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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m not going to have a present (or at least not a thoughtful one!) am I right to be annoyed?

122 replies

Sillyquestion123 · 08/12/2025 19:03

Basically my DH delayed buying my present (although I didn’t think it would sell out) and now there’s nothing else to get me!

I get beauty freebies from work and there’s nothing else I need not want.

so I’m stuck ;(

OP posts:
CoatiCutie · 09/12/2025 18:07

Sillyquestion123 · 09/12/2025 15:30

and I would agree with that sentiment if the parents throughout the years hadn’t been useless/pointless and not necessarily super cheap.

ive done list in past years as somebody else suggested, but the only thing that would have been nice is makeup but I now get it for free!

But then why do presents at all. When basically you are choosing and buying your own gift. You might as well both but what you want and wrap it up with your name on it.

Andthatrightsoon · 09/12/2025 18:26

I'm getting Annie Wilkes vibes ...

Blablibladirladada · 09/12/2025 19:16

HeddaGarbled · 08/12/2025 19:07

Hmm, nothing else you want at all, or a little bit of a sulk?

that.

it may not be your first choice but then again multiple choices avoid this situation? I get the annoyance as you probably did buy his gift, on time, right away etc…if he does this with everything, I wouldn’t feel bad! well…he might just not be good at buying present! You know best.

if he bought loads and just didn’t buy yours. Then it is a very different story!

Middleagedspreadisreal · 09/12/2025 19:32

Tell him you don't want anything because you have everything you need so would like him to donate to a homeless charity instead

Tekknonan · 09/12/2025 19:37

You're talking to a woman whose DH got her an iron for Christmas (not that either of us ever ironed anythiing), so you'll get no sympathy from me. He looked so proud of himself.

He was in every other way wonderful, he just had a blind spot when it came to presents.

He died 6 years ago, and I would gave anything to wake up this Christmas to an array of shit presents and my DH looking proud of himself.

ELMhouse · 09/12/2025 19:54

CoatiCutie · 09/12/2025 14:21

Seems the main band snow patrol have opened for that are well known is U2

about the post - the whole point of presents is someone knows you and has thought about you to pick something, not to just buy from a list. I would hate it if I had to tell my husband what to buy for me

Athlete?

also @Sillyquestion123 just don’t have anything if there is nothing you need. He can get your youngest to draw or make you something and you OH can help. Or if he was in a band maybe with your kids they can create a song for you?

Trishyb10 · 09/12/2025 20:31

Precious princess, poor ole you…..

Sisublondie · 09/12/2025 21:16

Sillyquestion123 · 08/12/2025 19:20

Well it comes with a poster so I thought he could then frame it . I didn’t expect it to sell out, so I know it’s on me as well.

🤞that maybe he’s double bluffing you?! And he HAS bought it?? I doubted DH one year ( pre DC! ), and must have been a sulky arse all Christmas Day… then felt like a knob when he gave me what I’d been hoping for…. I wouldn’t give up the hope just now! 🍀 🤞🙏

PigeonsandSquirrels · 09/12/2025 21:30

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 08/12/2025 19:14

So there’s only one item in the entire world that you will accept as a present, you yourself didn’t think that it would sell out some weeks before Christmas but your DH should have prophesied this? Sorry, YABU.

This. Gifts aren’t about deciding only one thing in the entire world will do or else…

Cafebara · 09/12/2025 21:35

If you feel like you need a present so your child sees you get a present (I'm assuming this is why you want one despite not wanting anything) could he just get you something food related? Posh chocolate or biscuits maybe? I get marzipan fruits every year because I like them but wouldn't spend the money on myself (we're in debt and on low income).

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 09/12/2025 21:57

Sillyquestion123 · 08/12/2025 19:12

It was a signed special edition vinyl that came with a poster from my favourite band. I’m their #12 global fan according to Spotify, but they’re really niche so it’s not like there would be tons of things around them.

Ugh, you're one of those. Your poor husband. You're the kind that would look down on a present no matter what it is, instead of being grateful. Your hubby isn't the problem, you are.

VortexOfDisaster · 10/12/2025 05:58

Thoroughly enjoyed this thread, have to thank you for that, particularly while suffering menopausal insomnia. The typos reminded me of some very old threads I also enjoyed many years ago, although perhaps for different reasons.

If you’re going to trample all over the magnanimity of the spirit of Christmas, you should consider smashing the consumeristic expectations too, for balance, obvs.

