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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not apologise to sibling

725 replies

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:09

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

OP posts:
OneMoreProfiterole · 10/12/2025 12:02

they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now

Stopped reading at this point.

So all child abusers should just grow old and be ‘pleasant’. I’m sure all child abuse survivors will then just forget everything and be happy too!!

Are you fucking joking?

Eddielizzard · 10/12/2025 12:02

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/12/2025 12:01

.

Ah yes. Fell for it.

Chucklecheeks01 · 10/12/2025 12:02

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:30

@Solentsolo DM wasn't well when she made her draft will reducing my share. She was well known to fall out with people

like when your father cut your sibling out of the will. Why does that stand but not the decision affecting you?

Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 12:02

I can only imagine what you have been like to grow up with. Jesus Christ, perhaps it’s money well spent never having to see you again.

Hayley1256 · 10/12/2025 12:02

So you've completely gone back on your agreement with your sibling and also totally disrespected your mothers last wishes. Wow! Your mum was trying to make sure your brother would be left a similar value to you when you inheritance your father's estate. You sound very greedy

Freeyourmind · 10/12/2025 12:03

Legally you are right. That's obvious. But you cannot then complain about the consequences of treating it as a legal transaction.

simpsonthecat · 10/12/2025 12:04

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

What's 'best for family'? Giving you all the money?

You are greedy end of.

ProfMummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 10/12/2025 12:04

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:54

I don't see why I should share any profit or share of my 50% with a sibling who doesn't communicate with me. What is the sense in that? If they want some of it, they should be building bridges with me, not the other way round.

You want them to be nice to you, to build bridges with you, after you've fucked them over?!?

Fucking hell OP, more like you want to lord it over them and dangle the money in front of them. What's next, do XYZ for me and you can get some money? Go back to your abuser, aka dad, and start helping him out if you want any money? That's right, subject yourself to more abuse and I might be inclined to chuck a couple of quid your way???

You don't sound like a selfish greedy bitch OP. You are one. Scrooge has nothing on you! Good on your sibling for having nothing to do with you.

scrimblescramble · 10/12/2025 12:04

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

In case you hadn’t quite realised, your sister is not the problem here. You are the problem. Everyone on this thread has made that very clear

Spanador · 10/12/2025 12:04

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

Lol but you're not prioritising family are you? You're prioritising yourself and your own gain

Hoolahoophop · 10/12/2025 12:04

I wouldn't, my sibling means to much to me so I would want to share with them and would be devastated if there was a fall out. They have acted in a way in the past that makes me believe they feel the same. But we were brought up by truly excellent parents who taught us to feel this way about the family we were brought up in and the families we have created, and to do what is kind towards extended family, friends, acquaintances and strangers.

You may not have had the same experience and for that I pity you.

thepariscrimefiles · 10/12/2025 12:04

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:26

I'm surprised people are ignoring the law here. With no valid will, the estate is split 50/50. Sibling knew this but chose to ignore me while they carried on with the administration. Without the solicitors intervening they may have sold off the house at too low a price for us both.

Anyway re: DF. He used to drink a lot, swear etc! He treated us all badly. But sibling got a good job and moved away for a few years. When they moved back, DF told sibling that they weren't in his will because I'd helped him out more. Now sibling is very bitter over this, keeps going on about therapy etc. The rest of the family keep saying they need to get over it

Why did you make the agreement if you had no intention of honouring it? You sound greedy and spiteful. Your DF sounds like a total cunt too. Your sister sounds like the only decent member of the family.

Original poster
Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 12:04

No @TheCosyViewer I was with the solicitor and DF when DF drew up his will. DF then phoned sibling to explain what he'd done. Sibling seemed fine with it at the time. Then DM got ill and we made the verbal agreement.
But that's all by the by, we have to follow the law and what is stated there.

OP posts:
OhDonuts · 10/12/2025 12:04

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

This has to be a wind up?

You are the one who is not doing what is best for family - you’ve ignored your mums wishes and are trying to rip off your sibling!!

Glowingup · 10/12/2025 12:04

People have already given lots of valid opinions here so I won’t add to it beyond to say that you sound like you are one of the most unpleasant and greedy people that anyone could ever hope to meet and I have so much sympathy for your poor sibling who had the misfortune of having both you and their father as family members.

Twiglets1 · 10/12/2025 12:05

The agreement was crazy anyway.

You and your sibling should have agreed to take 50% of both your mother and your father's estate when the time came. That's the only fair way.

But that isn't what you agreed so you should honour what you agreed in my opinion. No wonder your sister has gone no contact.

Original poster
Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 12:06

@OneMoreProfiterole that's irrelevant to this thread. But fwiw myself and other members of the family have managed to move on and help DF out, it's sibling who is bitter about it all

OP posts:
Fullofthejoysofspring · 10/12/2025 12:07

This has to be a wind up surely

AphroditesSeashell · 10/12/2025 12:07

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 12:04

No @TheCosyViewer I was with the solicitor and DF when DF drew up his will. DF then phoned sibling to explain what he'd done. Sibling seemed fine with it at the time. Then DM got ill and we made the verbal agreement.
But that's all by the by, we have to follow the law and what is stated there.

Except you don't have to. You're picking and choosing what parts of this sorry tale you're interested in.

I don't understand why you started the thread, frankly.

You: AIBU?
Everyone: YES!!
You: No, I'm not.

thepariscrimefiles · 10/12/2025 12:08

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

But obviously your family are just like you. Totally lacking integrity and morals and greedy to boot so it is no surprise that they are on your side.

Hopefully, your sibling will cut off the lot of you and lead a much happier life without you and your toxic family.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 12:08

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 12:06

@OneMoreProfiterole that's irrelevant to this thread. But fwiw myself and other members of the family have managed to move on and help DF out, it's sibling who is bitter about it all

She is allowed to be bitter and sad, and not want to wipe his arse now. You don’t have to do it either, you are choosing to mainly I suspect to claim the full inheritance. You are unconscionable.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 12:09

I hope you are a troll!!!!!

Summerunlover · 10/12/2025 12:09

Yeah you you are really nasty and greedy. My dad’s family did this to me and I haven’t spoken to tie for ten years.

ThatVividReader · 10/12/2025 12:09

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 12:06

@OneMoreProfiterole that's irrelevant to this thread. But fwiw myself and other members of the family have managed to move on and help DF out, it's sibling who is bitter about it all

You deciding to ignore abuse because it benefits you financially is on you.

Your sibling not wanting to doesn't mean you can screw her out of an inheritance from your Mother that your Mother wanted to go to her.

You are as abusive as your Dad.

RobertaSlack · 10/12/2025 12:10

You sound absolutely dreadful OP. Karma will have her day....