To not take my 3 and 5 year olds to restaurants

[Meerkat6373]

We haven’t taken our 3 and 5 year old boys to a restaurant in months because it was a disaster last time. Constant messing around at the table, trying to get down, knocking stuff over by accident. Fair enough we tried to do it without tablets and took loads of books, stickers etc for the table but they just wouldn’t listen to a word we said. If we’d taken tablets maybe they’d have sat good as gold but I’m trying not to go down that route. Not for any judgey reasons but I’m concerned screen time actually makes their behaviour worse.
We took them to a pub yesterday and nothing has changed. I was actually mortified by how out of control they were, despite us trying a million strategies to get them to behave well. We’ve tried reward charts, sanctions, modelling behaviour, praise. Nothing works!

I heartily agree

Our eldest is 32 and we took him to plenty of restaurants and without the use of screens .

How do you eat at home? Do you sit together and eat at the table with proper manners etc? The best way to get kids eating properly is to do it every day. Mine ate fine at the table but from the day they were able to go into a high chair they sat through every dinner time, with finger food then own portion as developmentally appropriate. No phones or tablets, hadn’t been invented and tv off. It takes time to develop good table manners but they will get there

And what happens when they don't listen?

While I very much appreciate you not bringing your children to restaurants and not using tablets, the bigger issue is - and I use this old-fashioned but accurate word purposefully - their disobedience. It’s not funny and could actually be dangerous, and won’t be any fun for their classmates or teachers.

Until that’s nailed they won’t be going anywhere.

@fableless. Mine are mid 20’s and ate out a lot, armed with crayons, puzzles and you talk to your children rather than each other

@Bitzee. Exactly, I sat my dc at the table with colouring and puzzles each night whilst I finished dinner off, partly for safety, I wanted them where I could see them but it definitely builds patience. Ok a home meal is quicker but we often take 45 minutes for dinner and pudding. When you have small children, you don’t push your luck and order 3 courses in restaurants!

I would start re-itterating the rules at home about how to behave at the table.

You are correct to not take them out if they can't behave. Children shouldn't need a tablet to sit at a table.

My twins are nearly 9 but we eat out a lot. I just go with distraction techniques by looking a other peoples food or pictures on the wall, or sketching people around us, i spy games. Mine like getting pudding so are quite good eating out as i dont do pudding at home.

Exactly what we did!
McDonalds - with the promise of Pizza Hut.
Pizza Hut - with the promise of Frankie and Bennies.
Then F&B with the promise of the nice Chinese.

We had better luck in "better" restaurants by going early, 5.00 ISH, before it got too busy. It was the echoey and noisy environment that got him worked up.

By the time he got to about 10 we could pretty much take him anywhere as long as we factored in how busy and noisy it was going to be, and we did allow small screen with the sound off at this point.

Yes, it's not fun taking small children out to eat, total waste of money, I always think. They don't enjoy sitting down still. I don't think a 3 year old could reasonably be expected to sit for longer than it takes to eat a Maccy D.

I remember my mum sending my brother out to sit in the car while we finished dinner in a restaurant ( a rare treat in those days) because his behaviour was so bad, and he wasn't allowed to come out for dinner for the next few years. He was delighted, it wasn't a treat to him.
Save yourself the money and the bother, and feed them at home.

I wish there were more parents like OP !

I didn’t take my youngest to a supermarket for about a year when she was around 2-3, just decided it wasn’t worth it.
If their behaviour is reasonable otherwise just leave the restaurants for a while, then start small like an informal cafe for a drink or McDonald’s first, then try a family friendly pub

Do you eat meals at a table at home?

Id practice at doing that first and getting the behaviour you want.

Then maybe a cafe for milkshake/cake or McDonald's and gradually build up.

Does your eldest eat ok in school?

Do you engage them in conversation or are you trying to keep them occupied so you can chat over them?

My Gs has been to restaurants etc since he was born . He had a screen to watch and obviously was very happy to sit while his parents and him had a meal . Since being around 5 he's not needed a screen and now happily joins in with the conversation. He's a very active child normally , I don't think there is anything wrong with using a screen for short periods like this . I wish my children had access to a screen because we didn't really have a social life which could have included them until they were much older .

I avoid restaurants with my 7 year old as he's a pain.

I dont laugh much becsue I have severe post psychotic depression but the image of your kid dancing had me in stitches