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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not apologise to sibling

725 replies

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:09

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

OP posts:
smashinghope · 10/12/2025 11:57

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:54

I don't see why I should share any profit or share of my 50% with a sibling who doesn't communicate with me. What is the sense in that? If they want some of it, they should be building bridges with me, not the other way round.

Your some peice of work

Catwalking · 10/12/2025 11:57

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:45

Look, to those mentioning DF, it's separate and I admit I was foolish to make the verbal agreement and play along with siblings initial wishes. DF isn't even dead yet, and sibling kept going on about his will as if they were entitled to half even when they didn't visit him!
This is about DM and what is legally valid.

I suggest you get this thread taken down, there are various folk here who have no idea what you’re talking about; but are quite happy to be extremely rude.
You have very wisely authorised your own solicitor, I hope everything goes well for you & DF from now on.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 11:57

Have the money op. You will lose your sister altogether and die miserable, cold and alone. Actions have consequences.

BettysRoasties · 10/12/2025 11:57

I get it legally mum no will so 50/50. Currently father will 100%.

It was stupid to make any verbal agreement and in away it’s good mum didn’t do her will because actually you don’t know what dad will have left and he could Infact change his will still in the future and you could’ve the one left with nothing.

This is why I think all inheritance should just be split equally however.

No point making on tomorrows inheritance that may never exist.

scrimblescramble · 10/12/2025 11:57

Why would your sibling talk to you though when you’re acting like this? If you’re like this online I can’t imagine what you’ve been like in person/real life. You have no shame

Original poster
Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

OP posts:
Icanflyhigh · 10/12/2025 11:58

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:45

Look, to those mentioning DF, it's separate and I admit I was foolish to make the verbal agreement and play along with siblings initial wishes. DF isn't even dead yet, and sibling kept going on about his will as if they were entitled to half even when they didn't visit him!
This is about DM and what is legally valid.

No this is about you being a greedy mare with no conscience or moral compass. I imagine your DM is looking down at you in abject horror wondering what she birthed and raised.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 11:59

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

No, you are not doing it for the family you are just lining your own bank account at the expense of your sister.

TheCosyViewer · 10/12/2025 11:59

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:39

@SparklyGlitterballs no, most of the family think I'm doing the right thing. When I own the house I'll be renovating it and selling it at a profit more than likely. There's a lot of relatives who think sibling is BU for getting so upset over it and not talking to me and DF anymore.

What relatives are these ?? Siblings of your Dad’s who know exactly what he’s like but want to cover it up for fear of association ?? Or your Mum’s siblings that you’re are badmouthing to about your sister ??

Your sister is right and you are being grabby, greedy and nasty. I hope the money will make up for the loss of a relationship with your sister.

smashinghope · 10/12/2025 11:59

Actually almost 100% this is a troll - ive reported

Hoppinggreen · 10/12/2025 11:59

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/12/2025 11:18

Clearly just being pleasant to their dad for their will! Hopefully he clocks on and writes them out.

Show quote history

I read that as the abusive father was now pleasant so OP feels her sibling has no right to complain/go NC with him

Pushmepullu · 10/12/2025 11:59

OP, you need to read your first post. You said that you and your sibling had an agreement, so basically you discussed it, before your mother had died, that they would have your mother’s estate. Then you say that you are finding it ‘sad’ that your sibling is discussing that you will inherit your father’s estate before he has died. So, it’s sad when they discuss the fact that you will benefit but not sad when they will benefit. Talk about double standards. You are being greedy.

Bestfootforward11 · 10/12/2025 11:59

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:26

I'm surprised people are ignoring the law here. With no valid will, the estate is split 50/50. Sibling knew this but chose to ignore me while they carried on with the administration. Without the solicitors intervening they may have sold off the house at too low a price for us both.

Anyway re: DF. He used to drink a lot, swear etc! He treated us all badly. But sibling got a good job and moved away for a few years. When they moved back, DF told sibling that they weren't in his will because I'd helped him out more. Now sibling is very bitter over this, keeps going on about therapy etc. The rest of the family keep saying they need to get over it

Easy to say ‘get over it’ when you’re not the one having to get over anything. Why do you have to dismiss your siblings experience of their childhood? And their feelings now? Why is your version of things the only acceptable version?

