Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel so much guilt about wrap around

118 replies

Violettt2 · 08/12/2025 16:56

DD goes to breakfast and after school clubs. She has been increasingly moaning about this.

Is it normal to feel a lot of guilt about her having to attend these? I never used to as a kid and to be honest would have hated it too, being on top of the school day.

I am starting to wonder whether I’m wrong to have put working full time above being there for DD after school as one of my parents always was for me. I’m feeling like life’s too short to prioritise a company who would happily drop and forget about me if the need arose.

I’m not sure what I’m looking to get out of this, maybe to feel I’m not the only one in this position.

OP posts:
Nancylancy · 08/12/2025 17:03

Mine are in wrap around 4 days a week, and I totally get the guilt. However, it's just not possible for me to work without them going into wrap around some of the time - I have a long commute. I don't want to give up my career and I have already gone part time, I don't want to be fully reliant on DH wage and it's healthy to have your own career and purpose. working is still the smart option. I have flexed my hours to do 2 pick ups and 2 drop offs a week, and for me this seems enough for them to not be knackered, have some mummy time, and also to attend an activity or two. They do complain about the breakfast club, and every time they do I immediately want to drop another morning. But they're not there for long.
If you were going to prioritise one or the other I'd say make yourself available for one or two pick ups, but it's a hard juggle between working and childcare. You'll never be able to win!

Darknightsandsparklylights · 08/12/2025 17:09

I ended up dropping hours a lot when DC in primary, gradually built up but not to full time. For me, it is one of the advantages of being able to work longer when retirement age went up, as I spent time with kids when they were younger and now they’re uni age I’m focusing more on building up my pension. Not everyone has a choice, but I’m glad I did and was around some days, particularly after school. I also used a lovely childminder as DC weren’t keen on afterschool club after a while- I worked two long days (till 7) and two short days till 2.45 so I could get home and do pick up. Hope you find what works for you.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 08/12/2025 17:29

Do you need to work full time? Do you want to? If yes to both (or one), then fine. If not then I'd absolutely reduce hours so that she didn't need to go as often.

Hillarious · 08/12/2025 17:45

We avoided any wrap around care by DH doing drop offs and me collecting, and shifting our days accordingly. I also worked part time for a while, as being there particularly after school with the kids for swimming, football, dance, music and facilitating time with friends was important to me.

Celestialmoods · 08/12/2025 18:03

I think you have to look at the quality of wraparound and if it’s likely that your children have a valid point, listen to them. They might be better off with a childminder or au pair if that’s an option.

Some after school clubs are well attended so children have their own friends around and a wide variety of activities are offered. Others are supervised by people on who have no interest in the experience they provide, have few resources to do anything even if they wanted to, and run on minimum numbers so children just have to hang out with whoever is there, whether they get on well or not.

Original poster
Violettt2 · 08/12/2025 18:24

Sillysoggyspaniel · 08/12/2025 17:29

Do you need to work full time? Do you want to? If yes to both (or one), then fine. If not then I'd absolutely reduce hours so that she didn't need to go as often.

Nope probably not, I guess I just saw it as the done thing these days and listened to those who said about having my own purpose with work being important etc

OP posts:
Agix · 08/12/2025 18:29

I hated it. I had teachers taking care of me before school and babysitters after.

If you can't avoid it being cause you need it to pay the bills, you can't avoid it.

Mydadsbirthday · 08/12/2025 18:29

Where is the children's father in this - could he not share some of the load?

When mine were in primary I worked 4 days a week across 5 and was able to do most drop offs doing this and did pick ups 2-3 times a week. We used after school care once a week and lucky enough to have grandparents to pick them up once a week.

madeoftickytacky · 08/12/2025 18:31

You say you don't need the money. I think it is a bit much putting your child through this when she hates it.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 08/12/2025 18:36

Violettt2 · 08/12/2025 18:24

Nope probably not, I guess I just saw it as the done thing these days and listened to those who said about having my own purpose with work being important etc

Show quote history

In that case I'd absolutely reduce hours and enhance her quality of life.