So you own loads of shit - great! 😊 You don’t need or want, or would find any sort of pleasure in being given, anything that money can buy - fabulous! 🥂

But you’ve (albeit in a couple of short, often a bit tactless, occasionally utterly tasteless, but no judgement, much) posts articulated what it is you value and what might have you rocking around the Christmas tree with the rest of us.

As others have noted, you’d clearly value time away from your husband and children. Expressing this as a desired Christmas gift could, while somewhat unconventional and, again, slightly stamping a bit on the Christmas spirit, provide you with a cherished gift you would enjoy. Go for it- ask your family for the gift of you-time.

Drawing, I am sure, on the childlike wonder and awe normally associated with sightings of Santa’s sleigh, your #12 fan status (didn’t know this was a thing, but anyway…) is also highly valued. How about asking your husband and children to use your Spotify account in whatever way is likely to influence the algorithm and promote you to, say #8 fan?! 😲 Think of the joy that would bring you?!

Then there’s the slightly worrying fact that neither you nor your husband thought this band was widely valued enough to warrant rushing out to buy the album (and of course let’s not forget the poster that, in an alternative timeline, might have had a fancy frame around it by now). Why is this? You love the band, why wouldn’t other people also find this a desirable gift? I’m picking up (deeply?) subconscious self-esteem issues. Ask for therapy sessions for Christmas and wait for the future joy of self-acceptance. 🤗

If all else fails, the enormous strop you’ve pulled over something that wasn’t really your husband’s fault, the (as was pointed out) slightly unreasonable implication of thoughtlessness, and the way you ignored the responses that called you out, all suggest that there is nothing you love more than a bit of a flounce with some validation thrown in for good measure (btw, again, see the gift suggestion just prior to this). So own it! - adopt the victim label this Christmas and huff and puff all the way into the new year. We have to take our pleasure as we feel it.

You are very welcome!

Bobloblawww · 10/12/2025 06:12

You should ask for a steam cleaner.

Trentdarkmore · 10/12/2025 06:19

I love the idea of turning it around and buying gig tickets for a teen who couldn't afford them. Or musical instruments for a school.

Sillyquestion123 · 10/12/2025 07:23

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 09/12/2025 21:57

Ugh, you're one of those. Your poor husband. You're the kind that would look down on a present no matter what it is, instead of being grateful. Your hubby isn't the problem, you are.

That’s so NOT true. The best present he’s ever given me is a cuddly bunny toy that I can take away on my trips so I’m reminded of him.

another time he framed photos of me and my dog.

or when he got me a sold out Jodie for another band I love.

those were all really beautiful and thoughtful presents.

but there’s been others like some special edition shoes that I would never wear (they’re still new somewhere in the house), jewellery that I’m allergic to (I had told him about this) and one random concert ticket without any of the logistics solved around it that had to go unused (that happened twice).

but I’ve done the same, I’ve bought him jumpers, and jackets, and a watch that he didn’t like. And some shoes too! So neither of us have been perfect.

OP posts:
OmNomShiva · 10/12/2025 07:28

Christmas presents are for kids.

oneinataxioneinacar · 10/12/2025 07:36

Maybe he can sponsor a goat for you or something

Harrumphhhh · 10/12/2025 07:39

This feels so transactional. Has he told you exactly what he wants, or are you putting thought and effort into it? Trust him to do the same?

Sillyquestion123 · 10/12/2025 07:44

Harrumphhhh · 10/12/2025 07:39

This feels so transactional. Has he told you exactly what he wants, or are you putting thought and effort into it? Trust him to do the same?

i asked him if he wanted a surprise or something specific, and the told me that he’d rather have this guitar pedal. I found a jacket that the kids approved of, but it’s sold out online.

OP posts:
snoopythebeagle · 10/12/2025 07:50

OmNomShiva · 10/12/2025 07:28

Christmas presents are for kids.

Luckily not everyone is as miserable as you.

AmyDuPlantier · 10/12/2025 07:53

This thread is such basic MN bullshit.

Everyone slagging off the OP for wanting her husband to buy her a specific gift.

Just wait til Christmas Day when there will be about 1000 threads moaning about their gifts.

People just really can’t stop being dicks on the internet can they. The novelty of anonymity never seems to fade for some.

AmyDuPlantier · 10/12/2025 07:54

OmNomShiva · 10/12/2025 07:28

Christmas presents are for kids.

Give over, you bloody misery 🤣

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