You’re going to get your DF’s share but you also want 50% of your mum’s? Come on. If you genuinely can’t see any moral issue in all this then you need therapy to start working it out.

You say it’s awful she’s going on about your DF’s share before he’s passed but at the same time you’re grabbing your mother’s now and going against her wishes.

You said your mother wasn't well when she made her draft will reducing your share and that she was well known to fall out with people, so her wishes don’t really matter. But your DF’s wishes that happens to leave everything to you on the basis of a fall out with your sibling because they’re not helping much are very much to be followed.

The way you are talking about all this suggests you were very much impacted by your DF’s abusive behaviour because you can’t see how wrong you are on a moral basis. Just because the law might allow to shaft your sibling doesn’t mean you have to. Why not give your sibling back the other half of your DM’s share when sell the property?

LadyDanburysHat · 10/12/2025 12:00

Wow, it amazes me that you can think you are in the right here. Just because you are entitled to half by law does not mean you have to take it. You are choosing to take it and be greedy. You have backed out of a verbal agreement and your wish for money clearly means more to you than your sibling. They have every right to not want anything to do with you.

thepariscrimefiles · 10/12/2025 12:00

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:14

Yes @Solentsolo because I am following the intestacy rules, the draft will/ verbal agreement isn't valid.

But you could still honour the agreement. Are your parents divorced? If they aren't, surely your dad would inherit everything from your mum as next of kin if they are still married and there is no will?

Hoppinggreen · 10/12/2025 12:00

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

Right piece of work as my Mum would say

Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 12:00

Hoppinggreen · 10/12/2025 11:59

I read that as the abusive father was now pleasant so OP feels her sibling has no right to complain/go NC with him

Show quote history

That’s okay then, he is too old to terrify his kids now she can just erase the misery of her childhood.

Strangesally20 · 10/12/2025 12:01

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:30

@Solentsolo DM wasn't well when she made her draft will reducing my share. She was well known to fall out with people

She didn’t sound unwell at all, sounds like , according to your OP, she knew exactly was going on and disagreed with you getting all of your fathers estate so made a clear and considered plan to make things fair by giving the bulk of her estate to your sibling, she even went as far as to explain this to you so there was no surprises, sadly she didn’t get to see her plan through. And you have seized the opportunity to go completely against her wishes. Following the law doesn’t make it right, if you don’t understand that we can’t help you.

why do I have a feeling you will make damn sure your dad has his will done…. I don’t know how you sleep at night. Enjoy your money OP, it’s all you’ll have.

Eddielizzard · 10/12/2025 12:01

It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

you mean what's best for you

in no way is that best for them.

LighthouseLED · 10/12/2025 12:01

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

How is it “doing what’s best for family” when you are taking 75% of the combined estate (50% of your DM’s and 100% of your DF’s) and your sibling is only getting 25%.

It may be legal but it doesn’t seem fair on your sibling.

Intrigued20 · 10/12/2025 12:01

I’ve been trying to get my head around how you don’t realise this is completely shitty behaviour. Mind blown.
No words.

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/12/2025 12:01

.

To not apologise to sibling
OhDonuts · 10/12/2025 12:02

You are very much your fathers daughter.

You obviously don’t care what people think of you though. I can’t believe you have done this to your sibling, but to write it on the internet too? You have no shame.

Eddielizzard · 10/12/2025 12:02

You're like Rachel Reeves delivering her budget for 'growth'. Just saying words doesn't make them true

TheCosyViewer · 10/12/2025 12:02

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:58

Honestly surprised at most of (not all!) of the responses here. My majority of the family are on my side. It's sad my sibling just doesn't seem to prioritise doing what's best for family

If you really and truly want to do what is best for family, have you explained to your Dad that’s it’s wrong to cut your sister out of his Will. Have you explained that when the time comes, you will legally renounce 50% of your inheritance from him, so your sister gets an equal amount to you ?