IAmNotSureAboutYouNow · 08/12/2025 18:37

I work PT from home to facilitate not having to use wrap around much . DC does 2 late finishes at school but they are clubs she wants to do (dance and art) rather than generic wrap around. (Private school so better choice of wrap around options.)

redannie18 · 08/12/2025 18:41

I couldn't do it, but I'm in an industry where PT doesn't really hit too hard and we could afford for me to be PT. I still work my (FT) hours around my kids and they are older teenagers, not as much obviously as they don't need looked after but I really value spending time with them while they are still at home.

VikaOlson · 08/12/2025 18:52

Could you and dad drop an afternoon each so you're able to pick her up a couple of days?

OnARainyDay2012 · 08/12/2025 18:58

My DD is in wraparound 4 days per week. I work full time and have a long commute. I could probably have taken a more local lower paid job (although no guarantees of flexibility I guess). See if/how you can flex your hours to reduce wraparound? But in this economic climate I absolutely wouldn't reduce my hours/wages unless I had to.

Soony · 08/12/2025 19:02

Violettt2 · 08/12/2025 18:24

Nope probably not, I guess I just saw it as the done thing these days and listened to those who said about having my own purpose with work being important etc

Show quote history

My DC were born in the 90s. It was the done thing then to go back to work as soon as possible, albeit part time. I didn't need to financially but I did it. I regret just doing the done thing.

In hindsight I would have taken five years out as I hated leaving them at nursery.
We didn't use any regular childcare once they were in school as I used to go to work early and DH did drop off while I left early to pick up.
I occasionally used a holiday club in school holidays and they hated it.

I would say if you have no choice then you shouldn't feel guilty.
If you could afford to work less and I'm assuming this wrap around is expensive then do it.

tsmainsqueeze · 08/12/2025 19:02

Violettt2 · 08/12/2025 18:24

Nope probably not, I guess I just saw it as the done thing these days and listened to those who said about having my own purpose with work being important etc

Show quote history

Who cares what the done thing is ?
If you can do it then go part time and your child will be so much happier .

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/12/2025 19:04

My two were in breakfast and after school club every day. They never really liked it. However now they're older (later primary) they do appreciate this means more holidays and treats, and if I ask them what they'd rather have, they actually can't decide. And they realise I have a good job and are proud. And because we both work 9-5, we both have weekends and evenings together, which lots that pick up after school won't as they will work weekends etc.

Also...things change. We now have more flexibility and each do one pick up and drop off direct each week (previously in office every day). We also got to know some neighbours and do some lift shares with them. Obviously this depends on career.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/12/2025 19:04

I wouldn’t do this to my child unless I had to, can you drop a half day at work and finish earlier or later sometimes?
for me the 5th day at work is so taxed there is not much incentive to do it

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/12/2025 19:04

And I think they will be really pleased they were in after school club when we've got more money to help them with a house deposit, or can retire earlier and help with grand children etc

Theslummymummy · 08/12/2025 19:05

How old is she and what is she actually saying

Overthebow · 08/12/2025 19:07

Does she go to wraparound breakfast and after school every day? That is a lot in primary, if it’s possible for you to drop some hours then you could have a balance. Dd goes to wraparound 2 days a week which seems to work well for her.

letitallopen · 08/12/2025 19:18

It isn’t something I’d choose to do, to be honest. I don’t think it’s terrible or the worst thing a child can experience or anything dramatic like that, but I do think if you can reduce it a bit it would be best.

Tootles1 · 08/12/2025 19:19

I know people do what they think is right for their personal circumstances. If you can afford to don’t do it. Your child will be happier and I think it will be less stressful for all.

waterrat · 08/12/2025 19:20

I changed my work to.avoid wrap around. Most people.i know do a mix..ie..drop some days or hours so kids arent always in wrap around.

Not sure ive ever thought it was the done thing to work long hours with kids...most people I know work part time (and im in a v competitive industry)

Sassylovesbooks · 08/12/2025 19:29

It depends on individual circumstances. I didn't go back to work after my son was born, and was a SAHM until he started school. I work part-time at a school, and my main reason for working in a school was the fact I'd be there for my son during the holidays and for school runs. Some Mum's have no choice but to work full-time and use wraparound care for their children. If you don't need the money and could work part-time, then do that, if it's right for your family.