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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
Kerensa70 · 10/12/2025 18:15

Don’t be bullied and definitely hang onto to your ring. Cheeky cow (her not you!)

BobbySox71 · 10/12/2025 18:24

It is now your ring you bought it so it’s your entitlement what to do with it. You could even wear it yourself or pass it down to your children, but of course if you feel your niece should have it.
She could easily do that again

MungoforPresident · 10/12/2025 18:33

100%, without a shadow of doubt, keep it and refuse to discuss it. This is your ring. She sold it, and you are now its owner just the same as if any other buyer had gone and bought it. She did a dirty, manipulative thing and it's backfired.

ILoveLaLaLand · 10/12/2025 18:40

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

You're the legal owner.
The end.

MrBiscuits24 · 10/12/2025 18:48

Ha! No absolutely not.

MeridianB · 10/12/2025 18:59

The only rock your ridiculous SIL deserves is a big grey one. Ignore any further noise about it. You absolutely did the right thing.

It’s a shame your brother is back with her. It’s a shame he told her you bought the ring. But your plan to leave it to DN with instructions not to give or sell it to her wicked stepmother sound perfect,

Seidkonna · 10/12/2025 18:59

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

Please keep the ring. It’s shocking she has the audacity to ask.

Buffs · 10/12/2025 19:06

How dare she even think about asking for it.

Cherrytree86 · 10/12/2025 19:07

Who has voted OP is being unreasonable - and why?!

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 10/12/2025 19:09

What a strange story this is. Awful family Would make a good fairy story. You should sell it to Disney.

Doesn't add up in my mind why you bought the ring in the first place. A tad jealous or maybe a control gesture.

But as you have now bought it. SIL has no claims on it.

I don't care if it is a family heirloom it seems to be cursed. I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

MCal174 · 10/12/2025 19:10

Invisablepanic · 09/12/2025 14:33

Keep it. Wear it whenever you see her.

💯 this 👏🏻

ChappellApple · 10/12/2025 19:16

Sounds like the majority of estranged relatives of mine and my Husband's on both sides. In previous centuries they would stolen the pennies off a deceased person's eyes (after fighting each other to get to them first). Revolting the lot of them. I agree with previous posters that you should make a point of wearing the ring in front of the thieving, fraudulent bint. Lovely that you are leaving it to his daughter

AlltheJs · 10/12/2025 19:20

you bought it. it's yours.

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 10/12/2025 19:26

Your SIL sounds like trash!! Do not give her that ring back and ensure it is in locked away in a safe space.

£100 for a ring that you paid thousands….very cheeky!! And down right rude!!

Tuesdayschild50 · 10/12/2025 19:41

Keep keep keep.... don't give two thoughts to sil for one minute.
I'd have to tell sil where to go .

Carpedimum · 10/12/2025 19:53

I cannot press the YANBU button hard enough, it’s an emphatic vote from me. You should show the cheeky bitch this thread.

SuchiRolls · 10/12/2025 20:09

CombatBarbie · 09/12/2025 14:34

Tell her to get to fuck......

My exact thought. Clearly this isn’t even a discussion. Laugh and call her fucking nuts and walk away. What a crazy mofo!

callwaiting2020 · 10/12/2025 20:17

Lol, no, of course she doesn't get the ring. That reconciliation is already doomed to failure.

callwaiting2020 · 10/12/2025 20:17

Carpedimum · 10/12/2025 19:53

I cannot press the YANBU button hard enough, it’s an emphatic vote from me. You should show the cheeky bitch this thread.

Love this.

KLD89 · 10/12/2025 20:19

Do NOT give her back the ring. She’s a cheeky B. It didn’t mean the world to her when she sold it, so tough luck. You bought it back fair and square, hand it to the daughter as a gift and hopefully the stepmom/SIL keeps her hands off it. It’s yours and one day it will be your niece’s.
Tell your SIL to get lost.

callwaiting2020 · 10/12/2025 20:20

And well done for buying it. Exactly the right thing to do. Keep it for yourself and do whatever you want with it. It's yours.

Is it a pretty dress ring? I'd be tempted to wear it at the next family get together, and act really calm and smile a lot and watch the entitled loon emerge.

Fangisnotacoward · 10/12/2025 20:23

Thats your ring. Tell her to get to fuck.

She sold it. You bought it. Its yours, not hers. The end!

bakebeans · 10/12/2025 20:24

Sorry but the woman sounds a witch and you have every right to keep it. She sold it. You bought it back and it’s in the family.

KLD89 · 10/12/2025 20:26

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 10/12/2025 19:09

What a strange story this is. Awful family Would make a good fairy story. You should sell it to Disney.

Doesn't add up in my mind why you bought the ring in the first place. A tad jealous or maybe a control gesture.

But as you have now bought it. SIL has no claims on it.

I don't care if it is a family heirloom it seems to be cursed. I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

You’re being ridiculous! Sounds cursed? So, are we not holding people accountable for their own shitty behaviour anymore, we’re just going with it’s a curse?
Also, how doesn’t it add up in your mind?
It’s an heirloom, it’s been in her family a long time. It holds sentimental value. OP doesn't mind it going to another relative, she just doesn’t want it going to a random person outside of the family for it to disappear forever. Of course she would buy it back, those sort of things are irreplaceable. Nothing to do with jealousy, she’s protecting nostalgic property that means something important to her relatives, past and present.

LouiseK93 · 10/12/2025 20:32

Yes, please do this.