To be surprised about friend's household income

[CuriousKit]

Recently went to see a friend. She's always been bit insecure about other people spending on things like people going on holidays or buying a nice car etc. she earns well herself but she gets insecure about others going up on career ladder etc. she says she never puts heating on or never bought a new cloth, always bought from charity etc. I have spent significant time listening to her and reassuring her that she's doing well.
Anyways her DH casually dropped her earning from last year, a whopping £550k, take home 300k. I was shocked at why she would be so insecure and miserable. We don't earn anywhere near that sort of amount but live a decent life so I am sure she can have a very nice life and not worry so much and be this insecure.

But she is miserable because she can't go on holiday - it's just that money isn't the reason.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Is it a cry for help as she’s being financially abused?

Next time she has a moan about friends spending just say 'I don't know why you worry so much with xxx (Husbands name) earning what he does added to your income I'm sure you could afford the same' Don't feel bad about it. Her Husband dropped the info into conversation so he knows you know roughly what their income is each month.

Yes, I have ASD and ADHD, I have a fear of poverty and feel like if I do spend my savings then something could happen, my mind goes on to me becoming homeless etc. I'm also self-employed, as the couple mentioned in the post, and earnings can be volatile (very feast or famine), there's always the uncertainty that your earnings could go down. I find it really hard to treat myself, even though at the moment I'm earning well and have decent savings

Financial well-being is not the same as financial security. Both DH and I are high earners, savings etc, but we both have high financial anxiety.

I know two Mum friends in this situation. High-earning husbands, pots of pensions & savings for 'later' in life, never a shortage if funds for their hobbies & toys, but Dads will bitch & moan about the cost of kids clothing, haircuts, cosmetics, clubs, birthday parties and so on.

Both end up scrimping & saving from their part-time salaries to have a little pot for 'treats' & outings over school holidays, meanwhile Dad is the only one who knows the actual household income, where the money is stashed etc. While being completely insulated from the realities of everyday cost inflation because she has to absorb all the food & living costs from a very limited 'housekeeping' allowance.

You'd think it was the 1950s still, but there seems to be an abundance of high earning men who seem happy to pat themselves on the back about their brilliance & income, without recognising the value provided by a wife who covers all of the child-rearing time & commitments for his own family.

It's a shame so many of these women somehow still feel like they're getting a good deal, because they would be far better off in divorce & he'd STILL then have to pay a good £15k a year in nanny fees to cover the hours he'd be working for his half of the time with children. Makes my blood boil how little value these men put on raising their own offspring 🤬

Self employed, fortunes vary widely , boom and bust is a hazard especially in the building industry, one customer goes bankrupt can wipe out a whole years profit.
Its a very stressful life, one years profit funds the next project

Sounds like a husband problem to me too. Apart from anything else, what kind of a massive twat announces their massive yearly wage in casual conversation?

I work part time but my husband is quite a big earner and we have a small mortgage. We go on about 5/6 holidays a year and eat out every week or so, get takeaways etc. my wage pays for my day to day life and a couple of bills. My husband pays for everything else. We buy from vinted mainly and often buy second hand furniture because we’re into sustainability. Its possible the friend is on the same position

But surely it was just as annoying before her husband ‘casually dropped’ his income into a conversation?