To expect financial support from my husband

[PoisedUmberCrab]

….during mat leave.

background - just finished mat leave with
DC2. Situation was the same with DC1.

both work full time typically and contribute 50/50 towards mortgage, bills and all other expenses.

during mat leave my salary was 46% of what I usually earn (ie less than half). DH expected me to continue paying 50% of mortgage, bills expenses. His rationale is that he was not earning any more than usual.

this has left me in a hard position financially whereby I borrowed from my family to get by.

AIBU to think that he should have increased his contributions whilst I was earning significantly less than usual (and looking after our child on mat leave for a year).

You are fighting for your children's right to continue living the lifestyle to which they're accustomed. You mention your 'beautiful home' so fight for your children's right to carry on living in a nice home, in a nice area (though I would argue that no home can ever be beautiful if there is fear and misery in every room).

He's self employed so don't bother with a run of the mill divorce solicitor. You need someone who specialises in this specific area and they often work hand in hand with a forensic accountant. And you want someone who chews bricks for breakfast because I guarantee your DH is going to employ someone who does.

Have you at least spoken to a solicitor first? Gathered any financial evidence you can? How old is your older child?

It won't be your biggest regret, I hope you take him for everything you possibly can. What kind of man does that to someone hes supposed to love AND have children with.

I think I may speak for a lot of people on this thread: we are on your side, sending you moral support, thinking about your future in which you have freedom, happiness, and perhaps one day someone as an OH who genuinely cares for you x

I love that from @Arraminta ! Get yourself that SHL, even if it seems expensive. Anything else would be a false economy.

Congratulations on hitting that button!

Will he get a notification by email?

You must be England doing online divorce, pre marital assets are fair game. In scotland they are not. So push for one of the flats, with a tenant, not for you , youll at least have another income.

Also is he Ltd or sole trader, ill assume Ltd is he's taking dividends?

You need to find every bit of financial paperwork you can

I’m currently on maternity leave with our second baby and I honestly cannot even imagine a situation where my husband would think or behave like this. It’s ridiculous. We’re married, we have two children, we’re a family and all money is “our” money. We saved for both maternity leaves and yes there is less coming in once my full pay maternity ends but that isn’t less coming to me, it’s less coming to us.

I can imagine this is the tip of a very big iceberg so well done on clicking submit!!

Besides covering majority of expenses during mat, he should be topping up your pension and savings while you are at home (assuming there is anything left over after the easentials). Cause it would be wildly unfair for you to be ao disadvantaged while you're on maternity.

If everyone he knows had their wives go into debt to pay their share tells you a lot about him and his mates.

Take whatever you are entitled to. Don't worry about looking greedy. When he does the whole "my ex took me to the cleaners" don't be scared to say that he made you save alone for maternity so you can pay 50% and refused to provide for his child.

You will look back on this moment, OP, as the start of a new life. It might not be easy but it will almost certainly be better once the dust settles. Cling on to that during the difficult days. You’re doing a good thing for you and your children.

I went on maternity leave and had to take out a ten grand loan so I could carry on paying my "share". I left him. You should leave too.

And take the miserable, stingy fucker for everything you can.

What?!?!?!

You could always do a Dennis Watts a
( from Eastenders ) and give him the divorce papers on Christmas Day 😂😂

save you buying the asshole a Christmas present as well

wrap it up in a nice bow and serve it with the turkey

I HRTFT because I got to here and was too outraged. When he is growing a person inside him he can talk about earning similar and not having to contribute more. You’re doing five times the work he is at least, what an absolute knob.

Submit that form and get a shit-hot lawyer for yourself.

Don't worry about looking "greedy"

He's the greedy one, hoarding his wealth and not supporting his wife.

If you think going for less than your entitlement will stop him from behaving maliciously during the divorce, think again. These types fight over every bloody penny, so go for what you want.

Well done op. This is the only right thing to do with a man like this.

And go for every penny you’re owed. I don’t give a shit what deposit he contributed.

What a fucking cunt.

Well done for pressing send!!
If he claims for money he had before you got married, can you claim anything for the toll 2 pregnancies have taken on your body?

Ah op how massively unreasonable he is. I think it might be worth speaking to womens aid because there is something about this that is smacking of financial abuse and control. Even the fact you feel he would be inclined to weaponise your children is making me think there's more to it all. The more support you have in place the better if he is the type to get really nasty especially if he's now losing control of you. Do you feel safe around him?

I would speak to a solicitor. As he's got his own business etc I'd be trying to get copies of any financial evidence of his income/ earnings before he finds out about this so he can't hide his money and claim poverty. He's obviously highly financially motivated so seems he type to do this.

I would take him for what you can honestly, it sounds like he's going to make life extremely difficult and the quicker you can get set up well with your children the better. He sounds like he's very greedy and has been centering himself instead of seeing both of your incomes as family money which is what it all became when he married you and had kids with you.

You've done the right thing OP and I say this as someone who usually never rises to the call to LTB. A married woman having to borrow money because her DH won't support his family when she is on mat leave, disgraceful. I hope you can manage to get a specialist solicitor mentioned by pp's to ensure you and DC get the maximum possible from his business and rental properties. Not 50/50 and including his deposit, if you are entitled to more following professional advice take it.

I know it’s not feasible but how would he feel about earning 49% and still paying 50% of everything? Would he consider that fair?

I think you know how this will end, with that knowledge you can start planning for it early.

I hate how he essentially feels kids and maternity are solely your responsibility whilst he continues living unaffected and saving. What does your family think of this?

Hi, OP -

I wasn’t going to comment , even though I was with you 100%, until I saw you had submitted the divorce petition.

Great job.

Your husband broke your marriage vows first, with his attitude towards family finances. Sadly, you are just formalising the reality you’ve been living with. You haven’t meaningfully bern partners and I very much hope that, although life as a single mum will have its challenges, you will feel better when you aren’t living a charade.

For much of my marriage DH was the greater financial contributor. But he never held it over me and I would have left if he had, though I recognise that’s a luxury I could afford. We were always financial partners (up to ISAs and such)

But the kicker is that for a few years we thought he was going to die, and I felt free
to take a financial hit to make him my primary focus, because he had amply provided for me. It was absolutely right for both of us. I was more than happy to make this choice.

How would I have felt, how would any rational person have felt, with a partner like your husband? Making a financial sacrifice would not be a safe choice and it certainly would not be joyful one. I hope I would not have stuck by your DH until he became ill, because it would create an awful moral dilemma.

You deserve better, and I very much hope you will find it now

Family are hugely disappointed with him and don’t think much of him at all, but have tried to keep things amicable for the sake of the small children.

he’s just said that if we go through the courts it’s likely that I will have to pay him maintenance, as my monthly salary (when I go back to work) is higher than his!!!!