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Original poster

To not take my 3 and 5 year olds to restaurants

116 replies

Meerkat6373 · 08/12/2025 08:33

We haven’t taken our 3 and 5 year old boys to a restaurant in months because it was a disaster last time. Constant messing around at the table, trying to get down, knocking stuff over by accident. Fair enough we tried to do it without tablets and took loads of books, stickers etc for the table but they just wouldn’t listen to a word we said. If we’d taken tablets maybe they’d have sat good as gold but I’m trying not to go down that route. Not for any judgey reasons but I’m concerned screen time actually makes their behaviour worse.
We took them to a pub yesterday and nothing has changed. I was actually mortified by how out of control they were, despite us trying a million strategies to get them to behave well. We’ve tried reward charts, sanctions, modelling behaviour, praise. Nothing works!

OP posts:
namechange272727 · 08/12/2025 08:35

We don’t do screen time in restaurants either. I think it’s just about practice. Maybe take them somewhere where it doesn’t feel pressured whilst they’re still learning how to behave, somewhere like Wetherspoons etc, I wouldn’t avoid entirely.

MyDogHumpsThings · 08/12/2025 08:35

Not unreasonable, and thank you for recognising that they’re not ready yet! Many of us grew up never going to restaurants or pubs and we still managed to learn how to behave at social events, before anyone comes on and says “but how will the poor darlings learn to behave if never given the opportunity”.

Achangeintone · 08/12/2025 08:36

Is anyone pleading with you to take them to restaurants?

TittyGajillions · 08/12/2025 08:36

Eat at home then?

GaspingGekko · 08/12/2025 08:36

We've never done screens at tables. For us it has been a case of taking things that keep them busy - toy cars, games, etc - having the same behaviour expectations at home (we eat all meals together and expect good behaviour) and eating out frequently since they were tiny.

BillyNoProblems · 08/12/2025 08:37

Some kids are like that. I had one well behaved and one unable to sit still. Made it easy for everyone and stayed away from restaurants until they were older, or went to restaurants with outdoor play areas so kids could run around and play. We still have a rule that it's ok to use a device whilst waiting for the food to arrive, once food is on the table all devices go away. It's not reasonable to expect high energy kids to sit still for long

4forksache · 08/12/2025 08:38

How are they at sitting at the table at home? Are they allowed down as soon as they have finished?

Maybe practice waiting a bit longer at home first?

GTGGD · 08/12/2025 08:40

I started mine off where chairs couldn’t be moved, there was nothing on the table and no cutlery was provided (McD’s). Gradually we moved on to pizzerias etc.

Waitingfordoggo · 08/12/2025 08:42

We went through a stage where we wouldn’t take ours to cafes or supermarkets- probably at similar ages to yours. The behaviour wasn’t outrageous- they weren’t running about the place or climbing on furniture but they were just a bit too excitable and a bit too loud. We would have to spend the whole time engaging them and trying to get them to be quieter and I realised it wasn’t particularly relaxing for us so we just stopped doing it until they were a bit older and calmer.

Loopylou7219 · 08/12/2025 08:43

You could definitely try and practice and build up their tolerance, maybe a cake and a drink rather than a meal. Also though, I think it's really important to normalise the fact that lots of children just aren't developmentally ready to sit for long periods, quietly and super still. Some children do manage it but the ones that don't aren't "naughty" they're just children. I think it's totally fine to swerve whilst your kids are young, where is the value in putting yourselves through it

Tattletail · 08/12/2025 08:45

No you're not unreasonable to stay away if this is a situation causing necessary stress. I have children the same age and we don't routinely eat in restaurants. If you have to for some reason just pick an environment where it's a bit more relaxed, no 5* dining 😂

BillyNoProblems · 08/12/2025 08:46

Some kids are like that. I had one well behaved and one unable to sit still. Made it easy for everyone and stayed away from restaurants until they were older, or went to restaurants with outdoor play areas so kids could run around and play. We still have a rule that it's ok to use a device whilst waiting for the food to arrive, once food is on the table all devices go away. It's not reasonable to expect high energy kids to sit still for long

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/12/2025 08:49

We simply never took Gds to restaurants - unless it was a pub garden in summer - until he was at least 4, maybe coming up to 5. He was something of a human hurricane and simply couldn’t sit once he’d eaten - he had to be on the move.
There was never the same issue with his sisters. I only had dds, no issue there either, but having often heard similar from friends with little boys, I do think it’s so often a ‘boy thing’.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 08/12/2025 08:51

Do they behave better separately? Mine are much worse together. They argue, whine that they don’t want to sit together etc etc.
The 3yr old expects immediate service so complains loudly that his food still hasn’t arrived and the 5yr old just grumps about everything. Mine don’t have tablets but if they did there’s no way I’d be letting them have them at the table.

