If you’re not having the best time you’re more likely to self preserve.
I would ask yourself what’s up? I know that I’m a bit like this at the moment because I’m stressed.

It feels like some people feel they have a right to information …
even though they are not really even in my life
crazy thing is I wouldn’t even want to tell them all the really good stuff either though as that would also feel like showing off or boasting

and I’ve got good genuine real friends in my life that I love spending time with and can talk to about anything and trust to share anything with

I actually know how you feel. I think with me it's a combination of a stressful situation I'm going through and perimenopause hormones. I don't ignore people, but with people I'm not as close to anymore, I just don't feel inclined to get into conversation like I used to.

I can honestly say it’s not that tho as things are going really well for me and my family
so I do feel full of happiness

I just don’t wanna dilute that by wasting time informing basically people from the past with my info

of I actually told them somethings that are going on it could also come across as showing off so it’s honestly not that I’m not happy

Yes it that

with people I know well and am close friends with I’m just the same

but with people that aren’t really in my life
I don’t want to give them the info they want and I don’t want to spend 20 mins in the shop chatting ….

No it's not rude at all. you've smiled and said hello, they can hardly say you've been rude. Why should you also have to stop and talk? and you shouldn't have to explain why you can't stop either.

I know exactly how you feel and I think its a combo of two things.

Firstly, I despise small talk- it's just banal shallow chat about absolutely nothing and is completely pointless and irritating. Secondly, it feels nosey when people are asking all this stuff but you arent actually close enough to them to be friends with them. You know that they arent the people who would be there for you in a crisis or would take you out for a drink when you're feeling low- they wouldn't care, so why should they have access to your life?

You arent being unreasonable at all and I think waving and smiling and walking off is fine. People should have enough social skills and self awareness to realise someone hasnt got time to chat and wave you on your merry way. You arent blanking them or telling them to fuck off so it's not rude. We dont all have time to stand around chatting about the bloody weather or whatever pointless subject is on their mind that day.

YANBU.

It's perfectly ok not to want to talk. If you wish, you could cover yourself by saying "sorry, I can't stop – I need to get back for…"

IMO this is a perfectly acceptable white lie that protects you from any onward gossip, suggesting that you're being unfriendly, rude et cetera. and in my case has been absolutely true on a number of occasions.

It sounds rude to me but on Mumsnet most people will agree with you. I enjoy catching up with people and engaging with others.

Literally nobody cares. I have never shared my holiday pix on FB- it's cringy- but I promise nobody is dying to see your pix. I have hidden all my friends social medis updates. They just don't know about it.

I dont agree its being rude. You have moved into a new phase of your life and are shedding many of the social hangers on of the old life. If you smile and wave you've acknowledged that they exist in the world. They will learn that you are too busy to stop and chat and their interest in you will gradually fall away. If thats what you want then fine. Dont sweat the small stuff.

Im quite a lot older than you and have nil interest in my neighbours. Its not that they've done anything to me. The one I used to have arguments with has moved away. I just cant be bothered with random people on the whole. I sometimes chat briefly to the postie and the Tesco man but they are delivering a service and we have a personalised social connection. If I see they are in a hurry I dont keep them chatting.

I am the same. Personally I don't think yabu, because I am the same! But in the world of social stereotypes like BBC motherland is based on, then yes some people probably think it is rude 😂

“it feels nosey when people are asking all this stuff but you arent actually close enough to them to be friends with them. You know that they arent the people who would be there for you in a crisis or would take you out for a drink when you're feeling low- they wouldn't care, so why should they have access to your life?”

yes it’s exactly that

at one time there were in my life due to circumstances

Why do you think they are fake and bitchy? That’s jumping to the wrong conclusions and makes you sound bitter and cynical. Most people are actually nice and friendly in real life!

It’s called getting older. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to dump or avoid all the former pests in my life. I don’t know what I was thinking when I was pandering to them and listening to their shit and getting nothing kind in return. Fuck em off out of it.

You're not being rude.

If you smile and say hello but are merrily walking on, then it's just rude for someone to try and stop you!

As you get older you realise your time is limited and some people are not worth your time or effort.People like old school mums or ex colleagues just want to be nosy . I’ve never gone to reunions what is there to say ? We have all moved on . I honestly think reunions are just yard stick measuring .

I think it's rude but I do understand - although for me its probably more that my DC haven't achieved quite as well as theirs and so I suspect 'catching up' is a bit of a boost for them.

I always wonder if the posters who dislike everybody realise they.too may be equally disliked