To not apologise to sibling

[Bearingsbear20]

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

How can you assume that? DF and I get on well. I genuinely enjoy his company. I have tried to explain to sibling about this but they don't want to know.
I don't see why I should help them out when they're the one who has fallen out with me.

This is clearly a reverse and its tiring

Lawyers can only tell you what the law entitles you to, not what morals/ethics dictate you do in a situation.

The ethical thing to do would be to either cede your claim to your DM's estate to your sibling (your lawyers can help you do this legally) or claim 50% of your DM's estate now, and give your sibling 50% of your father's when you inherit from him. Clearly you aren't going to do this, so just own your (dubious) ethics/greed and give up on a relationship with your sibling.

You are greedy.

Just stick to what you agreed? Sibling gets this house and you get your dads. Is he not dying quick enough for you, I guess.

Why are you being such a shit person to your sibling?

Grabby and gross

YANBU, as long as your sister gets her half of DR'S estate 🤔

Greedy bastard

You should have left the unedited version @BMW6

Jesus, OP. This is horrible

Your poor sibling, whose feelings after childhood abuse are being denied by everyone in their family and who will now face major financial damage too.

I'm guessing all of this estate stuff is just the tip of an iceberg of bullying/ abuse which you've no doubt facilitated or engineered. You and your family sound horrid and your sibling will be well rid.

You had an agreement that you would get dfs estate and your sibling would get dms estate. You've now gone back on this and claimed 50% of your mother's estate because there wasn't a legal will? That was very underhanded and you're clearly calculating. I am on your siblings side.

Also, you have no idea if they were abused differently to you or not. My mother abused me but never my brothers and they don't remember any of it.

You are not ‘helping them out’ they are entitled to half their inheritance.

Perhaps you are not bothered by the terrible things he has said and done but some people have higher standards than you. Your dh is only reining it in now because he is old, and needs you running after him. You don’t actually believe he has changed! Or maybe it suits you to imagine he has.

Has he apologised unreservedly to your sister?

It’s not hard to imagine you kissing the arse of an abuser. You sound incredibly greedy and materialistic.

You sound horrendous. You know what your mother’s wishes were, and why. You agreed this with your sibling and now wish to back out as you’ve realised you can have 50% of mum’s estate (despite your mother wanting something different and presumably having trusted you to put her wishes into effect) AND the whole of your dad’s estate. Vile.

Legal “entitlement” has nothing to do with whether or not your sibling “tries to build bridges” with you. YOU are the one who should be trying to build bridges. Hopefully you will find the pile of cash you end up with a suitable replacement for a relationship with your sibling.

Where has the doctor come from all of a sudden?

Dazzling lack of self awareness (or something)

You took advice from the legal profession, and they advised what they would being the legal profession, and while yes it's legal your question wasn't is it legal to inherit 50% of my mother's estate because it was her wishes only and not a proper will, you asked if your siblings had cause to not speak to you.

They do have cause. From your small mentions it sounds like your father was verbally abusive and not everyone handles that the same way. You may have found yourself able to forgive and forget and enjoy a relationship with him as an adult, but it's not your place to judge your sibling for being unable to do so. Perhaps they're older than you and recall more vividly, perhaps they're younger and were more frightened by a drunk parent. Who knows.

The crux of the matter here is actually your mother's intent, it's a real shame she didn't make it official legally with her will but you clearly knew her intention was to even things out between her children. It was clear and you know it was.

Sounds like you are a greedy bitch.

Wow. So you had a verbal agreement that you'd get DFs and they would get DMs estate but as that now doesn't suit you, the law does. Of course that is the law with estates and inheritance but that is not what you agreed within your family. I can understand why your sibling is upset and I'm baffled that you can't see that. If you DF tears up his will or changes it to give your sibling half - or the law decides - how will that make you feel?

It's all pretty unpleasant from where I'm sitting. Sounds like you're being nice to DF in order to get his money when he dies.

A drafted will without witnesses will be unlikely to any legal status.
Whether you inherit 50% of your mother's assets will depend if your parents were still married. If they were then I am afraid your father inherits up to a particular value. He then would have an interest in the rest.
Then children can inherit. There is a strict order in which assets of an estate are handed out.
If there is no husband/wife then siblings inherit equally. Is my understanding.
Your sibling should apply for probate. But you should have agree with him who was doing the executor role. Not tell him that he is !
If he has been given probate he most certainly can sell assets off. Indeed he has to. You can check if someone has applied. Not all estates do require it though.
An executor has to work in the best interests of the beneficiaries. It is quite an onerous task. The best way is to have clear and open communication throughout.

OP, do you have a black cape and a wide, thin moustache that you twiddle with as you let out an evil laugh? Is your arrival heralded by a puff of black smoke and a clap of thunder?

And no, you do not “have to follow the law”. Intestate rules provide for how an estate is distributed in the absence of a will. Just as when there IS a will, the beneficiaries are free to vary the distributions as they see fit. You just want all the money for yourself, which is repugnant.

“(as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now)”

This is the start of when you became very unreasonable. You clearly weren’t abused, in fact I’m guessing if we knew your siblings side, they would say you were the golden child. I really hope this is a reverse but sadly I think you really are that far sighted.

😆 you want 50% of your mums estate and 100% of your dads as well?

and now noone wants to talk to you and you're the victim?

And dad's not even dead so how dare she be so grabby! [said by OP whilst she plans her dad's will with him]

You're having us on, right?🤣

Nasty. I'd never speak to you again.

This cannot be real.

You have disregarded your DMs wishes that sibling inherits the bulk of her estate and you have also reneged on an agreement with your sibling...and you think the sibling is in the wrong????
You may well have the law on your side, but you know full well your mother didn't want to leave you 50%.

Inheritance brings out the worst in many people, money over ethics, profit over relationships.
I really hope this is a reverse though.

YABU, hope they counter sue for half your father's estate