I have noticed that the nicer the restaurant, the better they behave. The music levels in some places are too high and my 3yr old just can’t help but start dancing 🫣. Eyes closed, arms in the air like he’s at a drugged up 90s rave. It’s funny but quite embarrassing sometimes.

OP if it’s stressful to take them then just don’t do it. As someone said earlier, most of us weren’t taken out for meals as kids, and most of us manage to be civilised as adult in restaurants.

Words · 08/12/2025 08:52

Practice at home and instil good manners there. I wouldn't expect a puppy to behave well in such an over stimulating environment. Build up the time gradually at home.

In the meantime stay well away from cafes and restaurants until they can behave properly, as I would with a young dog. It's not fair on the other clients or the staff.

Lennonjingles · 08/12/2025 08:56

Whilst you might not want to, but maybe try McDonalds or similar where food is quick to start.

Iocanepowder · 08/12/2025 08:57

My 5 year old is ok in a restaurant but we don’t go out as a family with my 2 year old. I took her to a cafe this week and she wanted to get up after 10 mins.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 08/12/2025 08:57

If you really feel you cant get traction just give it a break for now but my personal feeling is its a life skill and you are just kicking the can down the road.

Ours are almost 2 and almost 4 it's not perfect but much improved since I made a conscious effort to tackle it so we could actually enjoy going out.
We dont do screens.

I try and take them to easy places (McDonald's we do 1 x per month as I just dont think a hamburger a few chips and some milk and apple is that bad). I think this has really helped tbh...

We also do cafes / coffee shops and I get them involved in ordered / paying / picking tables / getting napkins etc. so they are occupied.
This helps with restaurants.

Tactics

  • We take the kids for a good run around before
  • We are fast. Dh and i look at the menu ahead of time and when we sit down we give the server drinks order, kids pick their food and when they drop the drinks we order. When they bring the food I tell them (quietly) we will want a prompt dessert for the kids and we order and get the bill when they clear plates. I use the lure of dessert to incentivise good behaviour.
  • I bring colouring, stickers and portable magnatiles.
  • We engage them in conversation about things they like / their world.

I also practice patience with them a lot in daily life
I make it a stretch for them but not extra hard / so they are at boiling point

Nosleepforthismum · 08/12/2025 08:57

I have a 2 and 4 year old and we have meals out that are disasters and others that are great! A lot of it is practice and if they eat properly at home and at the table that will make it much easier.

New toys or sticker books work with mine and choosing a child friendly place that are quick with serving food once you’ve ordered. Don’t do anything like ordering starters and ours love going out for food because they get to have “treat” food like pizza and ice cream. If we are going somewhere nicer with the extended family, I try to set expectations at the door and basically hope for the best.

Octavia64 · 08/12/2025 08:57

Yeah we just didn’t take them until they were older

HamSandwichKiller · 08/12/2025 08:58

Fair enough. At that age we only frequented pubs with a soft play or outdoor space. They were filled with other families dealing with their own annoying kids so that worked out fine.

Cafes for a quick meal/cake are probably a good training ground if you catch them in that ‘I’m hungry not hangry’ stage. Get in and out at speed 😊

jetlag92 · 08/12/2025 09:00

Octavia64 · 08/12/2025 08:57

Yeah we just didn’t take them until they were older

Us neither. I don't like screens at the table and my boys wouldn't sit for long at that age, so we ate at home. They'll probably be fine in a couple of years.

MyKindHiker · 08/12/2025 09:03

I’m with you. We didn’t eat out for years when my kids were this age as it just sucked for other restaurant goers to deal with kids wanting to get up and us constantly telling them no no no and keep quiet etc. I can’t abide screens for kids at table. Also didn’t stay in hotels, same reason.

they are 10+ now and only just started to eat out.

Some kids develop skills later than others. Probably if we’d majored on loads of eating out my kids would have learned sooner but i felt that was a social experiment that would have ruined a lot of other people’s meals on the way.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 08/12/2025 09:04

They aren’t ready. Thank you for being considerate of other patrons.

weisatted · 08/12/2025 09:05

If you look at it from a child's perspective, they really don't see the benefits of eating out.

As an adult, you enjoy not having to clean up or cook - they don't do that anyway

You enjoy trying new food - kids this age generally don't

You enjoy chatting - kids this age generally prefer to interact by playing not talking

Better to practice these skills a bit more at home than restaurants in my opinion and when they are older it's a lot easier

We avoided restaurants except when absolutely necessary when ours were this age, now they are 6 and 9, their restaurant manners are great. We still tend to take something for them to do - books, card games etc