Wedding planning - in law drama

[ellie09]

Hi all,

I'm getting married in July 2026 and its a fairly small wedding with just family and close friends. I only have 1 MOH and 1 best man involved, no other bridesmaids etc.

My partner and I are planning it together as we are financing it all (as it should be!)

There have been a few previous posts about my MIL always falling out with DP on various things and the saga continues, except this time, she has brought up the wedding.

Apparently, the in laws dont feel "included" in the planning, but theres nothing to include them in?

Points she raised:

1. That she hasn't seen my wedding dress and I brought my mum and MOH along.

I was only allowed 2 people for the appointment, as well as me, so I chose my own mother and my MOH as they are closest to me, so I dont see an issue with this?

1. Nobody in her family has a "role".

We have already mentioned I am just having my closest best friend and DP is only having one best man. I have 3 sisters I could have picked, and other close friends but I haven't. DP is the same. We were going to offer his mum or sisters a chance to do a reading etc, but now we aren't so sure.

1. Apparently, its an issue that they dont know the colour scheme?

We are currently undecided between two colours, we havent got a bridesmaid dress and have neutral flowers etc so I am not sure what I can do about that? Plus there's 8 months to go?

1. I got my bridal make up trial done without including MIL or his sisters.

I went on my own as it was a BRIDAL trial. MOH and my mum aren't getting a trial but I am footing the make up bill for both. MOH is a given and my mum had asked me. I had mentioned to MIL who I was using and all she said was the make up artist lived in a bad area, she knew other ones etc so I just thought that was the end of that?

AIBU with any of this?

I know wedding planning can be stressful and not sure if I am being a bridezilla?

I like to think I have been fair to all, especially as none of my family have been included in any planning etc either. We just want our guests to come and enjoy the day!

Yep, any time I have seen MIL has been through me and DP or me, child and DP making our way down on an almost 4 hour round journey to their house. We do this because we know DP's older brother is severely autistic.

However, when MIL started taking DPs brother on holidays to London (on a plane) and taking day trips to places 3+ hours away by car/bus, we started questioning why she doesnt make the effort to come to us, if she misses her son so badly.

She will quote that her severely disabled son is unpredictable (which ironically is never an issue on holiday, long day trips or going to other relatives weddings which are hundreds of miles away) and when we bring up that my son (who is moderately impacted by ASD) gets overwhelmed by the car journey, overstimulated etc, we dont receive understanding in the slightest.

We try to get down when my child is at his dads - but its a really, really long day, where you will be expected to sit around the house, have dinner and stay until the evening.

We have opened up an invite for them to come to ours now and again, but they dont seem bothered to make the effort, or even meet up half way for dinner etc (even if we offer to pay).

My DP thinks this as well - he thinks she is jealous of the fact he has his own family unit now, and that she isnt the "centre of his universe" (his quote, not mine).

She has mentioned to him about them used to being a "tight knit family" when he lived back home and throughout their childhoods but from speaking to DP, he seems to see his childhood in a completely different perspective to his mum, where he claims he felt like the black sheep of the family.

I dont think she has come to terms with the fact that he has another primary family unit now, which is me and his soon to be step son. He is putting us first, and seems to be defending us, which is a first that I have experienced in my lifetime when it comes to men and their mothers.

On the other hand, I have a great relationship with my mum, so it feels odd to me that theres so much conflict in their relationship. They're both incredibly stubborn and neither of them steps down or apologizes.