School pick up safety.

[RedDeer]

Last night my 7 year old was released into my 10 year olds care, at pick up after a school nativity play. I was 30s walking behind and my 10 year old had ran ahead. it was outside dark. I only noticed as they started to walk pass me in the school pick up place. It was 7pm.
I know it was busy, and mistakes happen. Teacher probably thought I was there.

Am I overreacting? I don't want anyone getting into trouble. Also my 10 year old, is Autistic, high functioning but still dont trust her 100% with her younger sister.

I wouldn't complain about the teacher, but if you are concerned, I don't see anything wrong with having a quiet word directly, asking them to double check that you ARE present. Explain that your 10 year old can run faster than you can. I'd also impress on your 7 yr old that they need to wait for YOU, and that they are NOT to cross the road, with their older sibling. I don't think YABU to have had a slight scare, but I DO YWBU to complain about the teacher.

Don’t let your 10 year old run to school pick up then. If it was ‘30s’ then you were right there for the teacher to see

Tbf your 7 year old should be OK crossing a road, especially one that you do everyday on the way to and from school. My children played out on the streets from the age of 7, granted a few years ago now but I dont think children have regressed that much!

Assuming they were let go from a building with lights not literally from the middle of a dark playground, I would imagine that the staff saw you let your child run ahead. Unless the staff present knew your child is autistic and a flight risk, I don't think you can blame them for letting him take his little brother to mum, when they can see all the way to mum and you have just clearly let him walk it to get to them. They probably have children who are 10 who walk to and back from school alone, so there's no reason they would know one couldn't walk 100 yards alone, unless they see a carer actively stopping him do it.

In that case why weren’t you holding your ten year olds hand? If it was safe for your ten year old who bolts it was safe for your seven year old while you were in view.

I think you'd be overreacting if you were to complain about this. I expect the teacher assumed you were there. No problem in asking the teacher to make sure your 7yo is handed over directly to you and not your 10yo in future though.

And for Pete's sake, make sure your 7yo knows who is picking her up each day and who she is and isn't allowed to leave with. She is old enough to start taking some responsibility for not simply going with her sibling if you've said she must wait for you.

If your 10 year old can not be trusted and tried to walk across a road unsupervised why were you 30s behind? You repeatedly say she needs more supervision but you were not supervising her. Why is your 7 year olds safety more important than your 10 year olds? Sounds more like a safeguarding issue on your end to me!

But you were there. If your 10 year old is so irresponsible, why let them run ahead? You need to start taking responsibility for situations not just blaming autism or nursery staff.

This. You had ONE child to manage, the teacher has 30.

Even if the 10 year old is impulsive because of their autism, a NT 7 year old should be perfectly capable of crossing a road safely - or understanding that they shouldn’t do so without you.

You are the parent

So you weren't adequately supervising a child that you know is one who will run and is at risk and yet this is the school's fault
Make it make sense

If the 10 year old can't be left unsupervised, that sounds like the issue, not the 7 year old?
But the 10 year old wasn't in the school's care at the time, right?

At that age and those events I think it was always a case of if you see your mum you can go. You need to reiterate road safety to both children and tell the 7 year old not to leave the teacher until she sees you not her sister.

You where responsible for your 10 yeR old, not the school. You should have kept her close by, especially in the dark, and especially since a road was close by. School has other children in their care to hand over, they cannot watch out for your 10 year old. You where 30 steps behind your 10 year old, the school member would have seen this and released your 7 year old. After all you deemed it ok for your more vulnerable child to be 30 steps in front of you. Its entirely your responsibility. If you carnt run as fast as your 10 year old and there's a flight risk you should have kept hold of her hand.

So you let your child who, in your own words, is unpredictable and can bolt, run ahead of you even though you can’t keep up with them, but you have an issue with your other child (who, it seems, doesn’t behave in the same way) being allowed to run ahead? Sounds like you’re looking for people to blame and exhibiting some hefty double standards

If your 10 year old is so much ot a flight risk why was she away from you in the first place??

So you weren't 30s behind?

In any scenario here, your older child would be at that intersection without you - possibly even further ahead as they stopped for their sibling. If they can’t be trusted near roads you need to keep them right next to you.

and yes - agree it’s time to teach your 7 year old road safety. My kids knew to wait for me by way earlier. And my son started walking himself the mile to school last year when he was 8 so your 7 year old can learn.

I would guess the teacher saw your child on their own and either asked or assumed they were with you. Definitely not their fault.

We do release children to older dcs if we see the parent on the way but we always wave to the parent to make sure they know. I think you are right.

I'm sure it was a bit of a shock and a moment of panic to see both kids near the road in the dark. However the teacher rightly assumed you were very close, because she knows your ten year old is not the kind of child who can be left unsupervised. I'm not saying it's right, but in that unusual and stressful situation I can see how it happened. Raising this with the teacher will only create tension and resentment. Just put it down to experience and teach both children road safety, they are old enough.

My guess is they knew you were there having seen you at the nativity, perhaps had even seen you in the distance behind her who knows but either way will have known you were there somewhere. Your 10yo also might have said mum’s just behind me.

So why weren’t you holding her hand and keeping her close? This one is on you!

If your 10 year old can't be trusted and you're concerned about her crossing the road why didn't you have eyes on her anyway?